SoP for Aerospace Engineering - General improvements on content and flow

Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University statement of purpose

Hello! I have what I feel is a statement of purpose (specifically for Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University) that is nearing completion. However, I am concerned about the length of the statement and, particularly, whether I am including too much background information and if I need to get straight to the point quicker. Any thoughts on the organization, content, or flow are greatly appreciated! Also, if you have any insight into how to best address less-than-stellar (~3.0) GPA in my previous Masters program, that would be great!

Here it is in its current form:
Engineering has always been close to my heart, from embarking on a full body-off restoration of a 1962 MGA with my grandfather as a young teenager, to my inherent attitude of "why buy it when you can build it?" This has led me to undertake many of my own projects, including building my own computers, 3D printer, and a motion detecting lighting system for my apartment. What excites me most about each new project is becoming fully immersed in learning a new set of skills and knowledge. Although my path through exploring my many interests has been long and unconventional, I am excited to return to the field of engineering to pursue my lifelong passion of working in the field of space exploration. I believe that my journey has provided me with an increased level of maturity, discipline, and expertise in many fields that will allow me to thrive in the field of aerospace engineering, and I hope that the faculty and resources available at Embry-Riddle will allow me to progress towards my career goals of working on the research, development, and construction of modern propulsion systems.

Although I majored in mechanical engineering early in my undergraduate career, my fascination with space led me to change my major to physics, with the goal of pursuing a career in astrophysics. Upon finding an academic community where I felt I belonged, I finally began to take academics seriously and thrived. Upon graduation, I sought out graduate programs that would allow me to pursue my interest in astrophysics and enrolled at Florida State University. However, the lack of guidance and mentorship at FSU left me lacking motivation, and subsequently, I floundered academically. In hindsight, I blame my own lack of discipline and initiative and have since grown considerably in both motivation and independence.

While I was considering whether to stay in the program, I realized that what I enjoyed most was teaching physics and astronomy labs, and therefore made the decision to leave the FSU graduate program and seek a teaching credential for high school physics education. I gained admission into the Masters of Arts in Teaching program for science education at Boston University with a full scholarship, and am now in my third year of teaching physics. During the past summer, I also worked as an instructor at BU with a program called the Clean Energy Corps. This program employs a small group of high school students to learn important engineering tools, including programming, CAD, 3D printing, machining, and construction, in the context of building clean energy instructional carts. While working as a teacher and mentor has been rewarding, helping students learn and grow has reignited my motivation for my own personal growth, and after spending years encouraging students to follow their dreams, I feel it is time that I pursued my own.

I believe my research experience in physics has provided me with many skills that will be valuable as an aerospace engineer. While I was a physics undergraduate, I took a lab assistant role studying the electrical and optical properties of doped Gallium Nitride, particularly the temperature dependence of its photoluminescence spectrum between near-absolute zero and room temperature. In order to succeed in this lab, I needed to gain a deep theoretical knowledge of semiconductors and work with extremely sensitive samples and apparati. As a graduate student, I worked in a lab studying light curves of Type Ia Supernovae by using Monte-Carlo simulations, requiring me to quickly learn Linux and Fortran.

While I am interested in all aspects of space exploration, my primary interest is in propulsion. Specifically, I am interested in developing more efficient, economical, and sustainable technologies for both chemical and ion propulsion systems that would promote the growth of the space industry. For example, I would be interested in solving problems such as maximizing flow efficiency with variable geometry nozzles and the optimization of fuel delivery systems using computational fluid dynamics, as well as the physical construction of propulsion systems and components, and would be willing to conduct my own original research under the guidance of a professor, or work on existing projects. I would also be excited to work with the Experimental Rocket Propulsion Lab to pursue the goals of launching Embry-Riddle's orbital launch vehicle and extend my education in the various methods of propulsion.

My long term career goals are to earn a PhD in aerospace engineering. With this, I would like to work in the research, development, and construction of modern propulsion systems and also eventually be in a position to organize and lead educational outreach programs. While I realize that my path to gain a PhD in Aerospace Engineering is not the most conventional, I believe it has afforded me a greater level of maturity than I had after graduating from college, and has led to a much greater level of understanding of myself and the career path that will excite me intellectually and allow me to have a great impact on the field of space exploration. I believe I would make valuable contributions to both the academics and research at Embry-Riddle and hope that you will afford me this opportunity to continue my growth as an engineer.

Thank you for your time! All comments are welcome!

Chris, let's start editing the essay by deleting the unimportant or less than relevant paragraphs. You can safely delete the opening paragraph since that is too elementary in information and presentation. Always start your essay from the strongest and most relevant point of information. In this instance, that is the reference to your degree in mechanical engineering since it ties in with your interest in physics and astrophysics. Remove the reference to your floundering academically at that point. This is a statement of purpose, not a personal statement or an essay justifying your low GPA. I am a bit concerned that you do not have any actual work experience in astrophysics to qualify as a candidate. Simply having studied the related programs and applications does not carry the same weight as say, someone who interned with a professor of astrophysics and actually helped to develop research information that was (perhaps) published. Your background as a teacher doesn't seem to tie in with the requirements of this course and doesn't portray you, as I read the paragraph, as a qualified junior astrophysicist in anyway. An SOP heavily considers the professional experience of the course applicant in the field he is interested in. Your interest, your desire to make contributions, and your long term career goals are right on the mark. It is just the qualifying experience that I am worried about at this point.

@Holt
Thank you for your quick response! I agree that the opening paragraph contains too much "fluff", although I feel it adds some personality to the SoP. To clarify if it wasn't clear in the essay, I have a BS and MS in Physics (changed majors from mechanical engineering as an undergrad to physics), and then got an MA in teaching physics. Both of my research experiences in physics were done under the guidance of a faculty member, although I was not present during the publication of the projects I worked on and thus remain unpublished. My goal in the statement is to leverage my research in physics to argue that I am capable of working in aerospace engineering. Are there better ways of addressing this? Basically, as I am changing careers from physics and education to engineering, I am looking to draw as many connections as possible.

Also, I agree about leaving out my poor academic performance here. I will address it in some additional document outside the SoP.

If you have any other advice, it would be greatly appreciated!