Kindly comment on my Letter of Motivation. Please tell me how i can reduce its length.
LETTER OF MOTIVATION
Having lived in a backward area of Punjab province, it was always a dream for me to live in a big city. That dream was fulfilled when my father moved to the city as a government officer. Living through those times was an experience that has shaped my character and made me strong enough to face any challenge. Once I had settled in the lifestyle of the city, I started improving my performance in studies. With an outstanding performance in GCE A'Levels, I was admitted to ----, the top ranked university in ---- and the first ---- university to be ranked in the top 300 of QS Rankings. Today, I can proudly say that I am the first engineer in all my extended family.
From childhood, I have had an affinity for mathematics. Numbers have always inspired me for the simple reason that the most complex phenomena in nature can be understood and explained with the help of a few digits. From the presence of Fibonacci numbers in nature to that of the magic number , mathematics has always been the driving force behind my studies. My love for mathematics has never diminished, and will never weaken which is why I have decided to pursue a course in computational engineering that is a perfect blend between mathematics and engineering.
Throughout my undergraduate studies, I have been particularly impressed by Mechatronic systems. However, with further study in the same area I realized that the classical theories were either unable to explain the complex phenomena or there simply weren't enough tools at our disposal to further safely study the procedures. It was during a discussion of these limitations that my professor mentioned to me the field of computational engineering. Seeing my potential in numerical analysis, he recommended me to pursue computational engineering once I graduated. He could see the eagerness to explore this field in my eyes and upon some research, I realized that this indeed was the field where I could utilize my full potential and at the same time contribute to a better understanding of Mechatronic systems for our future generations.
In 2010 I participated in the most prestigious Robotics contest of the country, the National Engineering Robotics Contest (NERC). The robot that we designed was developed over a period of 7 months and we faced a lot of ups and downs during this time. The exercise showed us the problems engineers face while working on real life projects. It also gave me the mental strength to counter problems that arise during work and taught me how to remove misunderstandings with fellow engineers.
As part of my Final Year Thesis, I designed a 4 DOF robotic manipulator for an Unmanned Ground vehicle. The manipulator was a perfect Mechatronic system that used integration between mechanical components and sensors to help the UGV lift objects and make placements. This manipulator was successfully mounted on a UGV provided by the army and was controlled through wireless communication. One part of our task was to make a lightweight manipulator as the one designed in the previous year was too heavy. We successfully cut down the weight by more than half which was only possible through detailed prior study and simulation. Our design on Pro Engineer software won the first prize at a design contest at ---- institute of ----.
I am currently working as an assistant alongside my teacher, Professor ----. We have just finished designing a system to shift the tobacco curing in ---- to a solar based option and are waiting for funding from USAID to implement it. We are currently working on getting the new Slaughterhouse built in---- in working order.
The reason I have chosen this institute for my further studies is because of the research being carried out at the university currently. I was excited to see that I could get the opportunity to work on acceleration sensors and gyro sensors and contribute my research and knowledge to the German industries, particularly the automotive industry where my true interests lie.
Apart from being an engineer, I love reading books, both fictional and real. The best book I have read to date is 'Long Walk to Freedom' by Nelson Mandela, a man I have always admired. I also love studying about different cultures and languages. I can speak a number of local languages and the next language on my target list is German, of which I have already completed level A1. I intend to complete level A2 as well by September.
In 2003, my family moved to Quetta, a rural city in the backward region of Balochistan where my father was posted for 3 years. Quetta has a completely different culture than the rest of the country and for me it was a tough task to get used to that difference. The experience I gained of living in a different culture helped me improve my personality. I am sure the experience I gained from living in Quetta will greatly help me in getting used to the difference in culture between my country and Germany.
In light of these facts and my enthusiasm for Computational Engineering, my endeavor to enter the Masters in Computational Engineering Program at University of Erlangen Nurnberg appears to be a worthwhile one. I hope that I would be able to pursue my graduate studies at this distinguished institution of higher learning.
I will put a line through what I find to be unnecessary or redundant :)for the simple reason that the most complex phenomena in nature can be understood and explained with the help of a few digits. From the presence of Fibonacci numbers in nature to that of th
Having lived in a backward DO YOU MEAN "BACKWOOD" AS IN RURAL AND QUIET?
From childhood, I have had an affinity for mathematics.
He could see the eagerness to explore this field in my eyes and upon some research,I realized that this indeed was the field where I could utilize my full potential and at the same time contribute to a better understanding of Mechatronic systems for our future generations.
The parts I struck a line through, I felt, could be omitted in order to shorten as you had hoped to. I only highlighted suggested and grammatical corrections and "struck through" areas I thought could be left out. Everything else looked perfect and beautifully written, so I didn't re-post those parts on my "correction area"
I hope that helps
