SoP for MS Computer Engineering in a US University

Hi
Please review my SoP and give your comments
By the way, I am a graduate of electrical engineering, having a telecommunications engineering experence for 13 years.
I do not have strong GPA, and I do bad in TOEFL :)

SoP for MS Computer Engineering in a US University

Please let me introduce myself. I am a graduate of electrical engineering since May 2000, and a telecommunications engineer in the telecommunications department in an Electricity Utility Company from June 2000 to July 2013. More information about my experience could be found in my resume.

It has been my ambition since graduation to pursue my post graduate studies in engineering. But duo to I had a family and I was working to secure an income, and duo to that there is only one engineering college in my city and that there were only a few seats for admitted students, I couldn't make it at that time.

I believe that this lateness was good for me. In these thirteen years, I earned experience and knowledge in telecommunications, networking and computer systems. In addition to that, I was closely related to the power grid systems and its auxiliary systems. These elaborate and develop a clear vision for my future career to be an information and communication technology specialist in power grid. The post graduate studies is the main enabler to this vision.

I want to specialize in computer engineering for three reasons. First, I earned a hands-on experience and knowledge in telecommunications and networking systems, network management systems, computer-telephony systems and applications. Second, I have a thorough knowledge in power grid systems and its auxiliary systems which I experience closely related that computer systems are highly involved in power grid in different levels. Third, since I attended the first workshop that [my country name] Electricity and Cogeneration Regulatory Authority arranged in October 2012 for the master plan of Smart Meters/Smart Grid in [my country], I am highly interested in the Smart Grid. I read the documents that the US DoE published about it, the Scotland 2020 vision for Smart Grid, and many academic papers that focus in the use of information and communication technology to achieve the goal of modernizing the grid to be Smart. I also attended the training workshop in Smart Grid in University of California - Los Angeles in March 2013.

I am aspiring now to study master's degree in computer engineering so I could be a specialist in information and communication technology to participate with the professional community to engineer and design the telecommunications, networking and computer systems to help achieve the goal of modernizing the power grid to be Smart Grid. For such an example, this specialty will enable me to understand the mechanism of cloud computing and virtualization that is suitable for the new business model that the Smart Grid will create for the energy services to industrial and residential sectors. Another example is applying information security systems, applications and procedures to secure this future digital power grid.

I had explored the program of the MS in Computer Science and Engineering in [US University] and I found it in line with my goals. I even found a master's program in Sustainable Energy and I found a course in introduction to smart grid, which means that the University is interested in Smart Grid, which means I could benefit from this and study some courses from this program as electives or attending it by listening; if it is allowed.

I am pleased to apply for the MS Computer Science and Engineering in [US University] to study in spring or summer semester. I am ready for any conditions that it is required to get the acceptance.

Yours Sincerely

[my name]
[my mobile number]
[my email]

Great job.
Related your experience and life situation to what what you want to do , shared your goals for your career and related them to the degree and the university. grammar and sentence structure is good and it flows well.

I would advise perhaps having more detail on how teh program suits your needs well, even though what you have is pretty solid.

This essay suffers from spelling mistakes, Grammar problems and poor transitions. Moving past that,

This isn't the most ideal way of starting your SOP. I'm sure whatever you present here will be present in your CV as well. Try starting the essay with an anecdote, or an event that influenced you to become an engineer in the first place.

One paragraph feels like a continuation of the other, it's better you join these up.

I have a huge issue with how you worded this paragraph, with the excessive use of the pronoun "I", it often interrupts the flow of my read, try to make smoother transition between the sentences. Furthermore, you've merely described your experiences, but you haven't described how it makes you want to pursue higher studies in engineering. You need to talk more about how it lead to your growth, and how these experiences will help you in graduate school.

This seems fine, but it should come after your description of what you plan to do in graduate school.

Your description of why you want to attend said [US University] is simply inadequate. This shows that you have not figured out a well thought out plan on what you want to do and how you plan on doing it, this is something that belittles the impression you create in front of an admissions officer. You need to talk more about the courses you plan on taking, the kind of research the department carries out and how it runs parallel with your own interests. You need to show them that you've properly researched their department before you thought of applying.


Doesn't the application ask for which semester you plan on applying for? :S . And you're supposed to fulfill conditions required for you application to be considered, if you want to get accepted, you have to make yourself stand out, and this statement does a very poor job of showcasing you.

Your statement simply lacks depth, personality, comprehensiveness and confidence. This is something that will simply not catch the attention of the admissions committee.

Thank you ByTheWay23 for your comment, I appreciate it :)

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Thank you shadman19922 , I appreciate taking this amount of time to review my SoP :)
Your comments are valuable , and I will try to re-write my SoP taking into consideration your comments.
Thank you so much

Good writing .. Still you can improve ...
Refer this -> how-to-write-your-statement-of-purpose-sop-10-tips ( Search in google with the same words)

Thanks Sree, I appreciate that
:)