SOP for MS Computer science

Hi ,
I have written my SOP for admission at Graduate level course.
This is my first draft so expecting a lot of advice from seniors.
Please comment and provide your feed back ,My GRE score is good but SOP can be deciding factor for my admission .
Thanks in advance.

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----SOP----

I have been fascinated by creative ideas that arise out of deep involvement and single minded pursuit in a particular subject and the consequential discoveries and applications. This has motivated me to involve myself in research and teaching in the future. So, I think a masters degree in Computer Science from XYZ University will provide enough opportunities to add to my intellectual knowledge and will be first step towards my lifelong ambition of creating something innovative and novel.

My undergraduate studies from Motilal Nehru National Institute of Technology Allahbad gave me good foundation in computer science and engineering field. Undergraduate preparation here has given me a very substantial knowledge of the basic areas of Computer Science. I have always strived to develop a clear understanding of the basic concepts and acquire an insight into the Science of Computing. Any amount of learning in Computer Science would be incomplete without hands on experience of Programming. In this regard I have completed various projects, both as part of my courses and out my own interest also.

In third year was I was involved in a research Project for reduction of computation time of large calculations by dividing them into parts and distributing these parts to different client on the network. We used Java RMI platform for sending the jobs to different machines. We were successfully able to develop the project although the results were not as par our expectations.

My final year project was "Load balancing in distributed system" under the guidance our HOD Professor Krishna Kant. The aim was to create middle ware which works as a load balancer in heavily loaded system with the purpose to avoid performance degradation caused by high load imbalance. We used JAVA language and Aglets Mobile agents Platform for creating the middle ware between end-user and system resources for better utilization.We successfully implemented the project and my interest in distributed system and network were aroused from this project and I studied various research paper and books about these subjects.

After completing my graduation I joined SIEMENS India as a research and development engineer in the Network Management Systems team. I was Involved in the development of product called Siemens Network Management System (SNMS).During my stay at SIEMENS I acquired knowledge about various phases of development of a world class product as I was involved in all the phase of product from design specification to coding on module level. I learned insights of professional development on JAVA/J2EE platform.This product gave me a practical experience on computer networks too. I worked on SNMP and CMIP protocol which are used for management of network elements over the network.

When SNMS went to maintenance phase I decided to join ATRENTA as a R&D engineer in the kernel team, which is the core infrastructure team of Atrenta's Spyglass Product. We developed customized Linux kernel for product specific requirement, parser for Verilog/VHDL languages and engine for logic synthesis from these languages. I gained practical knowledge about Operating Systems internals, Data structure, object oriented programming, algorithmic optimization from R&D work at Atrenta.I also worked as mentor for junior's in my team and provided training on "Object Oriented Programming and Development in C++" to freshers joining ATRENTA.

My work over the years increased my appetite for research immensely and I have made my mind to pursue a research career, either as a faculty in a university or a researcher in industry and Graduate Study at your department would be the first step towards this goal.I am interested computer systems, distributed computing, Programming languages and compilers. My undergraduate courses and project as well as my three and half years of Professional experience have given me plenty of exposure to these areas and I feel that I have sufficient motivation and aptitude to work in these fields.

I have excelled in academics at every step in my education. Throughout twelve years of schooling I have always been ranked among the top of my class. I secured 67th rank in Pre Engineering Test among 70,000 students to get admission Motilal Nehru National Institute of Technology, which is among the best engineering institutes in India. My undergraduate record is consistent through all the semesters, though I was more interested in some of the course and their practical applications.

I hope to fulfill my ambition in XYZ University which I consider as one of the best schools for research . I have gone through the brochures of XYZ very carefully and I have realized that the excellent research facilities and high standards of faculty will provide a perfect environment for me to focus all my mental resources and do independent research. With my excellent academic performance and great enthusiasm for doing research, I am confident that I will be able to meet the standards of XYZ.

I would like to end by saying that that I am fully aware that a career in research and academics requires a high level of intelligence, unwavering dedication and a lot of sacrifice. I am confident that I would meet all the above demands, and hence I appeal to the Graduate Admissions Committee to consider me for admission, and financial aid.

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Regards,
Nehal

There are too many "ands" in this sentence. I can barely make sense of it.


This isn't quite phrased correctly. You are not yet involved in research and teaching. So, you need to say something like, "this motivates me to become involved in research and teaching in the future."

However, I am not going to recommend that because it is just too dull.


Either XYZ is a strong research institution or it is not. If so, it certainly doesn't matter whether you consider it to be so. If you have studied the university so extensively, then you ought to be able to say which of its ongoing research projects interests you and/or which professor or professors with whom you would like to work. Be specific!

Indeed, that is my recommendation for your introduction as well. You have many details in the body of the essay, but the introduction is vague and unfocused. Say something that decisively introduces you and/or your specific research interests.

Beyond getting a degree (which I could guess from the fact of your application alone) what is your purpose? The fact that I don't know after reading your statement of purpose is a serious flaw in in it. Post a new draft when you have an SOP that actually does.