Appreciate your help ....
Working in oil and gas industry for about five years has changed my life because it discovered many skills and talents that I was not aware of them. Early in 2010, Iraq started an ambitious program plan to develop Its Oil and Gas field and to increase its Oil production. In 2011, I was lucky to be selected among a few Iraqi engineers to contribute in this development. As the industry in my country is growing up rapidly, more local skilled workers are required to strengthen this development. I have joined the industry as an Engineer who holds a bachelor degree in Computers Engineering, being as a Computer Engineer in Oil & Gas field was a very challenging position at the beginning of my career in this industry. However and as I constantly state, being challenged means being creative to overcome challenges. Early in this year I decided to take a vital decision which is flying to Texas to continue my education in Petroleum Engineering major at xxxxxxxxxxx University.
My educational background has prepared me to apply for graduate study. My high scores at high school allowed me to be admitted as an undergraduate student in very well-known government university in Iraq. In 2004, I studied for 4 years at the University of Technology which is based in Baghdad and later in 2008 I graduated with a bachelor degree as Software Engineer. I was 7th in the class out of 21 students. My average score for the 4 years study is 61.6%, while the highest student's average score is 65%. According to the World Education Services the interpretation of my grade in Iraq equals 3.0 GPA in the U.S. Here I want to affirm that professors in my university does not grant high marks to their students.
My work experience has prepared me to apply for graduate study in Petroleum Engineering major. After the graduation in 2009, I started my career to work for U.S. Army Corps of Engineers as Safety Site Engineer in construction project. Although my role was not related to my educational background, I found it interesting and important role. I have gained many experiences in the area of safety. My contribution to the project was absolutely necessary and I closed the project with zero safety incidents in 13 working months. Later in 2011, I started my career in Oil and Gas industry by working in HALFAYA Oil Field, The HALFAYA Oil Field is one of the largest oil fields located in the south of Iraq with 4,100 million barrels as estimated oil in place. It's operated by international consortium led by Chinese CNPC. The consortium split was 37.5% to CNPC, 18.75% each to Petronas and Total, and 25% to the Iraqi state partner. At the beginning I was hired to work as Network and Computer Engineer. Later in 2012 I was promoted to be as team leader in charge of planning and quality assurance of the data management of the Oil Field. In 2013, I decided to leave HALFAYA Project and work for Oil and Gas Service Company. I worked for Schlumberger Oil Service Based RUMAILA Oil Field which is the largest oil field in Iraq, and one of the largest oil field in the world. I was employed as Oil and Gas Data Management Engineer. I was responsible for the back-office support and/or proactive support and implementation of Information Management software products, services and solutions within the PetroTechnical workflows. And also I was responsible to deliver high quality on-site support and project implementation services to the clients of Schlumberger in Iraq such ExxonMobil, Shell, BP and etc.
I want to expand my knowledge in the area of oil and gas information management technologies. The information management technologies are being rapidly adopted in the Iraq oil fields. Managing and securing for both exploration and production data of an oil field is one of the major challenges in Iraq. I want to utilize my background knowledge in the information technology specifically in the data base technologies for the oil and gas industry. More significantly, I want to have in-depth and complete knowledge of the oil and gas industry.
Studying at XXXXXX University is almost the ultimate goal for every engineer works in the Oil and Gas industry in Iraq, it's ranked as one of the best universities in the world in Petroleum Engineering Study. XXXXXXX University is an internationally well-known university and valued by many national as well as international companies. I believe a Masters in Petroleum Engineering from XXXXXXXX will not only provide me with an in-depth knowledge of the field I have been working in for the past 5 years, but also an opportunity to gain broader understanding of the industry as a whole. I am hopeful that after completing my Master's Degree, I will rejoin the industry in Iraq as a more knowledgeable professional to contribute to the success of the development program of Iraqi Oil Fields.
I can help you with your SOP. I will try to focus on meaning and if there are some issues with grammar that could help you improve your writing.
1st paragraph: Since the first sentence introduces you and your background, this should be almost flawless. Here is a suggestion that will help you improve: "My work in the oil and gas industry, for about five years,
has changed my life. It made me discover many skills and talents that I was not aware of them ."
It's not necessary to capitalize oil in this next sentence. Please notice the changes in this sentence: "Early in 2010, Iraq started an ambitious program or plan to develop its oil and gas field and to increase its oil production." When you use growing up this refers to age, so I suggest you use "growing more". I am going to suggest deleting some information because if you are applying to a university to continue your education, they are aware of your prior education.
have joined the industry as an engineer, this was a very challenging position during the beginning of my career in this industry .
I like this sentence but I want to suggest showing your appreciation even more: However,
and as I constantly state I'm grateful to have joined this industry because being challenged means being creative to overcome challenges. In this sentence you needed to help the reader to understand that you were trying to overcome challenges in the industry you worked.
The last sentence has many errors, so you can make your sentence simpler: Early
in this year, I decided to take make a vital decision which is flying to fly to Texas to continue my education in Petroleum Engineering major at xxxxxxxxxxx University.
2nd paragraph: There are some minor errors in this paragraph that distract from the meaning slightly. I will tell you the sentence and what you should fix.
2nd sentence: "in high school"
3rd sentence: Place a comma after Technology and 2008. Also, place "a" before Software.
5th sentence: "4 years of study was" "average score was" (You needed to change is to was because this was in the past)
6th sentence: Place a comma after Services
7th sentence: " do not grant"
3rd paragraph: You are missing many words but these are slight errors. These words are "a" and "the"
The first sentence delete major. The next sentence begin the sentence with "After graduating and add "the" before U.S. ..."on a construction project." Place "an' before interesting. Change part of this sentence to: "...the oil and gas industry by working in the XXXXXXX oil field."
(Generally, the oil and gas industry should be in all lowercase letters.) The next sentence place "the" before estimated oil. Also, "the" should be before international. It seems as if you are not placing "the" before oil. It was only correct not to use the when you stated you worked for the oil company. In this paragraph, you also forget to place commas before "I". This was needed when you mentioned beginning hired as a network engineer and when you were promoted in 2012.
The last sentence in this paragraph should begin with:
And Also, I was responsible for delivering high quality... End the sentence with BP, etc.
4th paragraph: You need a transition word such as "However" to begin this paragraph. Change some of this sentence to: "Managing and securing both exploration..." There are some corrections in this sentence including a different transition word: "...
the information technology, specifically in the database technologies for the oil and gas industry. Moreover,..."
Final paragraph: The minor issues with this paragraph can be easily corrected. Change engineer works to "engineer" worker in the first sentence. Change oil and gas industry and oil fields to all lowercase letters. Also place "a" before broader.
I hope this helps you. Please read your SOP before submitting. It seems as if you have good information.
Thank you Lakia, your comments are really helpful . I have some comments and I'd like to read your suggestions.
First , let me assert that my English skills are not good as yours.
(1st paragraph: Since the first sentence introduces you and your background, this should be almost flawless. Here is a suggestion that will help you improve: "My work in the oil and gas industry, for about five years,
has changed my life. It made me discover many skills and talents that I was not aware of them .")
1- I used the present tens to refer the action is still continuous (has changed my life) , in another word, I can't the simple past because it's not completed in a specific time. ( please correct me if I have a wrong understanding
I look forward receiving your comments..
This is my feedback on your comments on the first paragraph and I will send you the rest as separate posts