Please kindly send me your opinions about my essay which is for an application of an internship regarding global health researches. I passed the word limit (500 words) and I was wondering how badly it will affect my essay?
I love to help people
A strong quality of mine is my dedication in helping others. Through various volunteering opportunities I have established communication skills, listening skills, and leadership skills. I am a member of International XYZ Clubs which allows me to help people who really need, serve my own community, meet humanitarian needs, encourage peace and promote international understanding through people from different cultures. With my friends who dedicated themselves to various aid activities like me, we got organized and attend various health programs which were organized by our club. As an example of volunteered activities that I worked are; supporting local and large-scale efforts to control and prevent diabetes and diabetic retinopathy, the leading cause of vision loss in adults of working age in industrialized countries, collecting donations for fully equipped ambulance for newborns in Bosnia and Herzegovina, worked in a sight - centered activity, which is called Sight First.
The most important health aid activity which stamped on my mind is absolutely the Sight First activity. We collected about 220 eye-glasses from our local people and send them to the area of Sri Lanka which was devastated by the tsunami of 2004, and which has thousands who lost their eyeglasses and their ability to see clearly. It was amazing and meaningful for me that, although there are lots of miles and an ocean between my country, Turkey, and Sri Lanka; the discipline and dedication to this activity of all volunteers were so strong, from beginning to collect the eye glasses to deliver them to the dependent population in Sri Lanka. The whole process was followed in an order professionally and this gave me the inspiration to use my organization skills and Logistics and Supply Chain education for these kind of activities and it gave me the opportunity to help them more on my behalf. I considered this process just like a supply chain management and helped the other volunteers to plan every step of this aid and took care of every single detail of the process.
I love to help people. However, when I wanted to go further, I realized I could do much more things with a professional guidance. I can help people by myself but when it comes to reach larger scales of areas and people it is easier to provide help to them in an organized way. With a group of dedicated people, this allows me to bring them more things that I can do by myself. Therefore, people who have better health opportunities like me should do something for the others to catch the same standards. Adding to my current compassion for the less-lucky people, the skills and knowledge I acquired from those activities will help me contribute more to the community.
These kind of experiences that I had, not only allowed me to be a positive effect role model for the people around me and encourage them to work with me in these activities, but also taught me how important responsibility and making a significant contribution to the discipline of health and humanitarian by using my own personal skills and education is. I believe with this internship I will catch a further opportunity to put my education of logistics and transportation together with my passion to help, to provide people who need health care support around the world, good health care and same opportunities with the developed countries.
Thank you for your help in advance.
I looks like you have a good grasp on the importance of volunteer work. I may change this sentence below to people who are less fortunate instead of less-lucky people.
Adding to my current compassion for the less-lucky people, the skills and knowledge I acquired from those activities will help me contribute more to the community.
You seem to be on the right track. Good work.