Statement of Purpose for MS in Computer Engineering in Embedded Systems

Hello everyone.
This is my first draft of SOP. Please evaluate it and suggest and leave feedback for improvement.
Please let me know if the length of this SOP is sufficient or not.
Thanks in Advance

After working for seven months as a software developer at Tata Consultancy Services, India's leading consultancy and software organization, I want to return to academic study and undertake graduate studies in Computer Science at Arizona State University.

After graduating from Jamia Millia Islamia with a degree in Computer Engineering, I felt that I should gain some practical experience working in an industry. Although I enjoyed the work in the industry I soon realized that I have to learn much more in order to pursue my goal.

My love for computers and its hardware began when I was in high school. My friends and I enjoyed working with computer hardware. My elder brother is an Engineer and a chip designer. I learned many things from him especially about the microprocessors. I always read about latest cutting edge technology and get really fascinated.

At undergraduate level, my interest became more focused. Although programming came easy to me, it was microprocessors and embedded systems that captured my interest. We were fortunate to have good laboratories and professors. I found that an embedded system is a very vast subject and many new things can be done using embedded systems. For this reason I chose to take a project in my final year of graduation on embedded systems. The professors at the university were really impressed with my practical skills.

I did not proceed directly to graduate studies after graduating because I wanted to gain some professional industry experience and also wanted to make sure that I had chosen the right subject and the right place before embarking on a course of study that would involve many years of my life. From industry experience I learned many things that would help me in my graduate studies. I became more responsible and sophisticated person with good business and social etiquettes and also the experience showed me how the industry works.

I wish to earn an MS degree in Computer Science, as it would provide an opportunity to extend my interest and knowledge in Embedded Systems to new heights. During short listing universities for MS in CS I found that your institute suits my fields of interests and is also considered as one of the best. Also I was guided to choose Arizona State University by an alumnus of this University itself who is currently working in Intel Corporation.

I believe my background has not only qualified me technically, but also given me the right mind-set for going further with my studies. In my opinion I have a focused outlook, strong grasp of the field and most importantly an interest in the field of Computer Science which would make me a good prospective candidate for your university. I am aware of the kind of dedication, perseverance and resolve I need to have for undertaking my graduate studies. I am sure that you will find in me a deserving and creditable student for your renowned University.

Although I enjoyed the work in the industry I soon realized that I have to learn much more in order to pursue my goal. ----------- up to this point you have not said what your goal is to the reader. Better say it in one of your earlier sentences.

I did not proceed directly to post graduate studies after graduating because I wanted to gain some professional industry experience. Iand also wanted to make sure that I had chosen the right subject and the right place before embarking on a course of study that would involve many years of my life.---------I spilt it to two sentences thinking that it would improve clarity.

From industry experience I learned many things that would help me in my post graduate studies.----I believe you are already a graduate and going to apply for a post graduate course. Aren't you?

MS degree --- does it refer to a masters degree?

You write well. I recommend to avoid using abbreviations too much unless you have a constraint on number of words.

Greetings !

A very good, well presented piece of work covering much of the subject matter and which is
clearly and lucidly written.

- Good attempt to consider and evaluate the issue presented.
- Good organisation, structure, use & flow of language, grammar and spelling.

Regards

Good point!
I think another sentence should be added to that very short first paragraph. Add a brief, quick, intriguing sentence that hints at your main idea, your main interest or intention.


This!! This should be part of that intro paragraph. This should be part of the main idea. The reader can only gain ONE big idea from the essay, so express this in the first paragraph and let the rest of the essay support that main idea.

Give the reader a FULL idea at the beginning, and use the rest of the essay to give details. :-)