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STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR GEOSCIENCE MASTER DEGREE, BRUNEI DARUSSALAM GOVERNMENT SCHOLARSHIP (BDGS)


shofihawan 1 / -  
Jan 28, 2021   #1
Hey There. The following paragraphs are my statement of purpose for Brunei Darussalam Government Scholarships application. I would be very grateful for your critics and suggestion. Thanks

In an essay of up to 200 words, describe your plan of study and/ or research you propose to pursue and relate this to your future career plan.

(You may include additional relevant material if there is insufficient space on this form).


STATEMENT OF PURPOSE


After finishing my bachelor's degree, I realize that being in field and studying how earth has evolved is my desire. Even though I was graduated from geophysical engineering major, I've already developed a keen interest towards geology since the sophomore year. During the final year, I had many opportunities to learn geology through my bachelor's thesis focusing on petrophysics and geochemistry characteristics of scoria lava in Bromo-Tengger Complex. Ever since, I try to pursue my dream to be a geologist.

I personally have a vision to focus on volcanology, linear with my previous bachelor's thesis. Furthermore, I propose magma evolution on volcanic product as a major focus of my thesis. Periodically, volcanic magma may evolve into different characteristics which leads to change of volcanic deposits as well as the morphology. Understanding the magma characteristic through rock samples data will provide the insights of eruption pattern and the future disaster mitigations.

Studying in Geoscience of Universiti Brunei Darussalam will give me new insights and experiences. Most of the subjects in this program, such as structural geology, stratigraphy, geochemistry, petrology, and mineralogy, which related to my study as well as its research facilities would be a big support to reach my dream.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,301 3340  
Jan 29, 2021   #2
What is the purpose of your thesis research? How do you see this contributing to the study of volcanology and/or earth science in the future? Why did you decide to focus on this line of study? What experiences led to this? The study plan needs to be longer and the purpose, needs to be better explained. I know that you are at the 200 word mark at this point so you will have your work cut out for you when it comes to editing your essay.

For starters, lose the opening paragraph. You are repeating your background unnecessarily. When writing a word limited response, always open with a direct subject related to one of the required discussion topics. That way you do not lose word space in relation to presenting the study plan and research proposal. The last paragraph also poses the same problem. Use the second paragraph as the first paragraph in the revised presentation. Then work on a more definitive discussion of the study plan in relation to your research. Use one paragraph for each topic. That should be more than sufficient to create a more interesting and informative essay for your application.


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