Personal Statement for Master of Science in Business Analytics at George Washington University

Hi guys! Feedback would be really appreciated!! Here is the topic,
In no more than 500 words, describe how the Master of Science in Business Analytics program fits into your professional life and career objectives.

Hope someone can help on the logic, grammar and wording!! Thanks a lot!!

theoretical and practical exposure to business analytics

What I am pursuing now is the master degree in Business Analytics for 2017 fall. Currently I am an intern in Advancy, a French consulting firm.

At first, as a part-time assistant, I participated in a project aiming at redesigning the pricing strategies for the Chinese market of Sephora, a leading cosmetics retailer and manufacturer and was asked to do data collection. Because I successfully led a team of 15 PTAs to do store check in four different cities under a strict time limit and then built and mastered a database which contains more than 20 thousand records of cosmetics products, with positive evaluation of my director as well, I was promoted to be an intern. Therefore, I got the opportunity to assist consultants in data analysis. Based on the large amounts of data and with specific methodologies, they finally proposed pricing recommendations to our clients' satisfaction. This was the first time in practice that I got to know the significance of data analysis attached to business decision making.

Meanwhile, according to some journals and articles on big data, I have learned that in the era of big data, corporations can realize value by effectively managing and analyzing the rapidly increasing volume, velocity and variety of structured and unstructured data which allows ever-narrower segmentation of customers and therefore much more precisely tailored products or services. However, many industries have not fully take advantage of the new type of data. In this sense, my long-term career goal is therefore to help a specific corporation to make the most of big data for better decisions. To achieve this, after graduating from George Washington University, I intend to join customer & market intelligence department at Unliever, focusing on using advanced analytic tools for better strategies.

To achieve my goal, I need theoretical and practical exposure to business analytics. The course sets of the business analytics program can help me to develop a sound understanding of business analytics. Meanwhile, I can learn how to apply the methodologies and technologies of analytics in the real business world with industry-related projects offered by this program. Most importantly, the program offers a prolonged study plan so that I can have the chance to find internship.

By fall, I will have nearly one-year experience in consulting. With more projects I can participate, I will develop better business acumen in different industries, which can help me better involved in class discussion and further study.

Ran, work in the reference to your current firm into the current second paragraph. That will allow the introduction to immediately show that you have a current career path that will benefit from the masters degree studies. Don't delve too much on the explanation of your work as an intern. That is taking up too much space and removes the focus from the prompt requirement that needs you to show the connection between your career realizations through your work experience, and what the masters degree course can actually do to help you advance your knowledge and allow you to grow your career upon graduation. Your final statement about the upcoming anniversary of your internship is irrelevant. It does not offer any new information as to how your studies will fit into your career plan. Instead, you are discussing how your studies will benefit from your career experience instead. That is the opposite of the prompt requirement.