Early one New Years' eve morning two years ago I just happened to be browsing through the most recent edition of the Princeton review when I stumbled upon an article on pursuing a Masters program in International Relations. The paragraph that remained indelibly on my mind was "if discussions about world events, international diplomacy, political conflict, and trade agreements get your heart racing,a graduate degree in International Relations and Affairs might suit you to a tee." It was definitely at that moment I realized that this was in fact my passion as I loved to keep abreast of global situations through reading and the BBC and I also loved discussing international happenings with family friends and teachers.
Soon after, I made a radical shift in my second year at UWI ST. Augustine campus from pursuing an academic direction in Sociology and History to International Relations. Over the next four semesters, I picked up the whole gamut of International Relations courses inclusive of International Financial Organizations, International Organizations, and International Political Economy where I excelled reaching in the top percentile of my class in each course. However, I also had a passion for business and entrepreneurship and trade as I would always be involved in some way or the other in some business venture from as early as my teens. I lived and loved business whether it was through actively trading in the regional stock exchanges or negotiating lease arrangements with tenants or researching new markets for new business ideas. In discussions with my lecturers, family, friends and business people I was not convinced that my international pursuits could also involve my business or trade interests in an academic program.
It was not until I was having a casual conversation one afternoon with an International Relations graduate at--- when he mentioned the Masters in International Trade Policy from -----. After doing countless hours of research I fell in love with the program offered as it has essentially been able to merge the two disciplines that I feel the most avid towards. On the International Relations side i get to understand the theory and the policy behind not only the International Trading system but trade relations between state and non state actors. However,on the business side of things I will be exposed to the processes involved in International Trade negotiations and International Business Strategy.
It has become clear to me that in today's world, barriers to trade are being broken down and technology is transforming the nature and pace of business and trade in the international arena. Throughout my academic pursuits I have witnessed these changes first hand through the study of the merits of new trade deals pertinent to the ---- region such as the ---- initiative and the Economic Partnership Agreement. In addition, through my entrepreneurial pursuits I have been able to witness firsthand the increasing globalization of trade as I am now able to connect with manufacturers and suppliers in distant provinces in China just with the click of a button.
This program with its international scope would certainly help me along the path to becoming a future ---- ambassador, as it would open up my eyes to different cultures and societies giving me the opportunity to represent and give back to a country and region which has continually nurtured and supported me in my academic pursuits.
I wish to assure the evaluation board that I will do my best to contribute and to be a success in this Programme. You can consider my achieved outstanding (above average grades in classes) results in classes and my strong transparent skills (analytical, target oriented nature and team work abilities developed at work and university) and my leadership qualities as prerequisites of my success. Thank you for considering my application and your time.
Overall, a strong essay. You obviously have a natural talent for writing well. Some minor fixes:
"I also loved discussing international happenings with family, friends, and teachers"
"It was not until I was having a casual conversation one afternoon with an International Relations graduate at--- when he mentioned the Masters in International Trade Policy from -----." Complete your thoughts, or at least your sentences.
"On the International Relations side I get to understand the theory "
"You can consider my achieved outstanding (above average grades in classes) results in classes and my strong transparent skills (analytical, target oriented nature and team work abilities developed at work and university) and my leadership qualities as prerequisites of my success." Your otherwise solid use of English goes away here. The bracketed clause shouldn't be necessary, the word "transparent" doesn't work, and while "prerequisites" does make grammatical sense, I'm pretty sure it isn't what you mean to say. Revise.
Yes, this is like a perfect, model essay, and I might use it as an example to show other members how to write well. Thanks so much for posting it here! Please check out the EF Contributor page (link at the bottom of screen).
I am glad Sean found some ways to help you, because you deserve it! For that last part, I was going to suggest something like this:
You can Please consider my achieved outstanding achievements (above average grades) results in classes and my strong, transparent skills (analytical, target-oriented nature and teamwork abilities developed at work and university), and my leadership qualities as prerequisites of my success.
Teamwork is one word.
target-oriented needs a hyphen.
The last item in a list needs a comma, so in this case a comma goes after the close-parentheses after "university."
...and, with 2 or more adectives you need a comma, so I put one after "long," but actually I think you might want to leave out the word "transparent," because it does not seem to go there..
Good luck!! and thank you