sop for The PDTF Scholarship
Please I would like someone to critique on this Statement of Purpose for MSc on Thermal Power and Fluid Engineering.
The PDTF Scholarship require that "Applicants are required to make a case for their scholarship by submitting a statement of purpose (maximum 500 words) stating the reason(s) they want to undertake the study, the relevance of the proposed study to the oil & gas industry and its expected impact on national development (MSc Applicants only)."
Below is my SOP
Living in a world where change is inevitable. I feel that today's energy importance and growing population is putting pressure on organizations to be more energy efficient and reduce emissions. Thus, I aspire to be one among those who design, develop, research and improve energy efficient and systems solutions for a better life. It is on this premise I desire to pursue a Masters degree in Mechanical Engineering with emphasis on Thermal Power and Fluid Engineering at the University of Manchester. My inclination towards science began from teenhood. I excelled in subjects like physics, chemistry and mathematics. Consequently, my candid and industrious efforts enabled me to gain admission into the department of Mechanical Engineering at the Rivers State University, Port-Harcourt, Nigeria.
During my undergraduate years, I have acquired and enjoyed basic knowledge of Mechanical Engineering courses such as Solid Mechanics, Fluid Mechanics, Heat and Mass Transfer, Mechanical Engineering Design, Mechanics of Mechines, Fluid Power Systems, CAD software etc. Hence, I successfully undertook a final year project " Design Analysis of Footpath Electricity Generation System" This project taught me the ability to deal with numerous practical challenges in the implementation of ideas and tasks and overcome them with limited resources. Thermal Power and Fluid sciences has fascinated my interest during my graduate studies. Masters in this field will advance my understanding of heat and fluid flow processes and their role in modern methods of power generation. Additionally, it will give me an in-depth understanding of numerical and experimental techniques in heat and fluid flow. feel that the University of Manchester, with its rich blend of competent faculty, would be the ideal place to shape my career and make me achieve my professional goals.
After the completion of my masters, I would like to work in the research and development of an organization, which specializes in the field of Computational Fluid, or turbulance mechanics. I would use the knowledge of Computational Fluid Dynamics (CFD) in the oil and gas industry for development of a new process, with a focus on refining technologies, for obtaining data in complement with experiments required for the process development, and for the troubleshooting actions or technology developments that will make the process even more efficient. I would also use the knowledge of heat transfer for the design of the cooling systems for electronic components mounted on printed circuit boards in a personal computer to the thermal regulation of nuclear power plants.
I would like to use the knowledge gained from my graduate study to add sustainable values to the society, either as a team member of a research group in the industry or as professor in a revered university in other to enhance national development.
Browsing through the University's homepage, I feel that masters graduate studies at the university of Manchester hold a lot of promise to me. The breadth and depth of the courses coupled with a stimulating environment seem to me the right mix for seminal work and pioneering in this domain.From a technical perspective, there are some grammar/punctuation mistakes that I found when reading this. The first sentence in the SOP appears incomplete, and I'm guessing you meant for a comma, not a period? There is a space after a quotation mark in the second paragraph and it's missing its closing punctuation as well. Also, the last sentence of your second paragraph is incomplete. Also, you should probably be consistent with the word "masters." Sometimes it is capitalized and sometimes it isn't. It likely should be capitalized throughout.
I am not familiar with the topic of your SOP, but you are thorough in your previous experiences and wants for the knowledge you'd gain in the program.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,864 
4788 The SOP can use more work. The most useful paragraph in this version, which should be the main focus of the new version, is paragraph 3. This is the part of the essay that contains the 2 important information that should be shared in the SOP:
- The purpose of your masters course
- How you plan to apply the knowledge
The purpose of your SOP is:
- I would like to work in the research ...or turbulance mechanics
While the relevance of the proposed study is:
- development of a new process, with ...nuclear power plants.
The information presented in these 2 paragraphs should be supported by your proposed masters thesis which should be based upon your desire to:
- be one among those who design, develop, research and improve energy efficient and systems solutions for a better life
After elaborating on these parts, you should be able to properly explain how the university choice and masters course can help you create a master plan, based on your master thesis, for a project that you can implement upon your return to your home country.
