Short statement of purpose for RSM MSc about entrepreneurship and Climate Change.

The SOP size is limited. I have space for one or two more sentences only. I'd be happy to receive some feedback!
I had to answer the question: Why do you want to study this master and why at RSM?

"I believe in the power of the youth and the possibility of change for the betterment of society. I also believe that private companies including startups are agents of this change and that they can influence the evolution of our climate. Here are my reasons for applying to the MSc in Strategic Entrepreneurship. I trust that it will provide me with a well-rounded knowledge in the main areas of business creation.

RSM caught my attention for several reasons. The first one being its location. Rotterdam is home to a culturally diverse as well as dynamic population. Living in Montreal and Singapore for the past 4 years, immersing myself in different cultures, I realized how enriching those experiences were, and I want to further experience the unknown and the diversity of a culture.

The second reason for my application to RSM is the Entrepreneurial mindset of the university, as well as the city itself. The Erasmus Center for Entrepreneurship is proof of the empowerment of entrepreneurs in which I would like to participate. Also, Rotterdam is a hub in which I believe I will have opportunities to exchange and meet people with whom I share a vision."

Let me know what you think.

My opinion is that you do not really respond to the question being asked. Your introduction is confusing and not really directed towards the area of study you are interested in. Maybe you believe you delivered a qualified response in that paragraph, but you did not do an effective job of translating your idea into a believable word format. It would be better if you revise the total essay so that you can clearly explain:

1. How your beliefs will be supported by RSM as an MSc student.
2. What specific aspects of study will address your theoretical and practical needs. How does RSM meet these personal requirements of yours?

Reasons for choosing the university should be more related to the area of study and exposure you can get from both the university and the country. That is not what appears in your explanation.