Statement of purpose for graduate study in petroleum engineering

Below is the my statement. Please review. I would appreciate your comments and suggestions.
Having in mind that my first degree was in Electrical Eng and not petroleum Eng...would you advise that I add/remove any details? Also, the school requested for not more than 350words and mine has 241 words...is it too short? Thanks.

During my university education, I started paying more attention to the energy needs of our planet. I began to realize the increasing reliance of humanity on oil and its products. In my country, I realized that the most viable sector of the economy was not agriculture anymore, it was the oil sector. I noticed that there were limitless opportunities abound in the oil industry not only in my country, Nigeria, but in the rest of the world.

The areas I'm particularly interested in are drilling and the separation of oil into the different petroleum products. My fascination about exploring and locating untapped reserves and the technology used to recover and extract oil, drives me to pursue a master's degree in petroleum engineering.

Until alternative energies can be widely produced, the need for oil and its producers will constantly increase. My awareness of this fact further solidifies my desire to become a qualified petroleum engineer.

My country, Nigeria, is one of the nations with the largest oil reserve in the world. With that, there is definitely a need for petroleum engineering professionals to maximize the potential within the country. As a graduate of Electrical Electronics Engineering, who has acquired the fundamentals of basic engineering subjects, studying Petroleum Engineering is definitely a right step towards my proposed career path. It would be the next step in actualizing my goal of becoming a qualified petroleum engineer.

Contractions should not be used in formal writing. So instead of I've, write out I have.

Your second sentence is too long. I'd also be wary of saying you did not attend college because you were unlucky and provide a more substantive reason such as family responsibilities, finances, extenuating personal situation, etc. Was the program not offered then? Are there any common skills between e. eng. and petrol. eng that you could bring out to show how that background will be helpful for petroleum engineering? I would go that route rather than saying the unlucky bit. HIghlight what can be transferred.

Although I was unlucky not to be admitted into a petroleum engineering programme at University level, my keen interest never wavered over the years.and I believe that is the reason I pursued and obtained a full scholarship from Shell Petroleum Development Company for my university degree programme.

The two areas which I am particularly interested in are drilling and the separation of oil into the different petroleum products.
You have two options here: take out "which", or move "in" to before "which". And again, careful about not using contractions.

My fascination with exploring and locating untapped reserves and the technology used to recover and extract oil, is what majorly drives me to pursue a master's degree in petroleum engineering.

This is a run on sentence.

Until alternative energies can be widely produced, the need for oil and its producers will constantly be on the increase.andM y awareness of this fact just further solidifies my desire to become a qualified petroleum engineer.


These sentences are way too long in general.

My country, Nigeria, is one of the nations with the largest oil reserve in the world. andWith that, there is definitely a need for petroleum engineering professionals to maximize the potential within the country.and as a graduate of Electrical Electronics who has acquired the fundamentals of basic engineering subjects, studying Petroleum Engineering will kick off my career in the right direction. andMoreover, it will equip me with the necessary skills to add value and contribute positively to continuously providing energy and ensuring that our world as we know it is adequately powered.

Your last sentence (as it would be after correcting the run on) lacks the clarity and weight that a last sentence should have. What do you mean by add value? to what? How is your 'adding value' different from 'contribute positively'. It seems redundant.

In terms of what you can add, please do add more about your qualifications. I don't get a sense of why you would be a great candidate after reading this. How did your interests not waver? What did you do to keep up with what was happening in the petroleum engineering world?

Having too few words would be okay if I came away understanding why you were a candidate that would add to the program. You start your discussion of that too late IMHO. At the same time, you have communicated a lot with the 241 words you did choose. I just think that more detail about who you are and your qualifications would make the statement stronger.

Hope something in here was helpful!

Good luck!

Your essay is great! This is all I could find;

I noticed that there were limitless opportunities abounding in the oil industry, not...

My fascination for exploring and locating untapped...

My country, Nigeria, is one of the nations with the largest oil reserves in the world.

your SOP is well organised. try and link some of the courses you studied during your undergrad to the new field you want to apply to.