Hello Guys, I hope to submit the application before 7th of January to Warwick Business School (Master), majoring in Management Information System and digital Innovation. Any help, input, or feedback would be appreciated!
So, I am hoping to shorten my essay, my target is 4000 characters, but currently mine is around 4200. Thanks!
Personal Statement
Master in Management Information System & Digital Innovation (MISDI), Warwick Business School (WBS)
Pursuing a Master of Science in Management Information Systems and Digital Innovation (MISDI) at Warwick Business School (WBS), I plan to explore educational programs and frameworks that can help me influence the bureaucracy of administrative activities in Indonesia. As an advantage that I can contribute to the learning process, I hope to share my values by bringing my experiences in digital product management in the consumer-facing industry and Information Technology (IT) consultancy to Indonesia's ministries and establishments. The MISDI program would help me achieve my long-term career goal of being a digital transformation director who can ease people's lives in Indonesia through improved digital governance and responsive IT service delivery.
My encounter with the information system began when I turned 17 and was registering for my identity card. I experienced firsthand how inefficient the administration process was and the inconsistency between online and offline procedures. Many, including myself, found some redundancy and intransparency of the system which led to cases such that they had to wait months to get their identity card. This disorganization often triggered illegal fees to quicken up the process. Thus, to understand the reason behind the digital bureaucracy phenomenon I witnessed in my country, I studied Information Systems at Universitas Indonesia.
In Indonesia, many have lost their trust in the government's system due to its terrible user experience and lack of standardized security. Many prefer to use applications provided by third parties, such as for payment using digital wallet applications. Consequently, the situation motivated me to have my bachelor's thesis, exploring the acceptance factors of QR codes on Digital Wallet Applications beyond technological aspects, such as subjective norms and personal innovativeness. The research concluded that the accessibility of the system directly affects the usage of the QR Code Payment Method as it contributes to the user's convenience in using the platform. Security of the system was significant in adopting the QR Code Payment method in a digital wallet, so they feel safe using the app for transacting.
My six-month-long research experience resulted in an opportunity to present my thesis at The 2021 International Conference on Advanced Computer Science and Information Systems (ICACSIS). Despite the achievement, I still seek to improve my knowledge in providing digital products to answer civil service problems in Indonesia. I am keen to address underlying issues to digital system adoption, such as "How cultures affect digital and technology innovation penetration?" and "How to make a practical digital innovation for the masses?". Therefore, I am intrigued to be lectured by Professor Ram Gopal of WBS, exploring the issue of intellectual property rights in Indonesia, and the topic of recent innovations such as blockchain utilization, relying on his guidance and expertise. Furthermore, I would nourish my ability to manage digital innovation and information system consultancy in a formal setting.
The notion of having a degree from a UK university is highly appreciated in Indonesia due to the Indonesian graduates' contribution to the nation in the tech industry. The recognition that comes with the MISDI program by WBS is among the best in the world. The MISDI program from Warwick suits me best as it provides practical experience, specialization in Management and Digital Sectors, and interest-based modules. Modules such as Managing Digital Innovation, Digital Business Strategy, and Information System Consultancy fascinate me to leverage my knowledge in information systems and reach my peak potential.
With WBS's commitment to plant a creative mindset to integrate IT and digital innovation, I am thrilled about the prospect of sharing my skills and experiences at the university. I also seek involvement in The Information Systems & Management (ISM) group to conduct research in digital innovation and other cross-boundary collaborations such as culture and compliance. I am confident in becoming a digital transformation manager, aiming to humanize technology as a solution by implementing digital innovation for public infrastructure.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 The 2nd paragraph is totally unnecessary and is probably the reason why you went over the character count. Consider removing it, allowing the focus to fall on the notable and important information instead. You can immediately skip to the third paragraph without affecting the essay in a negative way. By doing so you allow the screener to assess your credentials in a more professional manner.
It is important not to rely too much on your academic successes. Even when you apply for admission to a non-work experience masters course, you will be required to present evidence of work related exposure such as internships. Why are these references not mentioned in this essay?
Try to explain the professional relevance of the courses you are interested in. Don't just enumerate the courses and say it will help you.be specific about actual work applications. How would you apply these as stepping stones to your target work position?
The paper shows the development of your interest but is not properly developed in some cases. Those are the points I mentioned. Revise those aspects.
@Holt
Hi Holt, thank you so much for your input. I was told that if you are still a fresh graduate, you better focus on the academic achievement rather than your professional one. That's why I put more on my academic achievement instead. But, thank you so much for your insight I will look into your feedback.
Thanks !
