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Successful completion of master degree and Griffith's master's program is integral to my goals


jomi 2 / 4 1  
Mar 15, 2015   #1
Need proofreading for my sop for masters degree in Australia for visa application

My name is .... and I am a born citizen of Pakistan. I belong to a noble Christian family. Being the eldest amongst the siblings, I carry a sense of responsibility towards my family and myself, and have always strived to be amongst the finest of students. My previous results are a reflection of my Academic Character. I did my Matriculation in 2004 from .... I passed my Intermediate education in 2006 also from .... and then worked hard for my Bachelor of Science (Honors) with Major in Biology that I passed successfully from ...University in 2010. After having done my graduation, I completed M.Phil. in Environmental Sciences from a renowned institution ... in 2013. At the same time, I could not resist my love for multicultural environment so I moved to Thailand. Learning a foreign language and getting soaked into an entirely new culture has helped me a lot to become an open-minded and understanding individual and is a fantastic experience where I started seeing the world and environment from a different perspective. Since I have been interacted with several nationalities, I can develop a variety of viewpoints to solve problems.

...
btrfly7 - / 15 6  
Mar 15, 2015   #2
My name is .... and I amwas born a born citizen of Pakistan.
My previous results are a reflection of my Academic Character (No capitalization needed for academic character) . I did my Matriculation(I matriculated in 2004 from .... I passed my Intermediate education in 2006 also from .... and then worked hard for my Bachelor of Science (Honors) with Major in Biology that I passed successfully from ...University in 2010. After having done my graduation, I completed M.Phil. in Environmental Sciences from a renowned institution ... in 2013. At the same time, I could not resist my love for a multicultural environment so I moved to Thailand. Learning a foreign language and getting soaked into an entirely new culture has helped me a lot to become an open-minded and understanding individual and is a fantastic experience where I started seeing the world and environment from a different perspective. Since I have been interacted with several nationalities, I can develophave developed a variety of viewpoints to solve problems.

Being brought up in a developing country like Pakistan has already made me conscious about the environment and sustainability issues and has always made me concerned about the environmental issues related to urbanization and human population growth. While living in Thailand, I learned that how the urbanization and land use has been changing the environment in the past few years and that the evaluation and incorporation of environmental measures are as important as issues of planning, structure, services, space and form. Seeing all this, I am convinced and . I found myself having a strong desire to do specialization in urban and environmental planning to learn more and to develop professional skills. After gaining as much knowledge as I can , I would like to expand my horizons to pursue an international education in the subject of my interest of urban and environmental planning in order to gather more experience, knowledge, interaction and better prospect.

My choice to pursue education in Australia is not without reason or motivation. After doing adequate research about many countries, I found that Australia being an island is very concerned about its environment and uses the latest technology to maintain it. I am fascinated by the cutting edge technologies that are being used in Australia for maintaining and protecting its environment in this state of urban sprawling and feel that it is necessary for me to pursue a master's degree in Australia in order to further broaden my horizons and expand my career potential in this field.

Moreover, the education system in Australia is one of the best in the World ranking with second highest development index. Griffith University is known for quality education and integral growth and its Master degree in urban and environmental planning program offers an opportunity to specialize in areas that I favor. With my background, work experience, academics and zeal for work and research, I am confident of meeting the high standards of the program.

The opportunity to learn in an international environment and to collaborate with fellow students from various fields and backgrounds will expand my knowledge and provides me a new perspective which I would rarely meetexperience if I continue my education in my home country. I believe the opportunity and the experience will benefit me in my analytical and critical thinking, as well as my planning skill. Finally, I believe this opportunity will be the foundation of my future career as a professional planner back in my home country, Pakistan, after successful completion of master degree and Griffith's master's program is integral to my goals. I greatly appreciate your consideration of my application.

Thanking you in anticipation.

Hello Jomi. I have made some proofreading suggestions to your essay. Just keep an eye on long sentences. Breaking them up will make your essay easier to read. There is quite a bit of informational material here with regard to your interest in pursuing your program. Continued success!
OP jomi 2 / 4 1  
Mar 16, 2015   #3
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Thank u so much for ur response. i added some more in the following paragraph in my pursuing my interest. will it be enough?:

Being brought up in a developing country like Pakistan has already made me conscious about the environment and sustainability issues and has always made me concerned about the environmental issues related to urbanization and human population growth. While living in Thailand, I learned how the urban structure, land use, traffic jams and water drainage has been changing the environment in the past few years. This is undoubtedly one of the motivations for studying in a developed country as Australia. More significantly, that Pakistan is a developing country has generated various weaknesses in urban and infrastructure system which are illogical comprehension planning and zoning, traffic jams, downgrading of urban road and environmental pollution. Thus, it is undoubtedly that after completing the Master program in Australia, I will be able to record much more tools in urban planning and certain level of knowledge in society management which shall create opportunity and confidence necessary to work and contribute to the innovation of my region.
troy1993 - / 2 1  
Mar 16, 2015   #4
Being brought up in a developing country like Pakistan has already made me conscious about the environment and sustainability issues (. ) andI have always beenhas always made me concerned about with the environmental issues related to urbanization and human population growth. While living in Thailand, I learned how the urban structure, land use, traffic jams and water drainage has been changing ( "has been changing" sounds weak to me) the environment in the past few years. This is undoubtedly one of the motivations for studying in a developed country as Australia.

Ex. While living in Thailand, I learned about the negative effects of urban structure, land use, traffic jams and water drainage on the environment

More significantly, that Pakistan is a developing country has generated various weaknesses in urban and infrastructure system which are illogical comprehension planning and zoning, traffic jams, downgrading of urban road and environmental pollution<-- This needs a lot of work . Thus, it is undoubtedly that after completing the Master program in Australia, I will be able to record much more tools in urban planning and certain level of knowledge in society management which shall create opportunity and confidence necessary to work and contribute to the innovation of my region.


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