The Statement of Purpose is a one to two page typed statement that answers the following questions:
What are your reasons for undertaking graduate study at Carnegie Mellon University?
How do your experience, your education and graduate training in E&TIM, and your future career plans relate to each other?
I am applying for MS in Engineering & Technology Innovation Management at Carnegie Mellon U.
I am not good in writing essay - pls comment
Here is my completed SOP. It is 2 page essay (900 words), I don't know that it is too much or not.
Please check for the idea and smoothness.
Because of globalization, being successful in technology related business nowadays is more challenging and competitive than ever. Strong managerial skills alone could not make one's business successful. Personally, I believe that scientific expertise and innovative management are key factors to efficiently manage technology related business. Having graduated in Industrial chemistry and management major, I knew that there were plenty of opportunities for innovative business to grow for the next few decades. Since I am the one who is interested in innovative management and determined to achieve in this important path integrating all managerial, innovative, and technical knowledge together, E&TIM program at Carnegie Mellon University is perfectly match my interests and support future career plan as an innovative executive.
My intellectual interests, including both science and business, have inspired me to study Applied Chemistry program in the Department of Science, Chulalongkorn University, the most notable and prestigious university in Thailand. I graduated with BS in Applied Chemistry (International program), the first class honor, and received gold medal, being ranked the first in the faculty. In addition to my academic achievement, I did voluntary works using my skills to benefit the society by going to the local school in Bangkok to improve its plant cultivation, educate students on innovative hydroponic cultivation techniques and biofuel, and help promote sales and market of the school organic vegetable products. This made me proud that my knowledge and creativity are beneficial to society. From the statement "Good to Great" by Jim Collins, I have decided to pursue graduate study to broaden my vision and knowledge to help others in the near future.
Prior to my graduation, I had an opportunity to leave Thailand for the USA to do the scientific research as a senior project at Florida State University for 7 months. The research is about "Synthesis of Xanthine derivatives by cross metathesis and click chemistry" aiming to synthesize new Xanthine derivatives that could support or increase the efficiency of Adizothymidine (AZT). I have gained not only invaluable practical experiences working in laboratory, but also presentation skill, team working skills, and chemical inventory management. I consider that was the greatest opportunity to prepare myself for studying in higher level.
Once I graduated from Chulalongkorn University, after all my successes, I became a confident, determined, creative person. I am ready to encounter any challenge and breakthrough afterwards. I am not afraid of failure but learn from mistakes rapidly. Though I have a weakness that I might progress my work slowly, I did everything carefully and deliberately which enable me to create the best outcomes. Since my undergraduate major was Industrial Chemistry and Management which is designed for future technical managers of chemical related industry and business, I strongly believe that innovative management will be a useful tool for my career in the future. I have discovered that E&TIM program would enhance my current knowledge and broaden my vision by strengthening my capabilities in both technical and non-technical aspects. It also offers its students a chance to demonstrate their ability to think both creatively and strategically. The Engineering and Technology Innovation Management program at Carnegie Mellon University turned to be my only destination since I am interested particularly in International Business and Science, Technology and Innovation Policy. Moreover, it has elective courses that exactly suit my interest - International Business: Theory, Strategy, Policy, Global Competitiveness, firms, Nations and Technical Change, and Sustainability/Environmental Management. Also, studying there will give me an opportunity to gain working experience from summer internship in which I would notice significant features in the business in one of the most advance countries having innovative paradigm of thinking. Above all, the program appeared to be challenging for me as it is more competitive congregating with top students around the world. I am to learn and exchange my ideas and vision with all students and professors that would allow me to unlock my undiscovered abilities and potential.
By looking into the future, my plan after studying E&TIM program at your university is to have greater business proficiency by working in an international chemical-related company, such as Merck and BP, in Thailand as it is the center of chemical industries in South East Asia that produces and distributes chemicals products internationally. Working and obtaining more experiences, I pursue my ultimate career goal of climbing to higher management position in innovative executive. With the knowledge obtained from E&TIM program and work experience, I would focus my work on innovation research and development, and technical innovation by creating the organization culture to be innovation environment, as most companies in Thailand are lack of this culture, which is the major factor for Thai companies to be competitive with other transnational companies. That is my plan for the future, but at the present, the master degree from your university is to ensure me that my knowledge is extended and I have qualifications to be a great executive. I chose to study only in your institution because I saw the shadow of success in my future.
According to globalization, being successful in technology related business nowadays is more challenging and competitive than ever. Strong managerial skills alone could not make your business successful. Personally, I believe that scientific expertise and innovative management are key factors to efficiently manage technology related business. Having graduated in Industrial chemistry and management major, I knew that there are plenty of opportunities for innovative business to grow for the next few decades. Since I am the one who is determined to achieve in this important path integrating all managerial, innovative, and technical knowledge together, it is imperative that I am properly educated in this field, in a great course, and by a prominent institution.
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The rest of the essay is coming.
You can't say "According to globalization"
You should say "Because of"
Because of globalization, being successful in ...
Strong managerial skills alone could not make one 's business successful. Personally, I believe...
For you, I recommend "Good to Great," by Jim Collins.
Having completed a bachelor's degree program Industrial chemistry and management major, I knew that there were plenty of opportunities for innovative business to grow for the next few decades.
This is not bad, but it will be better if you tell them about a strong intention you have.. a specialized interest or plan for action. Do not just say you need an excellent education, etc., but instead tell them about your specific interests and specific things you want to accomplish.
:-)
Thank you for the comment that was very helpful.
This is the rest of my draft,
My curiosity in the balance between science and business has inspired me to study hard since high school and obtained a place at in the Department of Science in the most notable school in Thailand, Chulalongkorn University. I graduated with BS in Applied Chemistry, the first class honor, and received gold medal, being...
My curiosity in the balance between science and business has inspired----this part is strange... Do you mean 'curiosity about the balance...'
I think curiosity is the wrong word. I think you mean, "My intellectual interests include both science and business, and...
This made me proud that my knowledge and creativity is are beneficial to others. (right after this sentence, add a thesis statement before ending the first paragraph. Use that opportunity, at the end of the first para, to tell the MAIN IDEA of the essay. Sum it up in a single sentence.
Working and obtaining more experiences, then I pursue my ultimate career goal of climbing to the top management position.----- maybe you have some more meaningful goals. It is not very meaningful just to want to be on top. Getting on top is a means to an end.
:-)
It is 2 page essay (900 words), I don't know that it is too much or not.
900 words is about 3 pages.
Cut out some words:
Personally, I believe that s Scientific expertise and innovative ...
. From the statement "Good to Great" by Jim Collins, I have decided to pursue graduate study to broaden my vision and knowledge to help others in the near future.
---No no! Don't just throw the title of the book into the essay. I think you misunderstood me! Ha ha, I was recommending that I think YOU might enjoy that book. You do not have to mention it in the essay unless it is relevant.
This is all very good! If you are over the 2 page limit, choose some sentences to cut. You will have to choose weak sentences that are not so important. Getting rid of weak sentences makes the essay stronger.
