"the sucessful study at the business school" - Motivation Letter for MBA program

Guys, I'm a little concerned about my letter. Can just please anyone help me out? Just let me know how you feel about reading through it. Will it be a good choice of being a candidate? Thanks, Rahji

p.s because I will fill out the application form with the content so I skiped the format ..

With more than xxx years of extensive experiences, I have mastered the ability to work under pressure and meeting deadlines. My work scopes were involved various spheres of business process, General Administration, Finance, Logistics, HR, Customer Serivice and Supporting Function etc. My favorite work was working in XXX Department at XXX. Part of the job requires me acting as a working staff of organzing committee for international sysposium. The greatest thing what I have done was successfully to invite to be the key speaker and the panel speaker from a large group of high-profile individuals and top executive people from top global companies. Also,I have built up a long-term and good contacts with them.

The boss at XXX who I worked with inspired me strongly and gave me an invaluable opportunity to work in multicultural environment. For doing this job better, not only I made use of my times to do lots of readings especially business section of newspaper and magazine, but also I have attended professioal seminar and wordshop. In this regard, I started to think again about going back to school. Given the situation that I have been left school for so long, it is really struggling for me to make such a decision at the moment.

After left my last job with xxxx, I decided to take a short break to think through what most I want to do. During the period, when I look back my professional life along the way, I must admit I have achieved all of the goals I set for myself and I enjoyed them. It turn out the limitations of knowledge relating to business management and lack of international exposure could be barriers to get my feet on to the ground of the success and prospect growth in the struggling business world. I also have a plan to set up my own business in the future as my ultimate objective is to become a well-rounded business professional.

I'm always looking for something to establish myself and round out my skills through my career. Now it is the right time to do the right thing. After weeks of doing research on the official website, I can foresee myself with the enhanced capabilities and compentency with the help of the guidance at your esteemed school from now on. I clearly understand that this is a program of highly demand and competitive standard I'm applying for. I believe that I'm well prepared to cope with the chanllenges and requirments for the sucessful study at the business school.

Hei Mario! :D

I don't really know what to say. It really seems like you are an exceptional, smart, overqualified guy! And I guess that is important. I am not so sure what the prompt was, so I suppose it is ok. But I don't know for sure ... I feel like the essay you send should contain something else than what is already written in your resume. The first thing someone looks at is the resume, then the essay. If the essay will be a synopsis of the CV, then I suppose it can get quite boring. However, as I said, I do not know the prompt. So it might actually be the thing they asked for.

Please do explain what you meant where I have written with blue, because the sentence is wrong as it is now.

Oh, and next time, refrain yourself to one X! Damn, some might actually think you're bragging!

Everyone says this sort of thing, Mario, I think you should say something surprising, something unexpected. Share with the reader the idea that drives your ambition.

Given the situation that I have been left school for so long, it is really struggling for me to make such a decision at the moment.

After left my last job with xxxx, I decided to take a short break to think through what most I want to do. During the period, when I look back my professional life along the way, I must admit I have achieved all of the goals I set for myself and I enjoyed them. The reader does not need to know these details. The reader needs to know your big idea, your unique idea.

It turn out the limitations of knowledge relating to business management and lack of international exposure could be barriers to get my feet on to the ground of the success and prospect growth in the struggling business world. obviously!

I also have a plan to set up my own business in the future as my ultimate objective is to become a well-rounded business professional.-Now THIS is my favorite part. Tell the reader about your vision of the future. Give details about your philosophy and your aspiration.

:-)

I realized that I didn't show up my strength and my uniqueness in the application, thanks for your comments.

So I come up with something idea I should include my actual working experiences into it. Here it is, the new verison.

More than 5 years ago, I began a transition away from full-time Executive Assistant roles I held in the past to the business section of Government Relations. It gave me a vivid sense of strategic thinking and project management as well as cross-border client interaction were aspects of business. I was inspired completely most of times for the fact of I have engaged a variety of my strengths, from organizational skills to problem-solving capabilities. During my time with the firm, I have worked with a wide variety of organizations, ranging from large well-established corporations such as X Bank and Y, Z Company to high-profile law firm. For doing this job better, not only did I made use of my spare times to to keep up with the constantly changing business world by reading, but also I have also attended professional network and workshops which help me gain knowledge over the subject of current topics.

Before jumping into an MBA program, I sought a PR officer position to develop my business skills and gain additional work experience. I have experienced a lots of wonderful moments, the world-class auto maker exhibition and eco-friendly car product test-drive event, and the beauty of thinking out of the box attracted me. A perfect opportunity to begin this transformation arose from the benefits of my work for the organizing committee for international annual symposium. My first work at the hospitality allowed me to develop and strengthen communication skills of dealing with different clients with varied needs led me into the invaluable opportunity of working in a multicultural environment.

Morever, I have had the responsibility to supervise several employees with my previous employer X company. I learned that it is crucial to gain the trust and confidence of my co-workers. I worked with them through mutual respect and efficient communications and I enjoyed helping them to overcome their problems.

As a well-versed people, I have a dream, that is I could start my own consulting business one day. To fullfil with the objective, I understood it would require a detailed understanding of businesses, investments, finance and management. I clearly understand that this is a program of highly in demand and competitive standards that I'm applying for. I believe that I am well prepared to cope with the challenges and that I can meet your requirements for the sucessful study at the business school. I appreciate your consideration of my letter.