Why is the Texas MSBA the next logical step for you? Development during this one-year program.

Here's the essay question:
Why is the Texas MSBA the next logical step for you? How do you hope to develop, both personally and professionally, during this one-year program? (250 words maximum)

SOP essay for M.S. in Business analytics

I had my hands-on with analytics tools when I learned and applied analytical techniques like fuzzy logic and k-means clustering to develop a method to determine the level of service of a road as my major project for my undergrad.

At Deloitte, I have been working with Anthem Inc., a health insurance company, to store and leverage healthcare provider data using ETL and reporting tools. I learned about data warehousing, database systems and got a healthy mix of analytics and business consulting exposure. The project gave me a 360° perspective on how data can be leveraged and manipulated into sets to answer big business problems. My curiosity led me to investigate other ways one could create value out of this data to answer complex business problems. I realized that I needed more knowledge to answer that.

I look to expand my knowledge of the quantitative and programming skills required to solve complex business problems. The Texas MSBA, with courses like Predictive Modeling(machine learning), Text Analysis and also a blend of business-focused marketing and finance courses and the Capstone course to tie all of this together, will give me the skill to leverage data and communicate solutions to industry problems.

Since the program is offered under the Business School, I also hope to learn as many soft skills as technical skills to help me develop personally. I hope to explore new fields like decision analytics in healthcare with the brightest minds in academia, to fulfill my vision- extending the benefits of analytics for public welfare- by developing predictive models to control the soaring cost of healthcare.

Varun, you have the wrong approach to the prompt. Remove all references to your professional experience at Deloitte and your "hands-on" whatever. Those are not required in this essay. What is required, is an explanation of how "Predictive Modeling" will help you increase your profile as a Deloitte employee. How will that subject help you develop professionally? Explain its significance to your work tasks. The same goes for Text Analysis and the Capstone course. Those tied-in references and explanations will take care of the professional development part of the response.

What you need to develop, as it is currently missing from this version of your essay is the reference to your personal development. How do you hope to achieve that? Consider the social climate at the university and the diverse student body. What can you do to help increase the "fun" element of learning after classes? How will that help you socially and maybe, even professionally (in terms of networking). The social development is something you will need to think about because it seems that you forgot to consider that discussion when you first drafted this essay.