Thirty-one years old studying mother. Personal Statement Ohio University Family Nurse Practitioner

Appling to family nurse practitioner school has been a dream of mine since I stated my associates degree program almost four years ago. I was so excited to become an RN but I was always looking to the future and knew that it was just the first step in a much longer journey. I decided to start school when I was thirty-one years old, a mother of two active boys and married to a deployed military husband. Many said that I was crazy, that I could not do it all, but I knew that I could. I set high goals from the start and knew I would go all the way. I love nursing and have enjoyed my time as a floor nurse but I knew from the beginning I wanted more. I knew that I want to be able to help people on at a higher level. My dream of becoming a Family Nurse Practitioner will allow me to help patients increase their overall health outcomes while managing their primary health concerns.

I have leadership skills form other roles in my life. I am a member of a non-profit that supports literacy in our local community. As the president of Lima Junior Service League I am proud to say that we have donated over 3,000 books, in the last 5 years, to the underserved children in our local city schools. Many of these children would not have the opportunity to have new books if it was not for this outreach of our organization. Becoming an advanced practice nurse will give me the professional latitude to diagnose, prescribe, and manage the overall care of a patient including emphasis on prevention and education throughout the patient's lifespan. Providing this advanced care in my hometown will allow me to develop close-knit bonds with my patients and their families and be able to give back to the community that has given so much to me.

I have selected Ohio University's program because of your excellent academic reputation, your dedication to current and future research and your commitment to educating healthcare providers. I feel I am ready to succeed in your program - mentally, financially, and academically - and that I have the skills necessary to excel.

Amanda, this personal statement does not work at all. It seems that you wrote it in a rush and did not really give much thought to the content of the statement that could help the reviewer see a personal, caring side to you that would work well with the Practical Nurse occupation. You can't just write a single paragraph string of sentences and hope that it makes sense. A personal statement is exactly that, personal. I did not feel any connection between you, being an RN, and the possibility that you would do well as a PN. However, there are things that you can do to better present your personal statement.

First of all, you need to do some self-reflection and consider the personal reasons that you have which led you to become an RN and how this logically led you to the decision to pursue a higher level position as a PN. Talk about your experience as an RN and the way that you saw PN's on the floor helping the patients. Explain how that affected you personally and led you to this life changing consideration.

Second, look at your family life. Having kids and a deployed husband, how does being a PN fit into your family context? That is the most personal level of connection to a future career that you can have and it is also something that will impress the reviewer. Show a connection between your mother instincts and how it helped you realize your calling as a PN.

Finally, talk about how becoming a PN will help you better yourself as a person, mother, and professional. Discuss how you see your character traits evolving once you become a PN. These are the types of discussions that will help make your personal statement a serious and information filled statement.

"Appling to family nurse practitioner school has been a dream of mine . . ." That would mean the simple act of applying fulfills your dream. Your dream is no doubt much more than that.

"I was so excited to become an RN but I was always looking to the future . . ." From the New Oxford American Dictionary, "but" is used to introduce something contrasting with what has already been mentioned. Yet the phrases following "but" are more of an extension or reinforcement of what preceded them, not a contrast.

". . . . help patients increase their overall health outcomes while managing their primary health concerns." This phrase sounds like it's part of a job description. While it's no doubt true, it just doesn't sound personal.

The second paragraph actually seems like two different paragraphs. The first part seems personal but the last two sentences again seem like they're from a job description or mission statement.

I largely agree with the comments offered by vangiespen. Furthermore, when I'm writing a truly important document, and surely a personal statement for application to a university program is important, I always have several resources at hand. For me those include my Oxford American Dictionary, a synonym finder and the Chicago Manual of Style or other recognized style manual such as the APA or MLA manuals. It's important that the people reading your submission can see that you've taken great care to produce a thorough picture of your personal reasons for applying to their program. The resources I've mentioned can help ensure that your writing is clear and concise and that each word, each turn of phrase conveys exactly the nuance of meaning that puts your application in the "Accepted" pile.

Best of luck to you. Cheers!