Untainted Eyes
When you think of your childhood and the significant role models that you secretly aspire to be, normally these thoughts are similar amongst you and those close in your age group. During my childhood, a young girl's typical ambitions were to get as far as possible in school and then, ultimately, find a man to marry and with whom to have children. This is an image that I secretly frowned upon growing up in West Palm Beach, Florida. Sitting in a room with my mother, who is the proud mother of 4 and has 2 unwed daughters, both of whom are under 25 and have one or more children, was the turning point in my life. Starring into their eyes and telling them I had decided to go off to college, knowing inside that my decision insulted them and all the friends I left behind. My mother freely expressed her disgust that I would ever think I was better than her and the aimless aspirations she had for my life. The loud vulgar outbursts and hurtful comments I endured that Sunday are what keep me pushing forward, and never looking back.
Nova Southeastern University was my first experience stepping out and seeing the world with untainted eyes. As I walked up the stairs to my dorm room I could feel the toxic air blow out my body and a breath of new life enter my lungs. I became more rejuvenated every day away from Palm Beach County.
However, while my grades were up to par, my financial circumstance fell short. I received a denial letter for my loan to pay for school, and this action alone took away every dream I had ever dreamt in a matter of seconds. Yet, that letter would have nothing on the call I would have to make to my mom saying "hey you were right, and this life was not meant for me." In a room with the same container that once held my dreams now was the sure holder of all experiences I was to ever gain in college. I knew if I walked out of Goodwin Hall and returned home without a plan, it would be detrimental to whatever future I might, potentially, have. A broken down, lifeless, and distraught young woman was NOT what I longed to be.
Check out was not what I expected. You must sit down with a counselor and let them know your next steps. With my impatient mother in the lobby waiting, I was sure this meeting would be short and nothing close to sweet. Contrary to my belief, I walked out with the knowledge of a community college cheaper and closer to home. I sat there in that office holding on to my dreams filling out an application. In the lobby my mother was gone and sad to say, that was the last time I saw her. That night I moved in with a friend to attend Palm Beach Community College, a cheaper start to a greater journey.
Jane Addams once said, "Nothing could be worse than the fear that one has given up too
soon, and left one unexpended effort which might have saved the world." My efforts to become a lawyer may not change the world for everyone, but they would change my world and my circumstances. I don't know what life may bring or if turning my back on my family was the best thing to do; all I know is that the life my mother wanted for me is not fit for young women of my caliber who come from "my side of town". So, when I want to have a normal college life and not have to work two jobs to pay for my education at Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University, I think of the epidemic that will occur in the minds of the girls in my old community, and the effects, how the cure will be too far out of their reach. People have many reasons for wanting to enter the legal field, but my reason is just to succeed, the silent mouths and hopeful eyes rooting for me to make a difference. They want the same chance I have, but have not the slightest idea if it could be done. Could a child coming from the projects living on welfare, the product of a broken home make it? I am the living answer and say to them, "I don't know but I'm not going out without a fight!"
The opportunity to succeed is my only fuel to persevere. Most individuals have a secondary plan, but my education is all I have. To be given an opportunity to attend law school would not only refuel me, but would give me a chance to work meticulously toward a career goal at which I know I would excel. I know I would be a great asset to your program because I take pride in working hard at every project that comes my way. I not only have determination, but the will power to step out with nothing and return with everything. This program would help me prepare for the legal profession, and give me the best chance to flourish among peers with similar aspirations to mine. I request admission into law school not only for the experience but to imbibe the best preparation for the next stepping stone to a career in the legal profession.
I think that this is far too personal and emotional for a law school application. Focus less on the relationship you have with your mother. In the essay, it sounds as if you're only reason for wanting to go to law school is to prove your mother wrong. That kind of motivation probably isn't what the admission committee is looking to hear about. What is it that you love about LAW? What kind of law do you want to go into and why? What are some experiences you had as an undergraduate that helped form these opinions and desires?
Swing the pendulum the other way--write a totally non-emotional, non-intimate version of your essay, then try to put the two together in a way that is appropriate and unique.
When you think of your childhood and the significant role models that you secretly aspire to be, normally these thoughts are similar amongst you and those close in your age group. During my childhood, I was in an environment where a young girl's typical ambitions were to get as far as possible in school and then, ultimately, find a man to marry and with whom to have children.---> I think it is better without the first sentence. :-)
Trimming some more:
However While my grades were up to par, my financial circumstance fell short. I received a denial letter for my loan...
My efforts as to become a lawyer may not change the world for everyone! but They would will my world and my circumstances.
:-)
