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"Where there's a will there's a way" - help me revise the Statement of Purpose



marzieh 1 / 1  
Jun 22, 2009   #1
"Where there's a will there's a way"
I strongly believe in these inspiring words. They have always inspired me against obstacles and hurdles.

I was introduced to physics by my sister at the age of fifteen; at that time she was a physics student. She pointed out aspects of a phenomenon, and then asked me questions to make sure I understood the concept behind the problems.

Understanding that the mathematics is the language of the physics, I chose the major Math & Physics at high school. Interest and perseverance helped me to be among the top students of my class.

To extend my knowledge of physics I chose the major physics. I studied at the University of Valiasr four years. As a student of physics I took deep interest in subjects like Electrodynamics, Quantum mechanics and Laser. During my courses as an undergraduate student I did my best, and I got the top student.

After completing my B.S. degree, I worked as a teacher at Imam Sajad high school- Marvdasht, where I understood being a good teacher needs patient.

Then I was accepted at Iran University of Science and Technology in major photonics. This started journey on learning the optics and communication. The science-oriented school gave me an extensive background in physics and particularly in photonics. I took courses such as Fundamental of Photonics, Modern Quantum Mechanics, Laser electronics, Classical Electrodynamics. Fortunately this time I was honor student, too.

The subject of my master project was "Atmospheric turbulence and numerical evaluation of Bit Error Rate (BER) in free space communication"
After an oral presentation and defending my thesis, I got my diploma.
The paper took away from that project published by Technology of Laser and Optics. 2009. Besides, I presented a relevant poster at the Conference on Optics and Photonics, Isfahan, Iran, 2009.

I like experimental research in physics. I am interested in participating in a perfect team to experiment physics and I deeply believe that the excellence of your program, along with my capabilities and motivation, will help me to attain my destination to become an experimentalist.

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Jun 22, 2009   #2
This isn't a statement of purpose. That is, you haven't actually stated your academic purpose, except to say that you want to engage in "experiment physics," which the reader could probably guess from your application to a graduate program in physics. You should be a lot clearer on what you hope to study, specifically, about physics, and what you intend to do with the knowledge you gain from your studies.

Beyond that, your essay suffers from over-reliance on weak verbs. This is a common problem, one that isn't too difficult to fix. Read this article for a sense of how to fix the issue when you are revising:

Once you have revised your essay for content and style (via strengthening the verbs), post your new draft here for more feedback.
OP marzieh 1 / 1  
Jun 22, 2009   #3
thanks for your response. I'll send the revised one.
EF_Simone 2 / 1975  
Jun 22, 2009   #4
Keep the portions where you describe the growth of your interest in physics. Just add more about your purpose in studying physics now. What's the most exciting work in the field to you right now? If you could join any research team right now, which one would it be? What burning questions in physics most intrigue you? Those are the kinds of questions that can help you figure out what to say.
Liebe 1 / 524  
Jun 26, 2009   #5
You are from Iran? Cheetori? Khobam?

That is as good as my Farsi gets.


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