Hi! I am applying to Graduate Program (Petroleum Eng) and they are asking to write about my experience (employment, internship etc). I will be very thankful if you give any feedback and help.
On June 2013 I had an internship on the position of Field Engineer trainee in 'Wireline' segment of Schlumberger in Aksai, Kazakhstan. First of all I introduced and learned the basic policy of the company including the main business of the company, its strategy, the segments that it has etc. Afterwards, I had theoretical courses on safety policy of the company that called Schlumberger Injury Prevention Program (SIPP) and showed it on my practice. This program is required in order to work on base.
Nurba, did you intern at only one office during your time as an intern? If you have more than one internship or training experience, you should be sure to mention the most important ones in your essay. That way you can offer a summary of the non-professional work experience you had in relation to your degree rather than waiting for the admissions officer to read about it in your other submitted documents. This way, he will look for additional information within your submitted papers.
Try to cut down on the wordiness of your essay. You can do this by discussing only the important activities that you participated in which you are sure will be impressive to the reviewer. Also, since you did not give a daily account of your activities, you should not start your paragraph by saying, "On my first day..." Just discuss the important activity immediately. The reader already knows that you had a first day as an intern.
Rather than constantly describing what you did during your essay, you should save the later portion of it to explain what you truly learned, on a personal basis, during the time of your internship. If you learned important job related information that was not taught in school, discuss it and explain why you feel that is important to the development of your career and how that information can help you in the future.
This is basically a good essay, but it has room to become better, at least my opinion :-) The grammatical errors can be corrected once the information within the essay is solid and will no longer be revised.
Thank you for your feedback! I will take into consideration your comments and re-write essay
Please give details of your current employment (if applicable) and any previous employment experience (with dates) that is relevant to your application. Please list your most recent post first. - It is what the committee requires.
Here is modified one
On June 2013 I had an internship on the position of Field Engineer trainee in 'Wireline' segment of Schlumberger in Aksai, Kazakhstan. First few days of my internship I passed in OFS (Oil Field Service) office where I had a chance to learn the basic policy of the company including the main business of the company, its strategy, the segments that it has etc. Afterwards, I had theoretical courses on safety policy of the company that called Schlumberger Injury Prevention Program (SIPP) and showed it on my practice. During these courses I discerned that the several techniques used in prevention of injuries on the work could be very useful in our everyday life and I understand the importance of the safety and professional ethics issues.
After, successful completing of the courses I moved to the base, where initially I was directed to the operators in order to work with them. When I worked with them I learned how the tools and equipments are called and their basic construction. Further I learned the way of preparation of the tools and equipments for the field job and it was very interesting that Schlumberger has a database that is called RITE, where all required information about any tool and device exist. Moreover, I have learned the processes of how Fast Inspections of Tool, Tool Routine Inspection Monthly and Quality-Check are done.
Then, I was involved into the calibration of the basic devices and tools. During these activities I also tried to get some knowledge about their application, the theoretical explanation of their mechanism. my knowledge that I have got on the classes of the general engineering such as Sensors and Actuator, Control Engineering, Fluid Mechanics, Thermodynamics etc. were helpful for me to understand the work principles of the those equipments and tools.
Despite the fact that a position of field engineer in Wireline segment is pretty narrowly profiled and more related to the geology and geophysics, I could an opportunity to get familiarized about the the basics of Petroleum Engineering, especially Upstream. One of the most interesting parts of my internship at Schlumberger was the visiting the field and making operations there. Due to this I passed H2S courses at special training centre. At the courses I got familiarized with prevention techniques during the accident related with H2S and learned how to use 'breathing apparatus'. After completion of the courses our team was directed to the 258 rig of Karachaganak Petroleum Operating Company in order to do two runs. On the first run the DSLT (Digitizing Sonic Login Tool) with its telemetry and sonde was used that showed the quality of the cement behind the column. However, on the second run we used the PMIT (Production Multifinger Imaging Tool) with its telemetry that is good for determination of the corrosion of the column. On the field my main function was to help operators to do rig up and carry the tools from the 'Wireline' station to the rig. Also I had a chance to observe the real engineer's work on the field. During the whole period of my internship the good communication skills that I have gained during my classes at the university were very helpful for me, because I could easily work in team and communicate with its members.
Finally, my presentation skills that I have improved and huge amount of practices in making presentation at university were helpful during preparation of my final presentation, which was about the Ultra-Sonic Imagining Tool, where I explained the main functions and mechanism of it, how the tool works and answered to the numerous questions of my mentor and other engineers.
Guys, I will be very thankful for any feedback!
Nurba, is there any way that you can just summarize the positions you held there and offer only the most important tasks that you performed or learned on the job? This portion of the essay is too long and provides too much information about the minutest task that you performed. The admissions officer does not have the time to sort through this list of job descriptions for the most important ones. Just tell him the most important aspects and move on. That should be the format for all the job descriptions that you will be providing in the statement about your internships. You need to learn to sort between impressive and so-so job descriptions. You are out to impress so keep it short but admirable for the reader to learn about :-)
How do find this one
On June 2013 I had an internship at Schlumberger in Aksai, Kazakhstan. I started my internship OFS (Oil Field Service) office where I had a chance to understand the importance of the safety and professional ethics issues of the company.
Afterwards, I was moved into the base of "Wireline" segment as a field engineer trainee where I worked with operators and field engineers. Due to lack of background in Petroleum Engineering I started from learning structure of the rock and well and the process of tanking the oil and from the rock. Further, my knowledge that I got on the courses of general engineering were helpful for me to understand the work principles of the equipments and tools. Also, I learned the processes of calibration, Fast Inspections of Tool, Tool Routine Inspection Monthly and Quality-Check.
Finally, I had an opportunity to visit and work on the field of Karachaganak Petroleum Operating Company to which Schlumberger provides its well services. During the field job our team did two runs for 258 rig. The first run was focused on the assessing the quality of the cement behind the column, whereas the second one was the determination of the corrosion of the column.
Nurba, much better. It is highly informative without being a lecture for the admissions officer to read. Now you have a concise essay that answers the prompt in the shortest but most informative way. If there is any part that you should expand upon a little, it will be your current work experience because that is the one that the admissions officer will concentrate on learning about, since it is the focal point of your essay prompt. It is in that portion that you should provide any information about accolades or new technology that you learned about. Overall though, the essay works well in terms of introducing your professional career, achievements, and training.
What would you say about the flow, cohesion and grammar of the above essay?
Nurba, the above essay only need to be corrected for grammar issues. That is something that I am saving for the last part of your revision work because we need to perfect the content of the paper first. The essay works in chronological order which is the specific format the essay requires (newest work experience to oldest) and summarizes the work experience where ever possible. the grammatical issues and other sentence structure problems can be dealt with once we are both satisfied that the requirements of the prompt have been properly addressed :-) Feel free to ask any more questions that you feel will help you better understand the requirements of the essay or if you require more guidance with the revision :-)
Since, I am a student yet, I do not have large amount of work experience. I completed only 2 internships, and the above one is the newest. Now, I am writing description about the second (previous) internship.
How do think the content of the above essay can be improved and do I properly addressed it?
P.S. Admission office told that I can use both essay format and listing format in order to give info about work experience.
Nurba, since you are allowed to use the listing format for your application, I suggest that you use it to the fullest extent. The listing format will allow you to give a detailed description of your internship experience without having to worry about the wordiness or over descriptiveness of the statement. In order to effectively use this format, list the name of the company, your job description underneath and then beneath that, number your work responsibilities from the most important to the least important. Do this for both internships. Do not write in essay style with the listing format. Go directly to the description of the work you did. Don't number it either. Use special characters instead. An asterisk or bullet points normally work best in listing style.
I hope you can upload the listing style version of your essay here so we can help you with it some more :-) That is if you want to use the listing style. I believe it will be easier for your to use in your essay since you have limited work experience and the list will make it seem like you did more important things on the job than you actually did :-)
ok, thank you!)))
Also, I wrote to one of the Recruiting managers of that university and asked about which format will be better for Admission Office. He replied " I believe that in essay format would be best. You should then have more flexibility to mention how your work experience relates to skills and knowledge gained which make you suitable for the course you are applying to study."
Now, I do not know what to do)))
Nurba, go back to the original essay. Then refer to my previous responses that advice you about how to shorten the essay in a logical and acceptable manner. Apply it to the new version of the essay format that you will be writing and then post it here. Let's see what we can do about providing a more informative paper that does not run like a research paper in word count :-) Try to just include the most important information about you. Remember, this is just a summary version of what your submitted documents should already be presenting. Be concise but not overly informative. Select only the information you feel needs to be highlighted about you for inclusion in the essay. I look forward to reading your latest version as soon as possible :-)