[Contributor] - / 6,681 1671
tunguyen, since you chose to visit New York City, not just New York, then you should be able to say more about it that just it is a beautiful city. You should be able to mention some specific tourist spots in New York that you look forward to visiting and explaining why. For example, you could visit The Statue of Liberty, Central Park, The World Trade Center, Empire State Building, and, since it is popular at the moment, Trump Towers. By mentioning specific places, you should be able to better explain why New York City is a good place to visit and also, what you hope to experience and learn about the place. By the way, you do not "Come in New York". The correct sentence structure is "Going to New York" or "Visiting New York".
..., the first choice that comes to my mind
will be is New York. .., various culture and a lot offascinating unusual buildings. ComeVisiting in New York is ... and modern life in one of ... I hope to expand mine[/R] knowledge and learn from [R]the essence of ... MoreoverThus, I desire to ... Hopefully, I will be able to fulfill my dream of visiting New York
Hi! I like how you have structured your paragraph, but you need to be a tiny bit more careful about verb tense, and grammar in general. Otherwise, I think you did a pretty good job! And yes, I agree with Holt as well, I think you talk a little bit more about why you look forward to New York City. You talk about how you like its culture, so maybe you could add on to that as well.