Paraphrase introduction in IELTS Writing task 1

i wonder whether i paraphrase well or not. Please give me your judges. i also appreciate if you can correct my mistake. thank you

"The given line graph reveals the tendency of occupation and prognostications to the future in the USA."

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Well, the paraphrase clearly shows your lack of proper English word knowledge and usage. You are using archaic English words like


when you could have just as easily referred to it using the more common and everyday term indicator, forecast, or guess. Remember that this paper is being graded upon your ability to report the information using regular English words rather than stylized or profession related terms. Archaic English words most definitely do not have a place in this presentation. Do not focus on LR considerations alone. The wrong word choice, such as in this presentation, could easily make you fail that scoring section. The paraphrase is not well written. I would have restated this as:

A line graph depicting the US workforce rate has been presented for review. The information began charting in 1975, with an estimation being provided until 2025. The numbers presented cover 3 areas namely: manufacturing, services, and agriculture. The marked trends presented are...

Keep your language simple. Basic to intermediate English words used in the presentation will return better sectional scores. Focus on the clarity of your idea presentations instead as these have a major effect on the main scoring consideration.