Letters / I can vouch that he is one of the most brilliant students; letter of Recommendation [2]

Greetings!

This is an excellent letter of recommendation! I have just a few editing suggestions:

I can vouch that he is one of the most brilliant and conscientious students that I have encountered in my entire career.

not only the text covering the syllabus but other books and general materials [or sources] related to the topics.

Ciprian volunteered, as he was already in charge of the Direction of Discipline and Security

Ciprian was the only boy who joined the six-person group. Even though it was his first year in this kind of activity, this did not stop him and his group from going above their teacher's expectations and winning first place in his county.

Ciprian is also very popular among his colleagues as he has always tried to help them in every aspect that he was able to.

The sound work ethic and the ability to handle the work under pressure are only a few of his strengths.

intellectual ability and enthusiasm for learning are qualities that should serve him well in his future endeavors.

I'm sure this will help your student a great deal!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Admission essay - Master of Science Programme in Tourism and Hospitality [4]

Just let me know if I can help again!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Help Starting a Global Warming - Argumentative Research Paper; focus on human responsibility [9]

Greetings!

While I haven't done an in-depth study on the effects of global warming on human health, I can give you some ideas to get you headed in the right direction. One change we are already seeing, according to many scientists, is global warming's effect on the weather. There seem to be more hurricanes, tsunamis, floods and other types of storms within the past few years, and these definitely impact human health. Not only do they kill and injure people, but flooding can spread disease. For example, after Hurricane Katrina, the water that inundated New Orleans was toxic and very dangerous to people and animals. Storm debris can lead to injuries which can become infected with tetanus; people who must live in make-shift shelters tend to become ill more easily and disease can spread rapidly through refugee camps. Flooding can also lead to more insects, particularly mosquitoes, which can spread malaria and the West Nile virus.

There are probably many journal articles about this topic. Try browsing through your school library's online database. I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings!

I like your conclusion --it's quite good! I have just a few editing suggestions for it:

The sufficiency of protection for those whocontract with those lacking capacity must result in some imbalances. However, exceptions do exist, such as contracts for necessaries, contracts for service and benefit of employment.(delete "and etc.")

This affords minors some protection against reckless or imprudent acts, but the law balances this special protection for minors against legitimate business interests. In these respects, the law seems to be shrinking perhaps too closelyto protect minors.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Examining the poem "To An Athlete Dying Young" By A.E Housman [36]

Greetings!

You might want to say something about the purpose of the poem being to soften the blow of an early death by finding the positive aspects of it. To talk about the effect of the poem on you without using "I" is not difficult. You could say, for example, "The poem elicits feelings of hope and sorrow, a sort of poignant optimism."

This is an interesting play on words, however you can't use the adjective "gory" as a noun: "The poem allows Death to voice that he doesn't reflect gory, but glory." You could say "The poem allows Death to turn what might be seen as gory into everlasting glory."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Speeches / 'without hurting anyone' - Presentation about a person I admire [4]

Greetings!

We are happy to help with editing your essay, or to give you ideas, but it sounds like you are wanting someone to write your essay for you, and we don't do that on this site.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Essay about myself, what is unique about me and what made who I am (ideas) [18]

Greetings!

Absolutely, if your instructor did not specifically tell you not to use your own country, that would be the logical choice! I was just assuming that he or she had told you not to use your own country on the grounds that it might be too easy. But really, the question will be challenging enough even using the one you are most familiar with, because you are going to have to put a lot of thought into how to improve the country. After all, the professional politicians haven't solved all the problems (in any country!).

Best of luck in your studies.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Speeches / Another critique essay about my speech [2]

Greetings!

It sounds like you are learning a lot about giving speeches! Your essay is very good; I have just a few suggestions:

The details that I supplied were vague

I met the closing requirements by restating the central impression,

I did initiate the "touch" but my partner did not follow through, probably because of my meek appearance.

The closing met the minimal requirement, thus did not leave any lasting impression on the audience.

The organization was underdeveloped but could easily have been fixed with more details about my partner.

Good work!

Thanks

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Admission essay - Master of Science Programme in Tourism and Hospitality [4]

Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Most of the minor problems that I see have to do with dropped articles (a, an, the). Here are some editing suggestions:

He was very excited to have me back and that was handsomely reflected in the salary package.

One and a half months into the restaurant manager job and I had a surprise

"Would you like to come and work in Thailand for a couple of months or so?

as he surfaced after the wave of excitement I blew at him. - I see what you were trying for, but I don't think this metaphor really works; it conjures up a rather goofy image.

Clearly, my friend enjoyed the tropical lifestyle and work experience in that distant Asian country, and he tried his best at selling the idea to me.

A challenge to learn a big resort's operations

I signed a one year contract with the hotel,

my manager approached me directly and asked if I would consider taking the next step and furthering my expertise; the first year, in sales and marketing systems management, and the second year, it was an offer to transfer to the group sales department.

So we had a confirmed function with a symbolic western style wedding blessing ceremony in the gardens, and not long before its commencement, the Master of Ceremony informed us that he could not make it. - Perhaps the title was different where you were, but normally, this position is called the Master of Ceremonies.

After the ceremony, heartfelt thanks from friends and family of the newly wedded proved it went very well. I was Master of Ceremony on many wedding functions held at the hotel; Event Executives preferred to work with me as it saved them time and hassle to book someone from outside;

"It is not how good you are, it is how good you want to be." - Where is this quote from? If you put it in quotes, you should really attribute its source.

I now possess a strong foundation

Accept, for this time I create opportunity for myself and make the choice to put all my effort into fully developing and playing out my talents. - It is not clear to me what function the word "Accept" has in this sentence. Did you mean "Except that this time, I am creating opportunity for myself..."?

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Partner introduction speech - critique essay [2]

Greetings!

You have written a concise and ruthlessly honest critique--it's very good! Here are some editing tips:

It was certain that during his speech, I was uninterested and no longer actively listening.

As the speech progressed, the eye contact problem became less severe but was still noticeable.

His speech organization needs work, such as the elimination of unnecessary elements and the inclusion of necessary details to meet the speech requirement. His eye contact needs improving which could be done by making an outline of his speech with only phrases and not full sentences.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / "Six sigma" research paper - the thesis statement question [16]

Greetings!

I did find a couple more things you might want to correct:

As Six Sigma gained popularity, it was used in various industries. (Or you could say, "it began to be used in various industries." Just don't switch tenses in mid-sentence.)

A few of the savings by various companies are mentioned below

I can't give you specific advice about Six Sigma, as I had never heard of it before I read your paper! :-)

We cannot remove essays once they are posted. Please refer to our Disclaimer, Privacy Policy, Terms of Use, specifically #2.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / To Kill A Mockingbird, a question on TKAM and report [9]

Greetings!

You know, some of the most successful writers in the world do not write "literary" novels! :-) There are many types of writing, and many styles to enjoy; one is not necessarily superior to another (despite what "literary types" might say).

You are a very good writer! Try not to compare yourself to others whose interests might be somewhat different from yours. :-)

I think you did an excellent job of following the instructions you were given. The only thing I would suggest is perhaps a little more detail demonstrating what you mean. For example, "Oblivious to the tension building up between the mob and Atticus, Scout thought that Mr. Cunningham could not hear her, while actually Mr. Cunningham was too surprised to hear her talk." - What was Scout saying? Why was he surprised to hear her talk?

Also, here: "Very persistently, Scout tried to talk about Mr. Cunningham's son, Walter; her genuine sincerity finally worked as she received "a faint nod" from Mr. Cunningham" - You could be a little more specific here, perhaps quoting from the text.

Some editing tips:

He then realised that protecting Tom Robinson did not make Atticus a pro-black man. (Stay in the same tense throughout.)

everybody was staring at her, somebody with mouth half-opened. - This does not quite make sense. Who is the somebody? Did you mean "some with mouths half-opened"--meaning several people?

Uncertain of what they were doing, the ferociousness, the aggression and the determination were broken into pieces, from the heart of each and every member of the mob.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings!

I think you are trying to include too much detail in your conclusion; it's sounding a little confusing. Try something a little more general like "In conclusion, the general rule with regard to minors entering into contracts is that the contract is voidable at the option of the minor. However, exceptions do exist, such as contracts for necessaries ... [and go on to list the types of exceptions without going into the specifics of how they work].

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Examining the poem "To An Athlete Dying Young" By A.E Housman [36]

Greetings!

I can't write the topic sentence for you, not being familiar with the poem outside what you have written, but if you'd like to try to write it yourself, I'd be happy to help with some editing. When you're writing it, think about what effect the poem had on you; can you pinpoint the purpose of the poem, and, if so, do you feel it accomplished this purpose?

To find other poems with those themes, try doing an internet search with terms like "death youth poetry" or "poems youth death." I think you might have some luck with that.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / To Kill A Mockingbird, a question on TKAM and report [9]

Greetings!

It's always harder when your instructor leaves the assignment wide open. A 1000-word essay will be a little over three pages (there are about 300 words per page if you use one-inch margins and 12-point font). You might want to start with that in mind as a general guideline, but be flexible to making it longer if necessary. I doubt you could make it much shorter and do what you need to do. It sounds like your plan for the theme, evidence and elaboration is a good one. I look forward to reading it!

Oh, and I'm always happy to learn about good authors I wasn't aware of! ;-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on describing traffic jam [10]

It was very interesting and engaging to begin with, believe me! :-) And you're very welcome!

Sarah

Research Papers / "Six sigma" research paper - the thesis statement question [16]

Greetings!

Yes, by using your name when you sign up, you can prove that the work you posted is yours. If needed, we can assist in verifying that.

Your thesis statement should look very much like your concluding paragraph. Something like "Six Sigma is an important business method that is used to reduce defects in a process. Although there are some disadvantages to it, Six Sigma can help companies increase profits."

Some editing tips:

Try to avoid starting sentences with "And"; they often end up being just sentence fragments.

Finally, if there are 690,000 customers who are unhappy then the company is performing at One Sigma quality level.

According to research studies, if the customers are unhappy with the service or the product provided they do not just keep quiet and do nothing about it.

The evidence suggest that thirty-one percent of customers who have problems with the service would not register any complaints as it is too much trouble or they feel that nobody cares about their problem. And of that 31 percent only nine percent might do business again with the company (Pande, 2001).

16,000 pieces of mail would be lost every hour

They also decide on the suitable techniques to prove the hypothesis.

In most companies, Master Black Belt refers to the people who mentor or coach

While there are many advantages, there are also a few disadvantages that needs to be considered.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings!

Your essay is filling out very nicely! I do want to caution you about quoting from sources. If you use words directly from another source, you need to put the phrase in quotation marks and give a citation.

For your conclusion, you need to give a summary of what you have written. Try to state in three sentences or so what the law with regard to minors' contracts is, i.e., that they are voidable at the option of the minor, but that there exceptions for necessaries, etc.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on work offshoring - feedback welcome [2]

Greetings!

You have written a good essay with some excellent information. Here are some editing tips for you:

Mitigations against employee stress in offshore sites are also suggested.

The same principles can be applied to the service sector.

In the service sector in particular, skills are scarce and labour costs are a much higher proportion of total cost than in manufacturing.

Task decomposition is used as a basis for export of services to low wage offshore sites. Digitisation induces workflows to be organised in the direction of dividing workflow into tasks that are separable in term of technical skills and interactivity; certain portions of the activity that require low levels of face-to-face interactivity could be relocated offshore.

This resembles the Taylorism scientific management activities that tasks took place in factories in the 19th century.

In conclusion, there is an increasing tendency to relocate low skilled work offshore across various industries. Such a phenomenon exhibits characteristics of scientific management - low cost labour, economies of scale, and standardised outputs. The stressful working conditions associated with scientific management inevitably affect the offshore sites; however such stress can be managed through a number of effective types of mitigation.

Excellent work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Essay about myself, what is unique about me and what made who I am (ideas) [18]

Greetings!

Oh, my, that's an interesting question! My first thought is, you will have to choose a country with which you are a little familiar. Otherwise, you won't have any idea what its problems are, and how to improve them. Perhaps there is a country (besides your own) which you have heard about on the news as having some serious problems? I know that Myanmar and Pakistan have both had some internal strife lately that's been the subject of many news stories. And most people have some sort of opinion about the United States, good or bad!

Another option would be to use humor in your essay (unless your instructor has said not to, or would not like it). I'm thinking of something satirical, like saying that the U.S. could be greatly improved by exporting all its politicians to Antarctica, and giving away its wealth to people who would appreciate it more. ;-)

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on disadvantages of newspaper [2]

Greetings!

While we don't write essays for students on this site, we are happy to help you get started by giving you some ideas. :-) If I understand the assignment correctly, you are to write about how there are disadvantages to getting one's news stories from newspapers, as opposed to the internet or television, is that correct? If so, one obvious disadvantage is the time lag. Newspapers are always several hours behind the times of the events they are informing us about, because of the time it takes to print and distribute the paper itself. Of course, most major papers now have the option of reading them online, by subscription, which helps keep them more current. As with any media, there is also the possibility of bias creeping into the stories, too. That applies to all types of information which is distributed to the public, of course.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / To Kill A Mockingbird, a question on TKAM and report [9]

Greetings!

I think your ideas are excellent! You are more than welcome to use my question, if you like. :-) I think it would be possible to relate it to all three of your themes. Children will have a very different viewpoint of racism than adults; perhaps a simplistic one, or perhaps one of incomprehension. (It has been some years since I read the book, so I'm not sure exactly how the author described Scout's perception of it.) Scout learned some important and difficult lessons about justice throughout the story. Growing up is difficult enough without having to grapple with these issues, and they leave a lasting impression.

You're off to a good start! I'll be happy to help you with editing as you go along, if you like. It would probably be best just to post it in smaller sections at a time.

I am not familiar with the works of Jodi Picoult ... I'll have to check them out! :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on describing traffic jam [10]

Greetings!

You've added some excellent description! It really draws the reader into your story--I can almost smell the fumes myself! :-)

It's very good as is, but here are some minor suggestions to make it even better:

To her left, in the silver Mercedes, there was a woman in a fur coat, her head resting on her hand. Ashley turned around and glanced down the hill, where another group of cars had just joined the queue. Behind her was a cheap, red Toyota, its driver in a denim jacket, smoking cigarettes.

The air was cold and redolent with the scent of gas, making her light-headed. Her eyes on the line of vehicles, Ashley's hand groped for the door of her car.

Excellent work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings!

For the second paragraph, you need to, again, be aware of the grammar problems. I made some changes here:

Contracts for the minor's benefit include contracts of apprenticeship and education. As with 'necessaries', the court will take all the circumstances into account in deciding whether a contract is for the minor's benefit. The issue will be looked at as a whole, in the light of the circumstances when it was made.

And here: On the contrary, a minor cannot be bound if the contract is on the whole harsh or oppressive and it is illustrated in the case of De Francesco v Barnum (1890). A girl was apprenticed for stage dancing by a contract which provided that she should be entirely at the disposal of her master, and that she would only be paid if he actually employed her, which he was not bound to do.

Therefore, it was held that P could not sue D in the tort of inducing a breach of contract since, as the contract was unreasonably harsh, it was valid. - I think you meant "invalid" but the actual legal term would likely be "unenforceable."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings!

As for your first paragraph, the first sentence is extremely hard to follow. First of all, the quote is just a fragment; you need to tie it in grammatically. Also, try reading this out loud and I think you'll see it has a few problems.

According to Abbot et al (2002), 'Goods suitable to the condition in life of the minor and to his actual requirements at the time of sale and delivery' If the goods are deemed necessaries which include food, clothing, shelter and etc, the minor compelled to pay a reasonable price which will usually, but not necessarily, be the contract price depends on the minor's income which goes with his condition in life and the supply of goods which the minor already has. - There is some very good information in this paragraph, but it gets lost in the overly long, ungrammatical sentence structure.

Here you have a typo: during the period of October 2902 to June 1903.

The courts of Appeal held that the plaintiff's claim failed because he had not established that the goods supplied were necessaries. - "Necessaries" is a legal term; it's not quite the same as saying "the goods were necessary."

This is due to the burden of proving that the goods are necessaries lies on the seller and a minor is not liable if he has adequate supply, even the supplier did not know this. - There are several grammatical errors in this sentence. Better would be "The burden of proof lies with the seller to show that the goods were necessaries. The minor is not liable if he has an adequate supply, even if the supplier did not know this."

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings!

I think your essay is coming along well! Here are some suggestions:

According to Keenan & Sarah (1995), there are two types of contract which will bind a minor. The compromise between these principles results in the rule that certain contracts with minors can be enforced as valid contracts, such as contracts for necessaries and beneficial contracts of service; others are void or voidable, and in some cases the minor may be liable in tort or in equity.

According to Richards (1992), which despite the petulant view of youth, the aim of the law here is to protect rather than restrict, and this includes not merely protecting minors from entering into unfair contracts, but also protecting adults in their dealing with minors, provided they act in a fair and reasonable manner. - Is this a quote? If so, put it in quotation marks. Try to shorten your sentences a bit so that the reader does not get lost along the way.

You're off to a good start!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Is there any error in this phrase? [8]

Greetings!

I think that's a very impressive-sounding objective! It has the benefit of showing that you have given a great deal of thought about how to mesh your background with the degree you are seeking, and then using all the best elements of both to really target the area where your talents will be of the greatest use. I'm not sure where you're applying, but in the U.S. we would normally say "an electronics company" with an "s" on "electronics"; however, you might know more about this than I. :-)

Best of luck in your future endeavors!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / To Kill A Mockingbird, a question on TKAM and report [9]

Greetings!

There is much to like and admire about this novel! If you can come up with any question at all about the book, that's a rather broad assignment, and broad ones are often more difficult than narrow ones, ironically. :-) Here are some thoughts:

How would the relationship between Scout and Atticus have been different if Scout were a teenager? How does the fact that the narrator is a child impact on the racial issues in the story? Does "the South" itself take on the nature of a character in the novel?

The best advice I can give you is to read the book, all the way through, if you haven't done so yet. You might find parts of it more compelling than you expected.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on describing traffic jam [10]

Greetings!

I understand what you are saying about "glazing" but that is not a proper use of the word in that context. You would need to say "her eyes glazing over as she looked through the car window." Gazing is more neutral, it's true; she could be gazing in any number of ways. However, it fits here and "glazing" does not. To be "glazing" means to be applying glaze to something. ;=)

To expand on the traffic jam, just use more of your excellent description, as you did with "a long ribbon of taillights flashing red and white." You could go on to describe the cars in more detail, their colors, their smells, the noises they made, and so forth. Picture in your mind's eye what the traffic jam would look, smell, sound, feel and even taste like, then add in some of that description; paint a picture of it with your words.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Examining the poem "To An Athlete Dying Young" By A.E Housman [36]

Greetings!

Yes, I think your paragraphs do an excellent job with the required elements. You still need to change this one sentence:

In contrast with the novel "The Great Gatsby", written by F. Scott Fitzgerald, "To An Athlete Dying Young", has a similar subject matter to the novel. - Is it in contrast, or is it similar? It can't be both simultaneously.

A theme is the general idea of a story, which contains a message. Although closely connected to the purpose, they are not exactly the same thing. The theme might be youth, or death, whereas the purpose might be to make people think about how they want to be remembered.

Point of view means in whose eyes, or from whose viewpoint, is the story being told? It might be the speaker/narrator, but there might not be a speaker or narrator. If I am writing a story about Susan and Jim, and I want it to be written from Susan's point of view, I might say "Susan watched Jim's face closely, but could not tell what he was thinking." If I were writing from Jim's point of view, I might say, "Jim was trying hard to control his features so that Susan would not know he was angry." If I wrote in an omniscient point of view, I might say "Susan and Jim stood looking at each other, neither one having a clue how the other one felt."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / The Great Gatsby - help with my grammar and essay organization [21]

Greetings!

Your hard work is almost finished, then, great!

1) New York city is also two-dimensional. It embodies glamour, but it too possesses corruption. Similarly, Louisville contains contrasting characteristics: it is romantic, because it is where Gatsby first met Daisy, yet it is corrupted, since Louisville imprisons Gatsby's dreams.

2) I would add one word, which will show the flip side of Tom's love: Yet, the use of the word "conspiring" carries with it an implication of wrongdoing, which hangs over Tom and Daisy, even in their moment of shared emotion.

3) It just needs a llittle tweaking: Places, such as the West Egg and the East, also demonstrate a dual concept. Along with New York and Louisville they encompass glamour and romance, but encompass its opposite, corruption, as well.

4) Yes, I think you did a fantastic job of linking them together!

I'm so glad I could help! Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Entrepreneurial to a professionally managed organisation - problems [3]

Greetings!

Here are some editing tips for your excellent essay:

The introduction of professional management systems brings efficient procedures but also removes employees' scope for discretion.

The transition is often associated with change in the company's culture.

often find themselves restrained by the bureaucratic organisational structure in professional management systems.

There are various differences between entrepreneurial and managerial approaches which give rise to [delete the] human resource issues during transition.

whereas professional management set goals, authorise budgets and make detailed plans to capture value and preserve/enlarge assets.

Firstly, management should recognise patterns in the company's phases of growth to enable them to be responsive to any upcoming issues.

Management should allow a transition period for employees to adapt to the professional operating procedures and educate staff to the benefits of adopting an efficient management system.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Difficulty to gain acceptance of innovations in companies- innovation essay [3]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to give you some editing suggestions on your very fine essay!

Established organisations are often known for their bureaucratic structure and administration processes.

the pattern of work has long been established in these firms that the employees have adapted to a set way of proceeding and often are less likely to seek alternative means.

A shared vision should be cultivated within the team to ensure all members concentrate their efforts on achieving a common goal that deeply matters to them.

Moreover, they should provide timely and appropriate supervisory encouragement to individuals as well as the team s a whole to maintain high levels of commitment.

good leadership and a functioning team are often the first to be considered in many business cases.

Excellent work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Tale - Part 2 (jobeless in a foreign land) [13]

Greetings!

And, voila! another example of Eastern thought being in divergence with Western thought. I could be wrong, but I think that to a majority of Americans, there might be a slight negative connotation to saying that someone was "preoccupied" with spirituality--although "occupied" might be all right. ;-) (I'm not necessarily including myself in that group, you understand, just making a broad generalization about the priorities of our capitalistic system.)

Thanks for explaining the statement more clearly. I do think that you need to be careful about sentences ending in phrases such as "was not herself that" because it can be unclear what is meant by "that."

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / The Great Gatsby - help with my grammar and essay organization [21]

Greetings!

How about "The wealthy socialites in The Great Gatsby can be seen in two different lights - one positive and luminous, and one negative and dark."

I like what you are saying in this last statement, but the grammar needs a bit of help:
The Great Gatsby ultimately portrays Daisy as being graceful, yet it was she who lived for riches, while Gatsby lived for enduring love. Fitzgerald clearly established that in choosing wealth over love, all chance at real happiness will be lost.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Is there any error in this phrase? [8]

Greetings!

Yes, there are a couple of problems with it, but they are minor. :-) First of all, don't forget that most nouns in English require an article, so you would say "To obtain an MBA..." (or, if you were writing out Masters of Business Administration, you would say "To obtain a Masters..."). Secondly, the sentence is actually a fragment. If you are merely answering a question like "Why do you want to attend this school?" and you are to write only a sentence as a direct answer, then it might be fine. However, if this is part of an essay, you need to make it a whole sentence, such as "My purpose in attending [name of school] is to obtain an MBA as a starting point..." (the rest of the sentence is fine)

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Any suggestion about explaining this statement? [4]

Greetings!

In that case, the statement does not really make grammatical sense. If you would like to give me the context of the statement, i.e., where it came from, I might be able to give you further guidance. Also, are you sure that "every thing" is supposed to be two words? That can change the meaning just slightly.

If you can give me some more information about where the statement came from and what class this is for or why you are to define it, I can perhaps give you more assistance.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings, Christopher!

I'd be happy to give you some editing tips.

According to Richards (1992), [delete "he stated that"] despite the petulant view of youth, the aim of the law here is to protect rather than restrict, and this includes not merely protecting minors from entering into unfair contracts, but also protecting adults in their dealing with minors, provided they act in a fair and reasonable manner. It can be supported by the statement of Smith and Keenan (1997) which is that a contract in which one or both of the parties lack capacity is voidable by the legally incapacitated party and the capacity of minors who enter a contract is void if a party is adjudicated to be mentally incompetent or so impaired that he could not manifest asset.

Therefore, the consequence of minors' contracts are regarded as binding or voidable which depends on the circumstances. - I'm not sure this sentence follows logically the rule which you just stated. More accurate would be "Therefore, minors' contracts can be void or voidable, depending on the circumstances." Of course, the contracts can also be binding (for example, contracts for necessaries) but the quote you used and from which "Therefore" follows did not include contracts which are neither void nor voidable.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How does the law deal with minors who enter into a contract? [20]

Greetings, Samuel!

Yes, minors fall into the category of capacity to contract. Minors have the capacity to enter into contracts, but their contracts are, in general, voidable. You should definitely include discussion of the issues surrounding necessaries, the tortious liability of minors and restitution, unless you have been instructed not to, or have a very limited word count. One thing that the law can be counted on is to provide an exception to virtually every rule, so you should always include exceptions and other circumstances which might change the outcome!

I'm afraid I did not really understand your Question #3. Can you explain what you meant?

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Examining the poem "To An Athlete Dying Young" By A.E Housman [36]

Greetings!

You might try something like this:
By intertwining the themes of youth and death, the author explores the fleeting nature of life and the cruel irony of death's ability to take life while giving back eternal glory.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com