Writing Feedback / To what extent do you agree that letter writing is disappearing? IELTS 2. [4]

Due to the use of the computers and mobile phones, letter writing is disappearing. To what extent do you agree?

the disappearance of letter-writing

In modern world, letter-writing is now replaced by the computers and cellular phone. I strong agree that writing thru letters is not popular nowadays. The birth of advanced technology made the old-fashion way to communicate cease to exist.

Decades ago, writing letters used to be the only way to talk to your family or friends who live far away. Computers or mobile phones were not invented at that time. People write and send letters to reach out to their loved ones, but now, because technology keeps advancing, the easiest way to contact others is thru cellphones or computers. As a result, almost one out of ten people write letters to send messages. Most of them are probably living in a third world country such as India, where technology is not as advanced as the other countries.

Personally, when I was in my early teenage years, I used to write letters to my cousins and friends to know how they were doing. However, when I reached fourteen, my father bought me a cellphone as a gift, and at that time, Nokia was the popular brand. Since then, I started using my phone to almost everything, but most of all, to send messages or talk to my friends and family. Because of that, I could not even remember the last time I wrote a letter to someone. Nevertheless, computers and mobile phones made communication easier and faster.

With the disappearance of letter-writing, the use of technology, mainly laptops and cellular phones, is more embraced by the society. For that reason, less and less people use their hands and pens to write, but rather, type or swipe to talk to people from all over the world. Therefore, today's modern world is starting to lose it's old touch of doing manual love letters or invitations.

This is my second essay with a four paragraph format. I am not sure if I can use this format but 5 would be hard to make. I hope someone can correct my mistakes and grade, if possible.

I made this essay right after my first post here. So you might notice that I may have the same mistake from my first essay.

Thank you in advance for the criticisms. Feel free to be direct.

Writing Feedback / Multiple short school-free days or one long vacation for children? [3]

Writing IELTS task 2

more shorter or one longer - which vacations suit children better?

Some people believe school children should be given multiple short vacations, while other believe they should get one long vacation. Give the advantages of both and express your own point of view.

There is a debate with regards to vacation of children, whether to have multiple short school-free days or one long vacation. Short vacation can help children to rest and relax in between studying while a long vacation may help students to have a big break from school and go back with new perspectives and renewed desire to be in school again. In my opinion, I think short vacations for a few times are better for children because they have something to look forward to after studying hard and enough days to enjoy the outside world of school.

Some schools offer a long vacation only for one time. Others believe that this can help the students focus more on studying than taking a break. Children will be able to learn if they have longer days in school and their single vacation is their time for themselves to be free from staying in school on a longer basis. For instance, students who will be away from their classrooms will discover things that cannot be learned from school. With that, children can also gain knowledge thru experiences.

However, some people argue that multiple short breaks from school have more advantages. One of which is children will have something to be excited about when their class ends. When they have vacations for a few days, it can refreshen the children's minds from all the studying that they have done. A lot of schools give multiple vacations to their students because they want to give them a break from studying. As a result, students after their vacations have rested and ready for a new batch of learning.

Personally, I believe that being away from school in a short period but multiple times has more positive effects on children. They can gain knowledge in school and also out of it, that can mold them as a better person in the future. It can also help them to enjoy their youth and learn at the same time. I think getting few school-free short days will make the students appreciate their school time more because being away from it can make them miss their classmates, teachers or even school activities. As an example, I used to look forward to see my friends in school after taking a short vacation with my family because it made me want to share what I did to them, which helped me to gain interpersonal relationships with my classmates.

In conclusion, both practices can be beneficial to children. The outcome, whether they have shorter or longer vacations, is the same, students will be able to take a break from the hustle and bustle of school festivities.

I would like someone to grade this essay. To be honest, this topic was difficult for me, but since I know I can't pick my question to the actual ielts examination, I gave it a try.

This is my first post here, by the way.
I would also like to know if I approached the question right? Did I use the right format?
I know my essay is too long(especially the intro), i guess i got stuck on 'i should have 5 sentences in every body paragraph'.
I think I was redundant as well but I just couldn't think of any ideas when I made this essay, if possible, can you suggest what should I shorten or give more emphasis?

Correcting my grammar is highly appreciated too.
Thanks in advance.