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The way of communication between people has been changed due to the modern technology; IELTS2

bimalp 1 / -  
May 24, 2018   #1
Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?
Has this become a positive or negative development?

easier to stay in touch all together

Give a reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is considered that the way of communication between people has been changed due to the modern technology. Although there are disadvantages of the modern technology, I believe that there are more benefits of this trend.

Earlier people used to wait and try to find easy way to contact their friends and relatives living far. In past there was no technology like mobile,Telephone,Computers,etc. and there was no quick technology to contact or establish any communication between one person to another person. People used to afraid to write their personal feedbacks or things to their love ones due to unsecured medium of communication. The drawback with past communication system was that it was very slow and was time taking process such as telegrams, letters, etc.

Now the things have changed around, people interact with each other to the technology. People easily communicate with their friends and relatives who are living aboard or far from their family. People feel secured to talk with their love ones due to the good means of communication. People can use facebook to chat with their friends and

and they get chance to make new friends. They can call and make video chat with their aboard friend relatives. The technology has provide the mobility faster which help people to talk or to interact of any time anywhere in the world.

People can contact their friends or relatives any time they want. It has become so easier and friendly to be in touch with our friends, relatives even with the unknown people.
jalp 13 / 34 7  
May 25, 2018   #2
Earlier people used to wait ...

Earlier people is wrong, it sounds like earlier, people .... meaning, just this morning or a few hours ago..

In THE past... please include 'the' when you talk about the past.

... to BE afraid and it should be LOVED ones...

You can also write 'one person to another' to avoid redundancy.

Those are the things I quickly noticed, you must formulate your sentences correctly and use good grammar.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,289 3984  
May 25, 2018   #3
Bimal, you have written a focused essay that speaks of only one point of view. Excellent work. That is half the battle won in your writing task. However, rather than saying "there are disadvantages: in your thesis statement, which by the way, should have been at least 3 sentences long instead of 2 (3 being the minimum sentence requirement, 5 the maximum), you should have instead used keywords from the original prompt to prove that you understand what is being discussed. The proper reference phrase would have been "While there are some negative aspects to the trend, there are more positive results coming from it." Try to figure out what keywords exist in the original prompt that you can use in your opening paraphrase and thesis statement to further improve your TA score.

Pay particular attention to the way that you write the words. Do not capitalize words that are not proper nouns such as telephone and computers. Do not use non-academic terms for "and so on and so forth" such as "etc." because that removes the academic tone and shows a disrespect for the reader. In addition to that, make sure you leave time to edit your work.

Redundancies such as "and and" in your current presentation also prove to be mistakes that will cost you in the final scoring. Your GRA score will definitely be lower than passing in this instance and because you did not present 5 paragraphs for the discussion, you will also be scored down in terms of the C&C section because this has a mandatory 5 paragraph presentation requirement for Task 2 essays. The 5 paragraph essay is what helps the exam taker to garner the higher scoring consideration. You also need to present a clear concluding summary otherwise you deliver an open ended essay to the examiner which, again will affect the TA score of your essay.

Overall, you have some good points but more negative points in your writing and essay development manner in this presentation. You show the potential to improve over your current work though. Just remember, it is more important to edit your presentation before you submit it. Writing more than 250 words is not as important as the quality of work you will deliver because you are scored on your ability to properly make yourself understood in English and how you use the language. More words will never equate to a high quality of writing. Only proof reading your work before submission can accomplish that task and that, is the only way to ensure a passing score in the test.

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