Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: Employment Rates of South Korea (line graph) [4]

Hi everyone! I will really appreciate if you can leave some comments on this essay based on the marking criteria of IELTS.

Can anyone please estimate the band score for this essay too? (e.g. should be above 5.5, etc)

The graph analysis task

The graph below shows the proportions of workers in three different sectors in South Korea between 1981 and 2011.

Word Count: 190

The line graph above shows the changes in South Korea's figures for 3 sectors of employment between 1981 and 2011. The units are in percentages.

Overall, it is clear that there were great shifts in the employment rates of workers in the service and agriculture sectors, meanwhile, the industrial workforce remains relatively stable. Despite the changes, workers in the service sector always dominated South Korea's total workforce.

Looking at the graph more closely, in 1981, the gaps between the 3 job sectors were minimal. The labor market's shares between service, agriculture, and industry were 39%, 33%, and 28% respectively. Between 1981 and 1991, small upward growths were seen in the service and industry sectors, each increased by 5%, whereas the other declined, down to 20%.

In the next 20 years, service was the only employment sector to gain proportions. It surged dramatically and reached almost 70% of the total workforce in 2011. In contrast, the portion of agricultural workers plummeted rapidly and hit 7% by the end of the period. After 1991, the industry sector went through a downward trend and back near to its original starting point of 26%.

• 
  IMG_3187minmin.JPG
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS W. TASK 1: Proportion of vehicle registration in US between 1970-2010. [3]

Hi everyone, I wrote this paragraph for IELTS Writing Task 1. I really appreciate any help/comment!

The graph below shoes changes in the share of vehicle registration of the three most common types of commercial vehicles in the US between 1970 and 2010.

----
Word Count: 150
----
The line graph reports the ratio of the means of transportation in the United States between 1970 and 2010. Overall, trucks occupied the majority of the transportation registration, followed by taxis, then buses. In 1970, almost 50% of the vehicle registered were trucks, while 25% were taxis, and buses took up above 5%. In 1980, however, taxis rose to the highest proportion since the number of trucks steeply declined; buses also had an increase and met its peak. From 1980 onwards, the number of trucks gradually increased, in contrast, were buses. Taxis had its trough in the year 2000 but soon rose strongly afterward. By 2010, compared to the starting points, taxis were the only mean of transportation that gained popularity in vehicle registration in the United States, while the other two both declined. In particular, the new proportions of trucks, taxis, and buses were 45%, 35%, and 3% respectively.

• 
  Vehicle.jpg