Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by coeurreign
Joined: Nov 24, 2010
Last Post: Dec 20, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 45  
From: Canada

Displayed posts: 47 / page 2 of 2
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
coeurreign   
Dec 2, 2010
Undergraduate / Gay Rights and Why I want to attend- Vesalius College [12]

Thank you angelusfanatic for your comments. They really helped me and I think the first essay is great and all I need to do now is show it to my teacher, who will perfect it.

Anyone have any thoughts about my second essay?
coeurreign   
Dec 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Gay Rights and Why I want to attend- Vesalius College [12]

Thank you, student123.

The one thing I'm really unsure about in the first prompt is my religion argument. I don't know if I should take that out because religion is a touchy subject and I don't want to offend anyone. On the other hand, it is one of the biggest fueling points against gay rights.

The other thing I'm unsure about is my entire second answer. It seems a bit too pedestrian for me and not written on a collegiate level. Any thoughts?
coeurreign   
Dec 1, 2010
Undergraduate / "From the Philippines to Texas to New Mexico: I stayed in Taos" UNC-Chapel Hill Essay [9]

A Chinese proverb states that "a child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark." Yet my parents' mark was not really a mark. They were always too busy and moved often, leaving me alone with friends and family.; they would be moving again to Santa Fe.

I agree with you that the last sentence sounds like it doesn't belong there. I don't necessarily think that admissions people need to know where they moved as this essay is about you and they can easily check your app for their address. I think it's more important to bring some flow to your essay by slightly revealing that your friends and family have made the most impact on you. Good luck and I hope I helped!
coeurreign   
Dec 1, 2010
Scholarship / "support from the community" - Short Leadership Essay - UT [3]

Hi,
I like your scholarship essay. It's good for it's length. A couple of things though, the intro was good, but when there are character maximum, I would suggest taking out a few statements. Maybe just do one or two sentences/questions. "it was time to give back to those we took from", it kind of sounds awkward like you stole from them. I would suggest changing it to "it was time to give back to those who supported us/helped us." Good luck and I hope I helped.
coeurreign   
Dec 1, 2010
Undergraduate / Gay Rights and Why I want to attend- Vesalius College [12]

Write in your own words a one-page essay on an issue of local, national, international or personal interest that is important to you. (GAY RIGHTS IN HIGH SCHOOL)

THERE'S NOTHING GAY ABOUT INJUSTICE
While there are many issues that are important, there is one that stands above the rest: gay rights in high school. There have been a number of reports coming to the forefront of the nation of teens committing suicide. The one thing they all have in common? Every one of the suicides happens to gay teens who can't take any more bullying or discrimination at their school. In fact, an estimated 6 million gay people every year commit suicide and that's the number just in recent times. That number doesn't even include the many others that have faced the same discrimination in the past centuries. Some have called it the "silent holocaust" that means that in four years more people have been killed for gay rights than both the world wars combined. The issue of gay rights have been debated and argued about for years, most notably starting in the 1960's with the sexual liberation movement. To me, gay rights shouldn't be an issue at all. In a society where everyone has rights and freedoms, for people to be bullied for being who they are doesn't reflect the changes in our modern times.

Having an openly gay best friend has made this topic very personal. "That's so gay" or "faggot" are used in everyday conversations between teens, teens that don't have a problem with gay people. Yet, they continue to use this kind of language, more often as an insult. By using those terms in an insulting manner is comparing being gay as being bad or wrong. Now, most teens don't mean it that way however it still doesn't change the fact that they use it as an insult. No one would dare use the N-word or say "that's so black", so why should people be allowed to associate being gay as insulting? Most people against homosexuality say that it's not right, that it's not normal. What exactly is normal? Who says what's normal and what isn't? To me, being normal means being ordinary and what's more ordinary than loving someone for who they are.

There's also the time aged argument of religion vs. homosexuality. In most religions, homosexuality is looked as at a sin, most notably in the Christian faith where naysayers say that homosexuals will go to hell. The Bible says that a lot of things are wrong such as touching the skin of a dead pig (Lev. 11:7-8), eating shellfish (Lev. 11:10), wearing garments made out of two fabrics (Lev. 19:19), women wearing pants (Deuteronomy 22:5), etc. There are a lot of sins, but there is only one unforgivable sin and that's rejecting Jesus' salvation and the Holy Spirit. Therefore, a person can be homosexual, yet they can still go to heaven because the "sin" of homosexuality can be forgiven. Nothing in the Ten Commandments say anything about homosexuality and those are the worst sins. Therefore, religion cannot be used as an excuse to discriminate against homosexuality.

As most of us can remember, high school was hard enough to face even without being deemed 'abnormal". Although gay teens in modern times are more readily "coming out of the closet", so to speak, there are those who still have a hard time. Teens today have the advantage of most of the society accepting them for who they are, there are still those who continue to have problems with people being themselves. There's nothing wrong or immoral about homosexuality. The only thing wrong is how close minded some people are to those who deviate from the norm.

Using the space below, please tell us about your goals. Why do you want to attend Vesalius College? Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

Growing up, I knew what I wanted to be a journalist. Like most children, when time passed I realized that my first job choice, wasn't the best one. I kept hopping from one career to the next because it seemed that everyone wanted to know what I wanted to be when I grew up. That frustrated me as I felt like they wanted me to have my whole life planned out and at that age I was only interested in colouring and playing tag. It wasn't until I grew older, that I stumbled across a magazine that featured women at work. I read it, thinking it would be interesting. It didn't occur to me at the time that I would find my perfect job. The job included my goals of learning a new language, travelling to different countries, and helping various people. It seemed ridiculous that I would find a job that was so utterly perfect that if I was hired, my goals since childhood would be completed. That job is a Foreign Service Officer. I began searching for more information, all led to schools offering International Relations as a major. Like my dream job, I stumbled across Vesalius College quite randomly. I read about it on the website and began to grow excited about the prospect of attending. The small class sizes, the international student body, and the location are the reasons why I'm interested in Vesalius. Since Brussels is the heart of Europe and the epicentre for European politics, there isn't a better location for the school to be located. I would be able to speak with people who are involved in international issues and actually have a say. There are numerous internships available that would enable me to gain valuable real world experience. All my life I've lived in a bubble that has been filled with the same people since childhood. To study in a different country for my post-secondary education would break my bubble. It would introduce to a whole new world that I wouldn't be able to imagine. It would make me have to grow up and mature into the person I aspire to be. In ten years I would have my college degree in hand and be employed by the Canadian government as a Foreign Service Officer. I would be in location in a new country, discussing policy changes to social welfare issues and speaking with NGO's on ways to bring attention to their cause. I would be involved with many of the major decision making processes of the country and Canada. I would be strengthening ties between Canada and other countries. Most importantly, I would be making a difference.

Thank you for your help!
coeurreign   
Nov 24, 2010
Undergraduate / Sugar and spice and everything nice. (my world) [7]

Hi,
Personally, I like your introduction. Think of the reader's point of view. I mean, reading essay after essay, things tend to get a bit trite and repetitive. Do you have a maximum word count because the essay's a bit too short. Plus you're all over the place. I get the need to talk about your parents and how they've guided you to where you are, but you're giving a lot of reasons and not enough examples. Do you get what I mean? Like try to pick one or two qualities that they've taught you and expand on them. Otherwise, I find the essay as a whole a bit pedestrian. Another note, the essay seems to be filled with a lot of "I" "you" "me". Try to use less personal pronouns. On another note, then essay did answer the prompt, so just worry about expanding and explaining and you should be fine. I hope I helped!
coeurreign   
Nov 24, 2010
Essays / "pressures to be in a relationship" / "gay rights in high school" College Essay Ideas [2]

Hi,
This is my first time actually posting on this site, however I have stumbled across this site whenever I find myself stressing about college. Anyways, I was hoping to get some feedback on some of the ideas I have about my prompt:

Write in your own words a one-page essay (approximately 300 words) on an issue of local, national, international or personal interest that is important to you.

Idea 1: pressures to be in a relationship- All my friends have their steady boyfriends, yet I'm the odd one out because I prefer to have casual relationships with guys. Why is it important for girls my age (high school girls) to be in a steady relationship? Whatever happened to being independent and not relying on a guy to make you happy?

Idea 2: gay rights in high school- My best friend is gay. We hear about how much civilization has changed and how people are free to be whoever they are. Then why is it that homosexuals still face discrimination in school today? Why is there numerous accounts of gay boys committing suicide because the bullying is too much? Why is it that it's acceptable to be like "that's so gay" or using the F-word as an insult when people learn from a young age that saying the N-word is no longer tolerated? How many young lives have to be lost in order for people to change their views?

Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope to read your feedback ;p

Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳