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Posts by karan11295
Joined: Nov 25, 2011
Last Post: Dec 7, 2011
Threads: 5
Posts: 42  
From: India

Displayed posts: 47 / page 2 of 2
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karan11295   
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'education and opportunities engineering' Why interested in attending Georgia... [3]

'Keep working hard and achieve more laurels
because it is only premier education that can make you reach that beautiful goal in your life' my dad once said to me when I won the general proficiency award in kindergarden.

^Start like this, it will cut unnecessary words. Also don't use 'ever since then' because you really didn't think about your goals in kindergarten, right?

And the essay is well written but a little generic. Anyone could insert the name of another institution in place of Georgia Tech and it wouldn't make a difference. So try to include some specific things about the college in your essay. Good luck
karan11295   
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I loved looking at photographs' - FIT Essay [4]

Provide a little bit of imagery for the reader. Write something about your development from an amateur photographer to a good one and compare it to the transition of a photo from a negative in a dark room to the vivid colourful final photo.
karan11295   
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I am bewildered' - commonapp essay-My love of nature [23]

A squirrel pokes out of my pocket and whispers a word in my ear. I sit up, stunned. But before I can say something back, she disappears in a flash of stripy fur and tail. As my mind begins to comprehend the possibility of talking squirrels, its thought process is interrupted by a heavy thumping. I look down and see a battalion of marching ants. They look up and start quoting Shakespeare to accompany their footsteps. "O Romeo, Romeo" One-two One-two "wherefore art thou Romeo?" One-two One-two.

I am absolutely utterly bewildered. Why are animals speaking? Have I gone bonkers? I look around and find myself in the neighbourhood woods. How did I get here? I struggle to piece together my last memory but a little green snake shatters my concentration. He slithers around my prostate body and then settles on my belly. "How are you?" he asks me, staring unblinkingly. Not so much at my wit's end now, I manage to mouth a reply "Fine, but how the hell are you talking?" "You are unaware of a lot of mysteries of nature, foolish human" he hisses back. "Ok, let me up then" I say, confident of my lack of intellect. From the time when I was 7 and chased butterflies, I have always been amazed by the surprises nature had to offer, the camouflaged chameleons, the cocooned caterpillars, the green grasshoppers and many others. This is just another one out of her kitty, albeit quite big. My curiosity and love of nature fuelled, I get up and ask the snake "What now?" "Follow me" he replies. "Okay" I start walking behind his crawling muscular shape.

We soon reach a familiar tree. He starts climbing. So do I. Without a word, we reach the top. As I look around, my memory hits me like a splash of icy water. I last remember sitting here on my favourite branch. But before I can guess what happened afterwards, I am immersed into a cacophony of sights and sounds. The leaves start singing as the breeze ruffles through them and the animals start chattering. I catch snippets of the conversation and am impressed by the knowledge contained in them. I learn from a crow that putting the first differential of an equation equal to zero gives maxima or minima. I am retold of the fact that Aluminium Oxide is amphoteric, by a spider, a honest to god silk spinning spider.

Unbelievable. It is like an academia bursting forth up here, intent on educating me. I have climbed this tree often before, seeking solitude to think things through and have never left disappointed. It is my favourite place on the earth. Now though, I love it even more. I can learn here. Suddenly I see a flash of light. The green snake has gone. The tree has grown silent. I wake up. Was it all just a dream? I unconsciously put a hand in my pocket and take out an acorn with little squirrel bite marks on it. "No, it wasn't" I say to myself, smiling.
karan11295   
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Beep - beep - beep' - Common App - Just Give It A Little Thought [6]

Use car/pick-up or whatever you have instead of vehicle. In the 3rd paragraph although your ideas are great but tie the thinking to something a little more specific in your life.

Like what you did differently that day because of the 45 minutes of thinking. One or two general ideas+1 specific experience will look much better.
karan11295   
Nov 25, 2011
Undergraduate / "my family's first computer" - UC Prompt #1 How has your world shaped you? [6]

On the whole, great job with the essay. But you can use a little more imagery to convey your transition from games to web designing, like how Java/php (some computer jargon) shot down the soldiers of COD. Something like this, which you can think of. Good luck

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