Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Testing on animals and keeping them in unnatural conditions [5]

Please correct my essay and give me some suggestions. Apparently, it takes me about 1-2 hours to write an essay and I can't help it. I hope you could give me some advice on how to plan my essay. Thank you very much!

Testing on animals should be made illegal. Agree or disagree?

Perhaps the most serious problem facing the animals' rights today is animal experimentation. Many medical treatments have been discovered by animal testing, including cancer and HIV drugs While most scientists claim that this is vital for improving human health, I believe that primates should have the same rights as human beings.

There are several reasons why animal testing should be banned. Firstly, the costs outweigh the benefits. Every year, cosmetic companies, farms or medical schools kill millions of animals to test their products, without any beneficial result. Animal testing costs an enormous amount of money, since they must be fed, cared for and treated with drugs or experimental substances.

Secondly, animals are kept in unnatural conditions. Recent studies point out that animals are neglected and treated poorly, which influences their reactions to drugs. In March 2003, a lab technician shot a video inside a lab, which revealed primates in cages without pain medication, for instance one baboon with a metal cylinder screwed into its head. Consequently, I think that sacrificing animals is an expensive and painful activity.

There is also the argument that many ethical and genetic principles are broken when testing on animals. Many people agree that it is not only inhumane and cruel to cause pain to animals, but also misleading, since animals and people's response to a drug can be different. I personally believe that human beings have no moral right to use animals in ways that do not benefit the individual.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that testing on animals has no clear result and consequently, is should be made illegal.

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Smoking tobacco, like other dangerous drugs, should be made illegal. [4]

This is my 3rd essay and I hope you could give me some feedback, grammar corrections and an IELTS score, please. Thank you!
Smoking tobacco, like other dangerous drugs, should be made illegal. Agree or disagree?

Because of their negative effects on people's health and behaviour, many drugs like heroin, cocaine or marijuana have been made illegal. However, athough many believe smoking tobacco is a harmless habit, I think it should be also forbidden.

Firstly, it can be clearly seen that the number of teenagers who took up smoking has almost doubled. This bad habit seen in seductive advertising campaigns, at other friends or even at their own parents stirs adolescents' curiosity and interest. What is more, a lot of young people claim that they are excluded from their friends' circle due to the fact that they are not smokers. Consequently, peer pressure determines them to take up smoking. I believe that teenage is the age when youngs are still in the process of moulding themselves into what they want to be and their body and mind need a healthy environment in order to function properly.

Secondly, smoking tobacco affects the health of both smokers and non-smokers. As a recent study carried out by the English doctor N. Jefferson shows, smoking is responsible for about 30 per cent of all deaths from cancer and causes leukemia, pleumonia, heart and blood disfunctions and even memory loss. Leaving aside the philosophical question of whether anyone should breathe someone else's cigarette smoke, passive smokers are also believe to have a 30 per cent higher risk of death from heart disease and cancer.These being said, I believe that smoking represents the most important preventable cause of cancer today.

To sum up, even if tobacco stimulates the mind, body and spirit for a short period of time, in the long run, smoking is the most addicting and killing habit. By making tobacco illegal, I believe that half of human beeings would not die before the age of 35.

(300 words)

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Modern society benefits greatly from computer technology. [5]

Hi guys, this is my 2nd essay that I've written, it took me an hour to write it. I hope you can give me some advice and maybe an IELTS score. Thank you.

Modern society benefits greatly from computer technology. However, becoming more dependent on computers has its disadvantages. Discuss threats of computers.

Undoubtedly, one of the most significant innovations in recent years has been computer technology. However, a matter of considerable controversy at present is the issue whether the modern world benefits from artificial intelligence, or is rather addicted to using it.

Apart from being time-saving, computers can also do things which people could hardly do before. For instance, people can find and share information in just a few seconds, or spend their free time reading electronic books, listening to music or even connecting with people from the other corners of the world. Furthermore, many scientists agree that computer technology plays a major role in modern medicine, in the future genetic engineers could be able to find new cures for diseases like cancer, AIDS or diabets. Consequently, life-expectancy is longer than it used to be 20 years ago.

However, the greatest disadvantage of using computers in addiction. As a recent study carried out by the 'International Group of Digital Development' shows, more than 73 per cent of people around the world said that computers controlled their life, spending about 10 hours per day in front of it, and almost 30 per cent claimed that they would grow angry or impatient if they did not turn on their computers. Further explanations are given by Michael Roberts, who points out that, just like drugs, computers can have devastating effects, starting with health problems: obesity, unhealthy diet, sedentarism, eyes disease and ending with mental disorders: madness, breakdowns or suicide attempts.

To conclude, it is clear that computer technology is responsible not only for the development of genetic engineering and medical discoveries, but also for human beings' behaviour and activities. People can choose to benefit from this new technology, or be domined and sidetracked by it.