Writing Feedback / Not eveything that is learned is contained in the books [20]

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in the books"
Discuss..

This is an Ielts essay topic. I was going to write an essay about this topic, but I was kinda lost during brainstorm. There are different types of books. Fiction books(novel,...etc.), nonfiction(encyclopedia,..etc) and other type(album,..etc) If I try to define all these, then it is going to be a very long essay. I dont think that kind of detailed information is asked from students who has to write an Ielts essay about this topic. The arguments I will give all depend on the information that books include. That is why I feel the need to write all those differences in different types of book. Afterwards I was thinking to compare knowledge gained from books with knowledge gain from experience.

What do you think ?

Writing Feedback / Advertisements affects on consumer goods - ielts preparing [15]

Topic: Advertisements affects on consumer goods and real needs of the consumers..

Everyday, companies offer a huge number of different products to consumers. The most effective way to convince consumers to purchase a product is through advertising. However, it is not sufficient in itself. The product also should satisfy the needs of the consumers. In my opinion, advertising is the major reason for high sales of a product for several reasons.

We are mainly introduced to products through advertisements. Therefore, advertisers push the limits of creativity to dispose the consumers to purchase the product. When the consumers are impressed by the way a product is advertised, they can be convinced to consider that the product is a need in some cases. Recently, there is a very creative advirtesement of a soft drink product on TV. The story delivers a desired call to drink that soft drink that people tend to drink when the weather is too hot. As a result of this, the number of that product being sold will increases.

Also, the more an advertisement of a product takes place in mass media, the more popular the product becomes. Advertisement is the most effective way to create a well-known product. Consumers tend to purchase the most known product when it comes to picking one out of two different brands of the same product. When a product is commonly used, it becomes trustworthy for the society, no matter what quality it is.. However it also has to be affordable for the consumer. Considering this fact, advertisements have undeniable affects on the society about the product being advertised. They make the product preferable.

In conclusion, as I believe that consumers should consider major needs when they purchase goods, high sales are obviously a reflection of the powerful advertisements.

It is kinda short essay, giving only two arguments. I would like to hear your comments about both its content and structure.

Writing Feedback / I believe that police protection and good schools are the main factors to create an ideal community [19]

Aprt from that I also noticed that I used the term 'ideal community' alot in my essay. Is it not good ?

Writing Feedback / Ielts : working children; Good or bad? [6]

Topic: In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as a valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Depending on what age they are, it can be debated whether children should be encouraged to work or not. I believe that there must be restrictions on working children created by lawmakers depending on their age.

Admitting that working to have expereince is very important for children in the long term, it must be restricted by codes considering their age. In most countries in the world children, under the age of 11, are not allowed to do any kind of work. Between the ages of 11 and 15, they are allowed to do some kind of paid work which their mental and physical health will not be affected in the negative way. Eventually, between the ages of 15 and 18 they are allowed to do most kind of work.

Work experience and responsibility should be built on a well education in order to be successful in life. To me, parents should not allow their children to work before the age of 18. It would admittledly be difficult for children to focus on education, while they are being distracted by work. However, as an exception, they might be allowed to do work on particular fields which can assist them in their education life. As an example, children who want to specialize on a profession could be allowed to work somewhere can provide this experience to them before they attend to university as long as their education life in previous stages will not be affected in the negative way.

On the other hand, as a result of enonomic reasons, in several countries which are struggling with poverty children see it as an obligation to be engaged in some kind of paid work, no matter what age they are and what kind of work it is. This is a kind of responsibility which they should take instead of having a valuable experience to assit them in their education life. In these countries, there is a large number of children under the age of 15 doing hard work which might affect their mental and physical health.

In conclusion, as I consider the economics facts that put responsiblity on children to be engaged in some kind of paid work, I believe that this issue should be considered in the long term for their mental and physical health instead of the experience they will have and it should be restricted by the lawmakers.

This is my last essay before I take the Ielts exam. It is going to be a long day tomorrow : ). I appreciate the effort you guys make to help people like me. Thank you.