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Posts by wahyu
Name: wahyu hidayat
Joined: Feb 23, 2016
Last Post: Sep 6, 2016
Threads: 16
Posts: 28  
From: Indonesia
School: UNY

Displayed posts: 44 / page 2 of 2
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wahyu   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2, In this modern era, smoking is more than lifestyle [3]

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


In this modern era, smoking is more than lifestyle. Smoking can make not only the smoker becoming sick but also those who stay near them. I totally agree that smoking should be forbidden in public areas.

Recently, massive inhabitants think that the smoker is free to smoke in everywhere because it can guide the smoker becoming relaxed to do their daily life. For instance, when they want to go back from their job, they do smoking in waiting area near bus station. As a result is that they are feeling well after working in whole day. In short, smoking is one of human right and everyone has different way to release their stress in their daily activities.

On the other hand, some people believe that smoking lead us to the many serious diseases not only for the smoker but also people who absorb their smoke and we have to consent for forbidding it in public spots. By doing smoke can guide a person to gain many illnesses such as cancer. According to the Harvard University in 2015 released that cigarette smoking causes 87 percent of lung cancer deaths and is responsible for most cancers of the larynx, oral cavity and pharynx, esophagus, and bladder. In addition, although passive smokers are people who do not smoke, they can also obtain the same risks if they suck cigarette smoke. The results are that we have to make a rule to minimize the smoking impact to our society. To conclude, smoking is not healthy habit and it also can give serious problem to the people who stand near us.

To sum up, it is evident that some citizens two point of views about the place of smoking. Hence, I absolutely agree that smoking in public spots have to be banned since it can be dangerous to the dwellers who sit no far. Then I hope that the smoker will use the smoking area where the council has provided it.
wahyu   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS2 : the increase of using plane nowadays - need the flights be burdened with tax more? [3]

whats app Lapolo your essay is good, i have a suggestion to your body paragraph.
you could use this pattern on the 1 idea paragraph :
1. Give one idea
2. Give a reason Why this idea is true
3. Example of it / research / experience from expert
4. Say what the implications/ effects of this example
5. conclude the paragraph.

It inevitable that the flights offer numerous advantages to us it is because air travel is an optimum and fastest source of traveling overseas,which is a contributing ....................other country.

My suggestions :
Recently, it inevitable that the flights offer numerous advantages to us it is because air travel is an optimum and fastest source of traveling overseas,which is a contributing factor in globalization and promote the fraternity among the people who belongs from different culture. To illustrate, flights plays phenomenal role in upsurging the tourism industry radically consequently it helps in flourishing the economy of the nation. As a results is that such tourist bring hard currency with themselves when they visited diverse nations. In short, the aforementioned believe that flights provide immense benefits in business sectors also such as the transportation of products of a country to other nations.

I hope that my suggestions help you, correct me if i do mistakes.
wahyu   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Youth crime due to the lack of social and emotional learning from their parents as the major cause? [2]

whats app ....... your essay is good, i have a suggestion to your introduction paragraph.

you could use this pattern :
1. Bridge ( give some background to the topic to the topic using some fact)
2. Reserve some of the information, paraphrase and use some synonyms.
3. Tell the reader what will be in your essay.

As such, some experts believe that youth crime occured due to the lack of ...

My suggestions :
Character building is pivotal things for children developments. some experts believe that youth crime occurred due to the lack of social and emotional learning from their parents as the major cause. There are therefore several reasons why I absolutely disagree with that statement.
wahyu   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Violence is a hot phenomenon in the young generations in this day and age [3]

whats app Lily your essay is good, i have a suggestion to your conclusion paragraph :
you can make more than 2 sentences and
you can use this pattern :
1. restatement the question
2. opinion,
3. new idea such as hope, recommendation

To sumthis up, although parents and teachers are the main ...

my suggestion :
To sum up, it is evident that although parents and teachers are the main aspect on children development, the huge role of media to influence crime on kids are inevitable. It is imperative that the effective guidance could control and protect in order to against children's abuse. Then i hope that in the future the council can more persuasive to push the families and school to pay more attention than in this era to solve the problem.

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