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Posts by Wanderer_x
Joined: Dec 19, 2009
Last Post: Mar 5, 2010
Threads: 5
Posts: 84  

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Wanderer_x   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / COMMON APP ESSAY FOR DARTMOUTH, UPENN, NORTHWESTERN AND OTHER SCHOOLS [37]

REturning the favor :)

Well, I am confused. I could not exactly follow your essay even though I read it very slowly and carefully. Being a student of Biology, I still stumbled upon some technical words. Your essay lacks cohesion and a good singled-out idea. Its risky as it gets more philosophical. A Upenn admission officer advised us once "Dont use an abstract essay unless you are damn sure of it. MOst of the times, they just tend to confuse us and lead us nowhere. We rather like to read stories told simply. We wont have time to ponder upon a single essay trying to figure out what the writer must have meant."

Sorry. I had to honest :(
Wanderer_x   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / The store as a reflection of the world - Williams essay - looking through a window... [10]

Every Williams esssay I have read till now seems to be good, this being no exception.
You make you point clear throughout. Good Work!
Last para : "where consumerism takes center-stage while problems like poverty become increasingly pressing"...it should either be "problem like poverty" or "problems like poverty and ..."

"I ll always think back..". Make it I often think of ...Dont you think of it now?

these global issues impact the lives of those around me
Cut this part...it makes you sound as if you are trying too hard.

PS: I am also a Williams candidate...my essays are out here as well
Wanderer_x   
Dec 23, 2009
Undergraduate / "MY OWN CURIOUS CASE " Feedbacks on my admission essay... [13]

This is my first draft. So, errors are bound to happen. I want to know whether the concept clicks to the reader or not. Here, I tell a story through which I try to reflect myself. Feel free to comment on it. Suggestions and criticisms are welcomed. Also tell me the parts that I can dispose off. I dont want to make it long and boring.

My own curious case

Almost eleven years back, my mom gifted me with a table-clock. With a pink and white body and arms that fluoresced at night, the clock looked perfect. Its beauty was my source of pride and its rhythmic ticking, my inspiration. Only once in a while, when the battery would be completely used up, would it bother me. We were happy together for two years till one day it stopped breathing. I bought a fresh pair of battery but still it did not come back to life. In desperation, I asked my dad to get it fixed but he replied annoyingly,

"Can't you see I am busy? Here, take mine. I will get you a new one tomorrow."

Get a new one? I was infuriated. I decided to mend it myself. Stealing my dad's tool box, I managed to open up the clock. To my dismay, inside of it was even more complicated than a human body! I started to inspect it carefully, like a cell under a microscope. Then, I tried to forcibly move its second-hand. It still did not work. I pressed the spring of the clock just to create even more trouble. Next day, I again tried different techniques. I checked the metal plates connecting the battery and moved the oscillating wheels. Nothing worked at all. Next, I borrowed my dad's table-clock and opened it up as well. I compared its inside with that of my clock. Just like a corpse alongside a living body, they looked exactly identical, except for the sound one made and the haunting silence the other possessed. Third day, in absolute despair, I took off the wheels and all the hands from their places. I then fixed them back to their positions. Without much expectation, I still connected the battery. To my surprise, I heard an abrupt sound "Tick". Then, in a perfect rhythm, the sound started to repeat "Tick, tick, tick". My clock was working!

But something weird was happening. The second-hand was moving in the opposite direction. What had I done? After five minutes, the minute-hand shifted from six to five. I thought of dismantling the whole thing again. "But what will I do if it stops working altogether?" I put on its cover and kept it gently in its precise position on my tiny table. I thought God must have had played a trick on me. In naïve revenge, I planned to trick God instead. I took my permanent marker and marked '6' in big font above '12'. Similarly, '9' of the clock became my '3' and '3' my '9'. My darling clock looked different from its peers, yet as efficient as any other of its kind in the world.

Few months before, while I was watching "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", I saw a clock in that movie which functioned exactly like mine. While that giant clock was deliberately designed to work in the reverse direction, mine was by chance. For seven years, it had served me without ever complaining. When I think of my clock, I realize that we do not just share an emotional bond, but a huge part of our identity itself. We do not give up that easily. When my clock was not working, I did not just go out and buy another one. Instead, I tried in every way to fix it. When I succeeded, it went on to live for five more years, in reverse direction, defying its very basic rule. In a way, we look quite stubborn; determined I would say. We are not the ones who perpetually freak out. No wonder why my friends and family got more worried than I when I did not enroll in any college last year.

We two share a common take on life- things may go reverse, still we move forward.
Wanderer_x   
Dec 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "dance my worries away" - stanford supplement: letter to roommate [6]

A really interesting piece!!!

Few suggestions: "Make sure that breakables are out of sight while we are dancing"...make sure sounds like an order...Make it "We ought to make sure...or We should make sure..."

"and protect me from the predators that are the real world"...does not sound right. maybe "predators out there in the real world" would sound better.

Ending sounds a bit abrupt. What you can still add at last: "Dont worry if you hate dancing. I will make you fall in love with it!" Or "Dont worry if you hate dancing. I will dance all along without ever troubling you. Both way, we will surely have some fun together." ...

That was just my opinion.
Cheers!!

If you'd like to help me with mine:
Wanderer_x   
Dec 19, 2009
Undergraduate / 'Fresh start revelation' - Stanford's intellect engaging prompt. [5]

The best thing about your essay is its simplicity. It flows elegantly enough not to make you stumble any where.
At first, I thought you were taking the convenient route since I have read similar essays that try to be clever with the question. However, your essay takes a different approach later which I admire. The last line is really impactful and sums up your piece beautifully.

I hope your commonapp essay on trip to Laos I suppose is also well-written.

Please help me with mine...
Wanderer_x   
Dec 19, 2009
Undergraduate / Any environment that is particularly significant to you my Willliams supplement! [17]

Below is my essay. Please comment on it, whether it should work or not. Also you may edit it if you wish to. Your help will be immensely appreciated!

Imagine looking thrugh a wiindow at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you. Please limit your statement to around 300 words.

I do not need to imagine one; its already there on the left of my bed, big enough for me to see the world outside.

Right next to my home is a house where a dozen devils live, all children of course! They have become a part of my everyday life, courtesy to my dear window. Even the tiniest children out there wrestle along with older ones and shout at the top of their voices. All together, they represent chaos at its best.

Everyday after their school, they first argue on which game to play. Then, after an hour or two, with their clothes drenched in sweat and stained with mud, they disperse momentarily just to gather again after an hour. Then begins their usual chatting session, I being their permanent audience.

Unlike adults, they never lack interesting topics. And yes, they even talk about politics! A nine year old once stood up and shouted "I am the Superman. So better obey my orders!". Another boy refuted "I am Obama, more powerful than you and maybe even richer. Go back to your Krypton!". "How can you be Obama? Your live in a yellow house, not white!", interrupted someone from the group. Another then said in a pretentious manner "If you don't know anything about Obama or White House, better not discuss about it kids!".

At another time, the eldest of the girls whispered something to another girl who giggled in response. Slowly, all of the elder ones started to giggle and laugh. With my ear stuck to the window, I was trying to figure out what it was all about when I heard a boy reply in a preachy tone: "Sex is no big deal guys!"

To me, their conversations make perfect sense. They share among each other the wierdest or ideas. They giggle, laugh, shout, wrestle and all the time, grow together. A friend of mine said that I have become crazier these days. Another even called me abrupt and blunt. Maybe I should keep my random thoughts to myself. I try so, but every time I see those children live life without inhibitions, I become one of them. Maybe I have always been like them.

(Also please let me know if my essay sounds off-topic)

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