MisterWandering
May 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; In our society child's education have never been a simple task [9]
-> has never been
-> school should take the responsibility
-> It's not a complete sentence.
-> At school, those who are eager to connect with other people such as their peers and teachers will be more likely to attain a number of vital skills, for instance, communication skill and teamwork.
-> You can use "In addition" or "Furthermore" instead of "Besides that" that you did use once on the first body paragraph.
-> In addition, academic knowledge obtained from schools will establish a firm basis for children's future.
-> a significant part in children's life
-> I believe that
In our society child's education have never been a simple task
-> has never been
While, others claim school should be taken responsibility for this issue
-> school should take the responsibility
At the school, those who have more chance to connect to other people such as peers and their teachers who teach them a number of vital skills for instance: communication skill, and team work.
-> It's not a complete sentence.
-> At school, those who are eager to connect with other people such as their peers and teachers will be more likely to attain a number of vital skills, for instance, communication skill and teamwork.
Besides that, the academic knowledge is obtained from there that will help children to have stable initial steps for their future.
-> You can use "In addition" or "Furthermore" instead of "Besides that" that you did use once on the first body paragraph.
-> In addition, academic knowledge obtained from schools will establish a firm basis for children's future.
school is definitely significant part in children life.
-> a significant part in children's life
In conclusion, I am believed that
-> I believe that