It is generally believed that currently alarming traffic problems are directly linked to the high demand of commuters for daily primary tasks such as working and studying.
This is much better than what you've written first. I'm sure Pahan too would agree. However, even this sentence sounds a bit too crowded. You use too many key words unnecessarily to tell a simple idea. What is more important is clarity and flow... if they go hand in hand, your writing would be admired by the reader;Many people believe that traffic problems are directly linked to the high volumes of commuters who travel to work, schools and shopping as a part of their daily routine.
While I personally agree with the necessity of reducing the traveling needs, I believe that this is not the solely approach to
redeem the circumstancearrest the issue .
... good expresssion.... However, "redeem the circumstance" is a wrong usage. You can redeem cash, points etc. and it means that you compensate with something for the past poor performance.