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Posts by pb1013
Name: Ana
Joined: Feb 23, 2017
Last Post: Feb 23, 2017
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  
From: Belize
School: Colegio de San Juan

Displayed posts: 5
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pb1013   
Feb 23, 2017
Graduate / Persevering my dream. Self Introduction Letter for Graduate School. [5]

Hello, I am new here. I will apply for Master Degree and I would like you to share with me your thoughts about my Self-Introduction Letter.

These are the topics I must to include, and it must be 1 page long.
o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea

Thanks in advance! :)

the country that mesmerized me



My name is Ana, a graduate in Nutrition and Education majors at Colegio de San Juan. I was born in 1991 in the northern area of Belize, in a city that has embraced different cultures since its origins (Mennonite, Japanese and Chinese's descendants, Native Americans and Mormon pioneers). Since kid I was used to this fact which influenced me to be a person open to cultural diversity. My parents educated me to appraise these cultural differences, they taught me to incorporate into my life those different traits that would help me to become a better person. I always thank to my parents for their valuable time and support to me and my younger brother which helped us to develop satisfying and excellent academic performances.

During my early studies I participated in knowledge competitions and I got ranked 1st place during my Middle School entrance examination. Three years later I was accepted in the most prestigious bilingual High School of the State. It was in High School when I developed interest for health science field. This interest swayed me to register in an Emergency Medical Technician course at the Belize Red Cross where I volunteered for a year. I found that I wanted to keep learning about human body functioning but, also be able to transmit that knowledge to other people. My interest in health science as well as educational field gave me some trouble when I had to choose my major area for University. It was a difficult decision but I did not want to give up to any of them.

After some meetings and phone calls with my desired future University regarding admission and curricular regulations I found out that it was not prohibited studying both majors. Therefore, I chose to study them simultaneously. With trust in myself I prepared and applied to University to major in Education and next semester I applied again as a new student to the Nutrition Department. Gladly, I was admitted into each department with the highest score among the other students.

Eventually, for the next years I attended my Education major courses during the mornings and my Nutrition courses during the afternoons from Monday to Saturday. I tried to spend quality time in both majors and participate in extracurricular activities as much as my tight schedule allowed me. During my undergraduate first 2 years I registered in a French language class as extracurricular activity. After that, I joined a research project with the intention to get closer with the investigation area. My tasks involved work at the chemical sciences and food laboratories to develop a new food with functional ingredients related to chronic metabolisms diseases. Our project was presented in several contests, forums and even one national congress. We were awarded with 1st Place among more than 80 participating projects at this congress. On 2016, during one semester I did my professional training at a community center. My tasks were performing nutritional assessments and elaborating meal plans for citizens who wished to acquire healthier lifestyle habits and to patients referred by the medical department, specially dyslipidemic, hypertensive or during pregnancy. My experiences after the professional training and research project helped me to realize how important is to investigate and divulge any knowledge you achieve to help improve people's health. Due to the chronic metabolic diseases' high incidence in most of the countries I choose it as my research topic. I focused in diabetes disease because is the leading cause of death in Belize and sadly I was not able to meet my grandfather for longer than 5 years old because of this reason. My hopes are not only to learn but also apply that knowledge in benefit of the society wishing people can expand their quality life time.

I knew about KGSP after my stay in Seoul as exchange student. The limited options my home university gave me to study in Korea took me to apply through my Education major. Thanks to that I was able to learn in a deeper way about the high quality of the Korean educational system. After my first exchange semester I was captivated by the tenacious and hard working Korean society. I think that was when I started to understand a little bit what the books referred as "한강의 기적". I applied for an extension to my studies in Korea in order to immerse myself in the culture and language because all my courses were taught in English. Definitely, I consider language as the main gate to get closer and empathize with a different culture; that is what makes KGSP special. Unlike other programs KGSP not only allow you to study in your academic field but, it also gives its scholars the opportunity to approach to Korean language and to the different metropolitan and local Korean culture.

Before I came back home from my exchange stay and having all this in mind, I set myself one new goal. As soon as I get my Bachelor Degrees I will apply to KGSP to go back to the country that mesmerized me before. Besides this, one part of the Korean essence as it is its healthy and delicious gastronomy contributes significantly to my academic field knowledge. My objective this time is to pursue a high graduate quality education and to strength the integral learning that provides the cultural differences.

There is an anonymous quote that has marked me: "If we do not set goals we will call a success to whatever we do". I truly believe success is the result of perseverance in our dreams and each person has the power to make her/his goals a reality. Today, I am persevering my dream and I can promise I will focus all my mind, will and heart to successfully achieve my study goals if you consider my petition. I appreciate reader's attention spent on this letter. Ü
pb1013   
Feb 23, 2017
Graduate / 350 words|Personal Statement for MS in Entrepreneurship and Innovation of USC [3]

Hello Honghao Li :)
About your essay...
1.The first two paragraph are not too long in my opinion, because you must to express well what you have doing during your previous education. I just would like to suggest you two things: try to add an introductory phrase in your first paragraph because your paragraph begin too directly to the point so I would add a sentence at the beginning to make your entrance smoother. And the second one, is to put together pragraph 1 and 2, both of them talk about you academic bg. So this way your actual 3 paragraph (2 paragraph if you put together the other ones) will look more strong when people read it.

2.You sentence is not ambiguous in my opinion, but this part"I have to gain..." sounds like if you are forced to do it. I would like to suggest you another word to substitute "have". Maybe if use words like: I am willing to... because...., or I would like to..., or I always have been looking for... you might show your passion for it in a better way :)

3. I know 400 words is very limited length but I would recommend you extend a little bit your ending sentence. For example you might say how you will be that "asset" at Marshall School of Business. If you can say this in one more sentence (maximum) will be great!

I hope i answered your questions.
Wish you can be accepted :)

pb1013   
Feb 23, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS - the grievance note about the noise from your flat [3]

Hello Jaya Krishna,
The content is good, I just would like to suggest you to change some sentences:

...recently my wife delivered a baby boy and discharged ...

Thus there were instances where the noise was created by ...

-Make it sounds more natural. It sounds like a literal translation.

I hope it suggestions can help you :)

pb1013   
Feb 23, 2017
Graduate / Health, education, nutrition. Study & Future Plans Abroad Essay [3]

Hello, I must to write and essay with these two main topics (Max. 2 Pages):
- Goal of study & Study Plan: Goal of study, title or subject of research, and detailed study plan.
- Future Plan after Study: Future plan in Korea or another country after study in Korea.

I hope you can share with my you ideas about my essay. Thanks :)
.

work in research



Since last century society's habits have been changing considerably. Long workdays, bad nutrition and sedentary lifestyle can be found among these changes. Due to the new routines, diseases related to chronic metabolism disorders have been increasing. Metabolic syndrome's related illnesses are included in the top 10 causes of death in most of the countries around the world. For instance, according to WHO (World Health Organization) and other statistics databases diabetes is the main cause of death in Belize and the 7th cause in Republic of Korea.

The study and research in this field has a huge importance for world population because in present day it is a national health problem in many countries. This is why I would like to focus my Master's studies in the biochemistry and -omics areas in order to have a deeper knowledge of these diseases (specially oriented to diabetes or lipid metabolism) since a molecular nutrition perspective. I plan to take subjects related to molecular nutrition courses hopefully since my first semester in order to start planning my thesis outline as soon as possible. Follow work schedules is very meaningful for research projects, this is why I have to select wisely my following semester courses and invest quality time during my thesis field research. Among Food and Nutrition Graduate Curriculum courses, I found very favorable for my interests many of them, for example: Molecular Biology, Macronutrients Metabolism, Molecular Nutrition and Advanced Nutritional Biochemistry. My goal of study during Master is acquired the needed bases to start doctorate studies in Nutrigenomic discipline. Despite this is an emerging science's area I consider that its findings published so far are the base for a new-treatment approach in chronic metabolic diseases during the next years.

Many Asian countries have been pioneers using food with a functional objective not only as a body energy source, for this reason Nutrigenomic discipline might have an advantage in Korea due to its cultural heritage. In addition, among Nutigenomic area articles Asian countries stand out because of the number of publications, especially names of Korean researchers. For this reason I imagine how honored I would be if I have the opportunity to participate in projects and learn from Korean Professors involved in this research line. Furthermore Korean Universities are quipped with the needed laboratories and some of them with projects totally related to what I am wishing to deepen; there are National Institutes like Korea Food Research Institute with a Division in Nutrition and Metabolism Research that might be a useful tool to complement any education in this field. I have been considering all this facts and I hope to get the opportunity of be accepted in this program.

After finish my Master studies I pretend to apply for Doctorate's Program. Due to the high education quality, if you give the opportunity to be accepted in Master's Degree I will pursue advanced studies in Korea too. There is a graduate a program sponsor by National Council for Science and Education (NCSE) in Belize to support graduate students to pursue their education in a high quality university abroad. I plan to apply to this program and stay in Korean to continue with my doctorate studies as well.

My goals and dreams are clear, I want to keep learning and work in research projects related to my study area with the aim of get enough experience to work in a Higher Education Institution as a research Professor. I want to make use of my Education field studies together with my Nutrition graduate ones. I am willing to work either Belize or Korea, any of the two countries that receive me to keep pursuing my dreams. Any country that allows me to apply my education in benefit of society and that helps to strength international friendship bonds between them.

In order to attain my dreams I am aware of the hard work and patience I must to invest. Absolutely I have a positive attitude toward my future goals and I strongly believe that with determination I will be able to meet all of them one day. Thanks for your time and the opportunity to express myself through this letter. I hope you can consider my application with an affirmative result.

Sincerely,
xxx
pb1013   
Feb 23, 2017
Undergraduate / For the majority of my life, I underestimated the importance of physical health. Issue of Importance [3]

Hello Morgan :)

• From the ages of about seven to eighteen
I would ike to suggest to ommit the word "about"in this sentence

• Every time I turned down an opportunities because ...

• ...Athletic training program at the University of Texas is so that I can take the path to..
I think you can change for something like: I am willing to take the path... or I would like to take the path...

Another word to express this is something you want and have planned before.... not just one last minute choice.

About your content, I really enjoyed while i read. I think you expresses very well your feelings and readers can be empathic with your emotions.

Great story!! Congrats :)

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