Undergraduate / Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea - The Common App Essay [3]

Please help me revise my essay. Thank you.

The Common App essay - Topic 3 - Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?

A Not Very Outstanding Story

You know how stories of the others, the outstanding ones, ones that overcame their difficulties and made their way to successes supposed to be our motivations. I spent most of my life admiring other people's arts and their accomplishments but it seemed to just stop right there. I let myself to think that I would never be able to build such stories, to build my own achievements. I like to cook, to sing, I love drawing but never had I thought that I'm good at anything. And that's wrong. No one should ever have a thought of not having anything special about themselves.

Throughout my early years of existence, I did accomplish a couple of achievements. During my years of Scouting, I had led the girl guides team to become champion twice. I managed to stay it the top 5 of my 49-student-class for 4 secondary years. I know how to draw and I love crafting. My works did get a considerate amount of compliments from either my family, friends or my art teachers. But I didn't think that those things matter. Every now and then I compare myself to others, those who I considered superb and I would see myself having no chance against them and there would be no place for me to continue pursuing what I thought I was a little bit good at. Yes, even now I still think that I would never be as good as those outstanding individuals but that's completely fine. Why comparing ourselves with others? The most important person you need to defeat is the yesterday you.

At the very end of my high school years, my friend received an admission letter from Lasalle, a college she'd applied for. As a close friend I said, "I hate you. Why are you so good?" and laugh. What she said really wake me up at the time, "What about you? When are you going to apply for at least one school? You have everything but what are you waiting for?" Nothing. I wasn't waiting for anything. I were always talking about wanting to study abroad, wanting to get scholarships but I didn't do anything. There was always a voice lying around "It's not going happen, you don't have what it takes." It wasn't my friends' or my teachers', it wasn't anyone's. It was my voice. I came to realize, it's okay if I get rejected, it's okay if I don't have what it takes. What really matters is I've tried. In the end, whatever happened have its own reason, whether to prove that the voice is wrong or to show me what I'm lack of, to show me how I can defeat my yesterday's selves.

Every one of us was born special. We, as different individuals all have something we're good at and love. That something is just right there, waiting for us to dig it up. We might not be the best at it but as long as we make the best of our own selves, that's enough.

Undergraduate / A Not Very Outstanding Story - The Common App - Topic 5 [3]

I would really appreciate any advice on my essay. I'm not sure about my title, my amount of words,.... the whole essay in general =)) Please give me some brutally feedback.

The Common Application essay - Topic 5 - Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.

A Not Very Outstanding Story

You know how stories of the others, the outstanding ones, ones that overcame their difficulties and made their way to successes supposed to be our motivations. I spent most of my life admiring other people's arts and their accomplishments but never had they encouraged or inspired me. Or should I said, never had I let them to. "I would never be able to build such stories, to build my own achievements." That was what had been going on in my head for years. It was not like there was someone teasing or discouraging me. I was the only one who created that belief.

"No no no, I cannot do this. I don't do leading people, I receive given tasks and finish them but not the other way." These little words had stressed me out for one whole week since my former leader, Mai, assigned me to replace her spot on the team. She is the smartest, the kindest, she is someone who I look up to. Consequently, that didn't make replacing her on the girl guide team any less scary. I buried myself in my fear, my self-consciousness. I would refuse to pick up any call from her or anybody on my team. I skipped Scouting on the weekends to avoid dealing with my problems. What if people don't listen to me? What if I mess something up and affect the whole team? What if, what if, what if,...? What if I'm not as good as her? And I stopped right there. Every now and then I compare myself to others, those who I considered superb and I would see myself having no chance against them. Yes, even now I still think that I would never be as good as those outstanding individuals but that's completely fine. It's okay if I'm not as good a leader as she is, that doesn't mean that I can't be one. She didn't assign me for no reason. Why comparing ourselves with others? I came to realize that the most important person you need to defeat is the yesterday you.

So, I talked to Mai and on that weekend, I showed up to claim my position. Yes, my fear is still there but it only made me want to work harder. Mai left the team as she had something going on and I continued her job. I used everything she'd taught me to build a better, stronger groups of unique individuals. The more I guide my team, the more I believe that I got this. Less than a month passed by, my team had come together as one united group, ready for the annual one week summer camp. As the camping day was getting very close, all of a sudden, three of my teammates told me that they couldn't go because of different reasons. I panicked but quickly pulled myself together. My team then consisted of a team leader, a vice team leader and a team member. We went camping with that same formation while the other teams had twice more people than we do. The key is knowing how to divide the work amount to everyone on the team according to their strengths and weaknesses and all that relies on the captain. Despise being a very small group compare to others, we managed to finish every tasks on time, even earlier than many other teams.

Eventually, I led my team to become the champion as a new team leader. I proved to everyone that it didn't matter that we were girls, it didn't matter that we had the least amount of people. More importantly, I proved to myself that I can build my own stories.

Every one of us were born special without us even trying. We all have something we love and good at. Maybe we're not the best at it but as long as we make the best of our own selves, that's enough.

[653 words] - I exceeded the limit of 650 words :(( help me

Undergraduate / "Capture" - The Common App Essay (Topic of Choice) [4]

Hi, I would really appreciate any advice on my essay. Thank you.

Capture

1 sheep.... 2 sheep.... 3 sheep... . It's amazing to see how many sheep does it take to distract me from the whole point of counting them. I look out of my window, it's already 2 in the morning, the moon has been out for about 8 hours now. That same moon is now messing around in front of the sun, creating the extraordinary event we all knew as solar eclipse. The moon is currently in the spotlight, being admired by people in America, far from where I am now. At the occurrence of a lifetime phenomenon, there are thousands of people who are sleeping through it, not even acknowledging the event. I however, cannot get over the feeling of being missed out. The eager to experience every bit of this mystic universe is holding my sleepiness away.

Our planet Earth lies in one solar system among about tens of billions of other systems in our galaxy alone. Billions of billions of billions.... of galaxy like ours form what we called universe. And yes, there are zillion more of the universe that we heard of. This sort of scale sometimes makes me to question what truly matter to me, what doesn't matter anymore and what never did. But that is not what bother me the most, it's the colossal of the knowledge that remain unknown to me as I passed away. I'm not just talking about the space science, I'm referring to every aspects of study exist. We don't know yet if there is any other civilization that hold a different side of human knowledge which arts is a part of it and is what I most desire to explore.

Undoubtedly, it seems impossible for me or should I say for anyone to fully understand the universe. But at least I'm capable of developing my own understanding every days, hours, minutes. I may not know more than others do but as long as I'm trying to make the best of my own selves, that's enough for me.

Ending the live stream of the solar eclipse on Youtube, I look down at my sketchbook, finish with one final stroke of paint with a flick at the end (like Harry Potter with his wand) and revise my solar eclipse painting one last time. As I put down the date and the title for my work, I'm thinking of something that reflects all of the mess that's been going in my head the whole night. And "Capture" come to my mind. I might not experience it in person but I manage to make it appear right here in front me with a little bit of my imagination, water and paint.

448/650 words