Undergraduate / UMichigan, diversity and how you can contribute; Spring Festival in China [5]

"We know that diversity makes us a better university -- better for learning, for teaching, and for conducting research."
(U-M President Mary Sue Coleman)

Share an experience through which you have gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. Comment on how your personal experiences and achievements would contribute to the diversity of the University of Michigan.

250words

Last year, I got a chance to travel to Fujian Province in southeast of China during the Spring Festival. To experience the culture of Hakka people, I chose to live with a local family.

Growing up from northeast of China, I am used to eating dumplings on Spring Festival Eve. I, therefore, asked the hosts if we could make dumplings together. Silence for three seconds. I never knew that some Chinese families would not eat dumplings on the Spring Festival Eve until the hosts told me it's not the tradition of people living in the south. In stead, people living in the south are used to cooking a big family reunion dinner. However, they didn't refuse my suggestion. Although we spent nearly three hours in the kitchen, I felt very glad when the dumplings were served onto the table. Although the dumplings were of different sizes, even of different tastes, they together made a delicate dish. Sitting around the table, we shared our experience making dumplings, through which we knew more about the differences between the ways of making dumplings in the north and south of China.

Diversity can not survive in a blocked atmosphere. Therefore, to contribute to the diversity of University of Michigan, I am looking forward to sharing my knowledge and experience with my schoolfellows and teachers. As a student with a different background, a different culture, and a different way of thinking, I am willing to show the University of Michigan my own flavor just like the dumplings I made

catalyst0435 Edit Delete Move 173.79.130.235
Sep 4, 2009 #6
You picked a good experience to write about, and I think the essay is fundamentally solid.

That lets me get a little nit-picky about smaller details.
Silence for three seconds.
I don't think the narrative preceding this sentence is engaging enough to allow a fragment here.

In stead
. One word, not two.

delicate dish
Maybe delicate isn't the right word. I never perceived dumplings as particularly delicate, even if they are made in a diverse manner.

Alluding back to the dumplings by saying your "own flavor" in the last paragraph is neat, but made too obvious with the inclusion of "just like the dumplings I made." In my opinion, metaphors shouldn't be made in-your-face obvious, but more delicate :P

If you changed the second paragraph to say "different flavors" instead of "different tastes," and then wrote in your last paragraph:

...and a different way of thinking, I can add my own flavor to University of Michigan's unique palette.

Or something like that.

Help with mine ⇒ Annie Dillard; What are peoples' opinions on her?
Re-Open Thread Closed ✓

'Indian students / China-Singapore' UMichigan, diversity and how you can contribute [13] ✓
TOEFLE SPEAKING-Most impressive event, Spring Festival China [3] ✓
'I grew up in China' - UW how to contribute to diversity [7] ✓
NUS application's essay (Mid-Autumn Festival, a Vietnamese festival) [4] ✓
U of M- how i am going to contribute to their diversity [2] ✓
Do you consider yourself a person who would contribute to our schools diversity [4] ✓

Home / Undergraduate /

~~~
do u think I digress from the topic?
and i don't know how to answer that how can i contibute to U-M
i don't think the last paragraph is good.
i'm really worried about that
thank all of you!

Undergraduate / I hope to see hospitality industry in my motherland China thriving prosperously and being perfect [3]

What work and non-work experiences, academic interests, and career goals influenced your decision to study hospitality management? How will these contribute to your success at the School of Hotel Administration? Maximum 500 words

Dazzled by the shining French window, I moved nearer and nearer to admire, then, unexpectedly, I hit my forehead against it to a burst of cry. I did this crazy thing when I was five, the time I first stepped into a hotel, dreaming that one day I can wear high-heeled shoes and have my hair in a bun, walking gracefully and always with a smile.

However, as I grow older, I realized that what I thought was too superficial. On the contrary, hotel management is a strict work demanding high quality of employees. Nevertheless, whenever people around me heard that I was going to study hospitality management, I could feel the weird and puzzled eyesight they casted on me. They felt that in China, hospitality management does not belong to high-quality undergraduate students. To most of the people, hospitality management means serving people lowly, even obsequiously, let along high social status. Most of my classmates are willing to find jobs requiring nothing but sitting in the Manager's Office, sipping a cup of tea and commanding their employees. From this perspective, hospitality management is not an "enjoyable" work but toilsome. I really lost myself among the so-called "enjoyable" jobs.

Later on, I was deeply immersed in travelling. I spent my nights from family lodges to express inns, from youth hostels to large star hotels. Sometimes, I forget my time indulging in the homelike atmosphere. However, sometimes, I felt shameful when I saw foreigners complaining about the low-quality services. When I searched the foreign hotel-booking websites and found negative feedbacks about Chinese hotels, what I felt was like many people turn down the thumbs in my front. When I found a Chinese hotel just scored 2 or 3 out of 5, what I felt was like I failed in an exam and tried to hide the papers. When I saw Chinese waiters being condemned in public, what I felt was like someone gave me a slap in my face. I found that many staff can not communicate with foreigners well due to a lack of foreign language skill and knowledge. I found that many small-sized hotels were on the brink of closing down due to a lack of advanced management. I found that hospitality industry in China is just getting started, lacking large amount of high-quality administrators. I found myself again, in the most demanding job.

As a Chinese, I hope to see hospitality industry in my motherland thriving prosperously and being perfect. I hope to see hospitality industry is no longer being discriminated in China, but more and more people willing to join us. As the saying goes, the world makes way for the man who knows where he is going. I know this is the way I choose. Always with a goal, I believe that I will succeed in Cornell University.

is the second paragraph too long and extraneous?
and i wonder if i made the point clear that how these contribute to the success in cornell u.

thank you for taking time to give me suggestions!