so11123
Apr 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / Ielts Writing task 2 about Married women and teens [2]
Ielts Question: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
My opinion:
In the tradition family setting, mothers usually pay all their attention on their family while fathers go to work and earn money. The role of mothers has changed, and they have begun to work; however, it may lead teenagers become rebellious. I think married women who work are not associate with those problems because not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers, and teenagers have their freedom to explore.
First and foremost, not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers. This is a cliche idea that mother should be the role to take care of children traditionally. For example, it is ridiculous that the kids grown up in singled family would involve in crimes because their mothers work. If the mother work and the kids stay at home, they will cook and tidy up by themselves, so that they become more independent. Moreover, school is the institution for kids to learn and stay in the most of their earlier life. They learn the moral and ethics in there. Therefore, children should take their own responsibility.
In addition, teenagers have their freedom to explore the world. Teenagers have their own thoughts, and they are capable to classify what is right or wrong. Therefore, they own their decisions. If mothers always take care of her children, both of them will get tired in mental health. For example, teenagers want to take drugs without noticing their mothers because they know that is illegal. Sometimes it is hard for parents to check their children frequently, for the reason that they know it will damage their relationship.
To conclude, I think many married women work and are not at home to care for their children is not the main reason that cause teenagers' problems because children should be responsible and they have their decisions. So, young people should be aware of what they are doing.
I hope you guys could help me and give me some sugguestions about my writing.
Don't be kind to me, please be harsh! :)
Thank you
working mothers - kids issue
Ielts Question: The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
My opinion:
In the tradition family setting, mothers usually pay all their attention on their family while fathers go to work and earn money. The role of mothers has changed, and they have begun to work; however, it may lead teenagers become rebellious. I think married women who work are not associate with those problems because not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers, and teenagers have their freedom to explore.
First and foremost, not all the responsibility should be blamed on mothers. This is a cliche idea that mother should be the role to take care of children traditionally. For example, it is ridiculous that the kids grown up in singled family would involve in crimes because their mothers work. If the mother work and the kids stay at home, they will cook and tidy up by themselves, so that they become more independent. Moreover, school is the institution for kids to learn and stay in the most of their earlier life. They learn the moral and ethics in there. Therefore, children should take their own responsibility.
In addition, teenagers have their freedom to explore the world. Teenagers have their own thoughts, and they are capable to classify what is right or wrong. Therefore, they own their decisions. If mothers always take care of her children, both of them will get tired in mental health. For example, teenagers want to take drugs without noticing their mothers because they know that is illegal. Sometimes it is hard for parents to check their children frequently, for the reason that they know it will damage their relationship.
To conclude, I think many married women work and are not at home to care for their children is not the main reason that cause teenagers' problems because children should be responsible and they have their decisions. So, young people should be aware of what they are doing.
I hope you guys could help me and give me some sugguestions about my writing.
Don't be kind to me, please be harsh! :)
Thank you
