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Help ! Ielts writing task 1 about the percentage of men and women regular exercise

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart indicates the proportion of Australian men and women in different age stages who exercised regularly in 2010.
It is clear that female did more regular physical activity than male in most of the age groups of women, except for the age of 15-24.

It is significant that women in the age of 45-54 exercised the most, with 53.3%, while 52.8% of male between the age 15-24 exercised considerably. On the other hand, men in 35-44 seldom exercised, with 39.5%, compared to women 65 and over, which is the least exercise age group has a greater percentage of doing physical activity regularly than men, with 47.1%. Moreover, there was a notable difference at the age of 35-44 between male and female on working out consistently, with 13%.

Please give me your sugguestion in order to let me improve my writing skill
I really need your help.
Thank you

May 8, 2018   #2
Dorothy, this analytical essay will receive an automatic failing score due to the lack of word count. You failed to meet the minimum word requirement of 150 words. The total count for your essay is only 129. When you do not meet the minimum word count, the essay will be considered as having failed to achieve the task requirements and is incomplete in terms of task accuracy considerations, Hence, the analytical report essay cannot receive a passing mark. In order to achieve this, you have to write at least 5 lines of sentences per paragraph in this 4 paragraph requirement essay. This can be achieved by doing the following:

1. Properly summarize the information in your first paragraph, inclusive of the discussion method, trending statement, and illustration type.
2. Make sure that you do the appropriate discussion using one paragraph to present the main data, another for comparison discussion, and the last one for any data similarities found in the chart.

Since this is a Task 1 analytical essay, only 4 paragraphs composed of 150 words, 200 at the most, is required. Writing 150 words will give you time to review, edit,revise, and finalize your content. 200 words won't allow for much editing time. Remember, clarity if more important than wordiness. If your essay makes sense to the examiner, then you have achieved your task.

Read the other samples here for more ideas and advice on how to improve your Task 1 writing skills.

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