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Posts by lhnbich
Name: Le Hoang Ngoc Bich
Joined: Nov 7, 2018
Last Post: Dec 8, 2018
Threads: 2
Posts: 2  
From: Viet Nam
School: RMIT University

Displayed posts: 4
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lhnbich   
Nov 7, 2018
Writing Feedback / How can people in your country be encouraged to live healthier lives? [2]

responsibility for citizens' health



In the era of globalization, a lot of foreigners have come to Vietnam for many purposes. Therefore, Vietnam becomes a country which has a variety of delicious food and drinks. However, it is a problem for Vietnamese. According to the statistics in 2017, Vietnam saw a rise of people who were obese. In this essay, I will find some solutions for this problem which can be by individuals and by government, too.

First of all, I want to discuss about the government's responsibilities for citizens' health. There are many social backgrounds in Vietnam. Therefore, there are still lots of the poor who also want to reap the associated benefits of health. In my opinion, the heads of the city should build more free gym centers or parks for citizens. For example, there are many parks in Vietnam which have sport facilities, but it is quite old and sometimes dangerous to people who use them. The government should also ban advertising junk food at times when children are watching, because they tend to prefer fast food to healthy one.

I also find some solutions for individuals. We should do exercise regularly for our well-being. For instance, if you are too busy to do activities, you can do housework like gardening. That will also help you to improve health. With me, parents should teach their children about the food which they eat and can let them eat fast food ocassionally. Because they are still children, we can't force them to eat in a balanced diet like adults.

In conclusion, both individuals and government have responsible for their health in order not to cause a heavy load on a country's healthcare industry. In my opinion, I prefer the government should build more free gym clubs that can help everybody keep fit.
lhnbich   
Dec 8, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should lower secondary school students play video games? [2]

- "... use the Internet to plays games ..." S/V "play"

- "some game which ... makes them ..." Pl and S/V "some games", "make"
- "that is why ..." Cap "That"
- "...,they must buy cards which as i know is quite expensive" - I think you should change to "they tend to buy...", "apparently", "in my knowledge" to replace "as I know". Your sentence makes me feel weird.

- "They don't get" do not write "don't" write "do not" in the essay.

General:
- Your essay has lots of faults, please read and check again.
- After point or commas give a space
- Be carefull with capital words, sometime you forget
lhnbich   
Dec 8, 2018
Writing Feedback / Write about a journey where you got lost to send to the magazine. [3]

- "then drive from Hue ..." tense "drove"
- "We were sailing on the ..." - I think you should use sailed, no any special time for using past cont
- "we are also heard ..." tense "were"
- "When we were ... and we had to take ..." should use "because" or "so"...
- "all them rooms are full" tense "their", "were"

General"
- You should be careful with tense, a lot of mistakes
lhnbich   
Dec 8, 2018
Writing Feedback / How has globalisation had an impact on transportation in your country? (changes and causes) [3]

changes in the Vietnamese transport system



In era of globalization, every country will corporate to help each other with the development. As a result, Vietnam is also supported in many aspects like education, healthcare services and especially is transportation. In this essay, I will point out some changes in the Vietnamese transport system and its affects.

First of all, before the early 1960s, citizens in South Vietnam just had bicycles, so it was really difficult to travel long distances. Until when, American vonlunteers came to Vietnam to help with technology and economy, they brought the first motorbike to this country. After that, Vietnamese learned to make it and gave it a twist. Secondly, thanks to the corporation between Japan and Vietnam, a new railway is being built on district one, which provide citizens with more access to public transport. Moreover, in 2018, Vingroup company, which is from Vietnam, worked with BMW company to make Vietnamese cars and they were exhibited in Paris in October. Finally, with the investment in technology from other countries, Vietnam thesedays can join in the industrial revolution 4.0. For example, Grab app, which was brought to our country the first time by a Malaysian company in 2014, has given our citizens more chances to transfer from one place to another place by booking rides through our smart phones. Overall, globalization has facilitated a more comfortable journey for Vietnamese transport users by developing more public transport, investing road infrastructure and etc.

Corporating to develop together can be the reason to explain for these changes. For instance, Grab does not help Vietnamese in travelling easily but also rise the income for the Malaysian parent company, too. Our country also gives a hand to support other countries like rising a fund for helping Japanese when they were being effected by the tsunami in 2011.

In conclusion, globalization has a large affect on the Vietnamese development. Thanks to it, we can have a convenient life. In my opinion, we should not only support the globalization to go forward in every aspect but also keep our traditional qualities, too

Word count: 342
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