Undergraduate / Supplement essay for Colgate University - We want to get to know you better [2]

Hi, could you please rate my essay and give me an advice?

Prompt: We want to get to know you better. What are three words that your best friend would use to describe you and why? 250 words maximum

Genuine, helpful, and innovative

Genuine, helpful, and innovative. These are the three words that my best friend would use to describe my personality. Genuine - I do believe that it's not necessary for other people to see me in a different identity than who I am. I won't claim different beliefs and thoughts just to please anyone. In a world full of fads, fashion, and personal brands where everyone wants what they don't have, nobody's content to be who they really are. I do not operate under false pretenses, nor am I two-faced; even if it comes to describing my shortcomings. Helpful - being described as a nerd and geeky doesn't prevent me from assisting others. As a sophomore, I tutored many students and helped them during their participation in many robotics contests as well as sharing my previous experience with them. Beside my academic studies, I am also willing to help the others in my social daily life. I remember participating in "Wesal" team, which is a community service team in my school. Last winter, we went to distribute blankets for the homeless people at Christmas. I can say confidently that drawing few smiles on people's faces is a great feeling. Innovative - creating new ideas from solving a math problem with a different approach to creating a new melody in a piece of music specialize my personality between the others. Creativity in my academics, as well as my talent, is evident in the way that I live my life. These are my best core values.

Undergraduate / "REHARMONIZATION OF MY LIFE NOTES" Personal Statement For The Common Application [2]

Hi guys, I would like to share my personal statement here. I need to get feedback about the idea and please suggest if there is anything that can be edited.

Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

"REHARMONIZATION OF MY LIFE NOTES"

A year had passed away since I joined my new boarding school, the scene includes one of what I can consider life-changing moments. It's me, passing by the assembly room in my school, glimpsing those dusty black and white keys. I entered the room, cleaned my instrument and almost remembered my new jazz version of Amazing Grace. The one that includes getting me out of the expression "close but no cigar." I knew Instantly that I had the opportunity to do it in the past, though it was the paralyzing fear, the doubt of walking in the route that you made for yourself, just for you. It's me again, deciding not to wait in the line as many others do.

The setting holds one of my galvanizing decisions in life: one that includes the decision to rule my life as if I would play them in a piece of Jazz. I loved driving everything by the rules of it, adding that out of scale chord, sharpening that fifth or maybe flattening the ninth astonished me by how many possibilities can you really add up to any piece that would not be expected to sound that great, even if it was so simple that nothing could be added to it. I was first puzzled by how every individual chord sounded dissonant and not relieving to my ear, but I later realized that it would be so satisfying to play that G major chord with the flattened fifth and ninth going to the C minor chord rather than playing the G major chord without any alteration. The secret was to know where your destination is, and where you are sitting on right now, and upon these, you can decide the way you desire to get off the rules.

I have always tried executing the right decisions, the ones that might typically lead to a favoured destination and desirable outcomes to anyone, but I preferred mine to be with exceptional alteration. I remember when I tried to do it many times, and the dice were always loaded against me. The results were still not consonant to my ears; it was expected to happen as it happened to many of the successful people who started their own business or worked by themselves and experienced failure. It was evident for failure to occur because nobody has done it before, only you will furiously try your pristine route, and I learned how to take that risk from jazz.

A memory then called back in my mind. I did recognize that scene well. It's my failure in a Math quiz back in my preparatory stage. I was harmonizing that right-angled triangle with those borrowed chords, the trigonometric ones that I learned online, rather than the simple Pythagorean that could solve the problem just in a flash. According to the reality, these chords were not settled in my year's curriculum. I knew that well; my approach always tends to be the peculiar one. I wanted to translate these borrowed chords, the passing ones, and the 2-5-1 progression into the answer sheet, maybe added with an offbeat rhythm to feel the jazz thrill. The next day, the picture includes our math teacher challenging the students to solve a problem that includes a triangle with just one side and angle known. Surprisingly, jazz did it! It was the only which did so. Then, the teacher looked at the unique solution to the problem, he then stared and exclaimed "Now I knew why you failed yesterday," he said with a smirk. From that moment, I was one of that teacher's special students.

I really appreciate what that unique alteration allowed me to accomplish in my life, that feeling to be different and create your very own harmony in your life let me view myself as someone who is special by his life notes transcription.