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Posts by Hlx
Name: Hlx
Joined: Dec 17, 2018
Last Post: Dec 23, 2018
Threads: 2
Posts: 3  

Displayed posts: 5
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Hlx   
Dec 20, 2018
Writing Feedback / Should pictures replace words on TV news and in newspapers? [3]

Hi Han! I am not professional, thus you can take the advice partially.
It is quite confusing since at the beginning you disagree with the proposed claim (do not agree that pictorial news can expose and determine the information better than words), but you continue elaborating the positive aspects of using photos through the ensuing two paragraphs. Nomarlly, If you want to dispute a claim, you should mainly stress the negative aspects of this claim. Even if you would like to illustrate the positive part, it should not occupy over 50% content of your essay. You may have to cite relevant examples to support your essay, or it is not convincing. I strongly advie rewrting this essay.
Hlx   
Dec 20, 2018
Writing Feedback / The world has become more advanced than in the past. The family structure and capacity has altered. [3]

Hi @annanthaayu
I am not professional, thus you can take my suggestions patially. In my opinion, the beginning of your essay is too abstract. You should response how on earth have the family structure and family role changed? For instance, the family size might be smaller compared with that 50 years age; The gender equality improved; The responsibily of every family menber reallocated. Only based on this point can you further expand your examples. Normally, you should put forward three examples to support your claim, or it seems kind of weak. In addition, in order to make a summarization, you should sum up all your sub-points, instead of copying the prompt. It is vague to use Although because you never refered to the positive aspects of this change.
Hlx   
Dec 20, 2018
Graduate / 'singing and photography' - SOP: Describe your motivation for pursuing a master's degree. [2]

Essay :

Describe your motivation for pursuing a master's degree

. (within 500 words)

What have you done in your academic/professional/personal life that has prepared you for this degree?
If your undergraduate major is different from the graduate degree you are seeking, please explain how you became interested in this field and why you would like to pursue it now in your educational career.


How does this master's degree fit in with your short and long term career goals?
In what way will you contribute to the fabric of the Weatherhead culture?
Feel free to share anything else that we should know about you or any concerns you might have about your application that might not otherwise have been addressed.


Since my graduation from xx University, I have been working at xx Co., Ltd. as a civil engineer. During the project management process, I have often encountered problems; for instance, it may take several days for a secretary to look up paper documents and chat records to issue a analysis report of process problems, and there is no guarantee of accuracy. Puzzled by the chaotic on-site management, I often wondered: Why are we still stuck in the mire of trivial information? Nowadays, faced with the task of analyzing huge amounts of data, relying solely on manual statistics will undoubtedly reduce the efficiency of management. I recognized the necessity of establishing a data collection platform, making full use of data processing and visualization tools to liberate managers' energy from tedious work.

While working at xx, I deeply participated in the establishment of the 'Ingenuity' information management platform, which was designed to solve the aforementioned problems. Before the platform was implemented, I worked with the technical development team to complete the functional modules design of the system, and we finally devised five major functions, such as problem reporting and progress acceptance. Besides, we established five project models with refined management requirements. I also participated in the process optimization of the platform. I omitted the redundant processes of acceptance, checks, and settlement; consequently, the workflow was reduced from 18 steps to 12 steps, greatly improving operational efficiency. In addition, I was responsible for the construction progress analysis by using Excel and Tableau software in monthly business meetings.

Throughout this process, I became convinced of the indispensable role of data management and analysis tools for project management. The Ingenuity data platform established a bridge of information exchange among managers, constructors, and other relevant parties, which further realizes flat management and greatly improves efficiency. Besides, the project management charts made by Excel and Tableau embody the management content concisely and in more detail. In addition, the unified data enables the traceability analysis of the whole management process to be realized, and the effective information extracted from the original data can also support multi-dimensional business statistical analysis based on schedule, project, and individual, providing credible reference for management decisions.

In the future, I hope to truly contribute to the transformation and upgrading of traditional industries such as real estate. My career goal is to join a technical development team to help companies establish their own information management system. By devising a functional frame and establishing data models, I will help companies process their own data acquisition tools. Meanwhile, I will also provide companies with precisely tailored project management advice, including process management and construction cost optimization, to further improve project quality and management efficiency.

Weatherhead's excellent reputation and uniqueness strongly attracts me. The 16-month program provides an opportunity to immerse myself in American culture and build up my network. In addition, expansive courses ranging from operations analytics to data mining, will equip me with solid quantitative skills. I'm also intrigued by the program's practicum and career advising services, which would help me to get exposure to the real industry and sharpen my professional skills.

Accumulated experience in research and work has equipped me with a practical sense in teamwork and communication ability, and has trained me to be results-oriented and mission-accomplished. In addition, my expertise art skills in singing and photography will definitely active the whole team. I thus sincerely hope that you can grant me an opportunity to join your graduate program.

I have few questions about the SOP:
(1) Did I response the response properly? What contents should I supplement?
(2) Is the proportion of every part reasonable? At present, I mainly stress my motivation to this program. I am afraid of the reponse of the final question " My contribution to Weatherhead culture" is too little.

(3)Considering that this essay is beyond the word limitation, which part do you think I should cut off?
Thank you so much for your sincere suggestions!! Much appreciate!!!
Hlx   
Dec 23, 2018
Graduate / Required essay for Weatherhead: What values are most important to you? [4]

Weatherhead values learning that is active and collaborative



Prompt: At Weatherhead, we seek students with strong values. What values are most important to you? How do your values match the values of Weatherhead?

Here is what I found on the website "Weatherhead values learning that is active and collaborative. Students, faculty, and staff together engage important management problems with an innovative, knowledge-creating attitude." So I responded this prompt by refering to cooperative, and my essay is below.

I am appreciated for your kind suggestions!

In my opinion, cooperative and communicative are definitely the most important values to me.
I won the first prize of the Fourth National College Students Concrete Design Competition with two partners, but the the preparation process was not always favorable. We tested the properties of gravels, which were the critical indexes of this research. However, I found the testing results of tap density index, tested according to current national standards, could not represent the gravels' real properties very well because the formulation of this index is abstract. So I advocated my teammates to change another testing method, or we might be misled by the distorted results. However, at first the other teammates believed we should keep following the operations of national standards and ignore the discrepancy between calculation results and real statuses. In the beginning, we could not convince each other because we championed different methodologies about this problems.

I believed that it was impossible for us to obtain satisfied results if we upheld divergent opinions respectively, even if we are all skilled at this subject. In order to realize the goals, we had to make a compromise of methodologies. Therefore, I rent a conference room for brainstorming. Firstly, we listened to each other's opinions and re-examined the division process of the research to develop a comprehensive overview of the project. After ensuring the validity of every sub-experiment, we rechecked the time and materials arrangement of the plans. Then we run through the problems we have faced and several supposed dilemmas. I delivered an efficiency and economy analysis for the aforementioned problem to convince my partners, and then we finally agreed on implementing variable-controlling experiments to prove the effectiveness of several different testing methods. Besides, we also discussed in-depth about the data procession methods, and reached a consensus that applying Excel and Origin to conduct correlation analyses and regression analyses after data acquisition.

Since then, regular meetings and occasional discussions have became a rule of our team. Surprisingly, with the deepening of our communication, our team made stunning progress. By implementing precisely tailored experiments, we obtained the most data while reducing two weeks compared with normal progress. We invented an innovative testing method of tap density index after analyzing the effectiveness of the methods we used, which made the index more explicit and applicable. In addition, statistical analyses we conducted made it easier to reveal the relation of parameters of mix ratio and concrete workability, and to optimize the mix ratio of self-compacting concrete. On the other hand, effective communication fortified our mutual trust and steeled our wills for accomplishing the goals. For instance, We sieved aggregates with clear divisions of labor in the open air but without any compliment, despite of the scorching sun and muggy weather. Similarly, we practicing the mutual concrete blending procedure in laboratory repeatedly to enhance the operation proficiency while totally soaked through.

Obviously, when all staff work together through collaborative teamwork and effective communication, the ability of each member maximums, and innovative brainchild comes closely. I would definitely bring the virtues to Weatherhead in the program.
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