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Posts by Cautiouswriter
Name: Sarah Gogo Majin
Joined: May 25, 2019
Last Post: Jun 6, 2019
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: Nigeria

Displayed posts: 4
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Cautiouswriter   
May 25, 2019
Graduate / STATEMENT OF INTENT FOR GRADUATE STUDIES IN BIOMEDICAL ENGINEERING IN CANADA [3]

Applying master's degree in Biomedical Engineering



Hello, please I am not much of a writer and I will be glad if my statement of intent is reviewed. I am limited to approx 300 words for the essay hence the length. Thank youuuuu!

I would like to undertake a master's degree in Biomedical Engineering as I am keen to further more in this line of study. I choose to pursue this degree at University of XXX because it is ranked among one of the leading universities. Not only does University of XXX have outstanding research facilities, I believe they operate on a level of transparency, and are welcoming of a diversity of students.

Biomedical engineering was not initially my interest, but I started to develop a passion for it. I became fascinated by the juxtaposition of Engineering and the Biological system. My curiosity grew during my undergrad studies at XXX. I began to further dive into the field and realized that I was enthralled by it. My interest in the sub field biomedical imaging developed in my 3rd year during my internship program, where I worked at a turnkey medical device company. There I got more familiar with various imaging equipment, it was fascinating to finally match the theory I was taught in the classroom to reality. Consequently, I became very intrigued in how imaging techniques creates visual representations of the internal body and display functions of some tissues and organ systems.

Due to the complexity of comprehension of the causes of some medical conditions, Biomedical engineering has really made understanding of these foreign bodies and the body in general easier especially through imaging. The application of engineering principles to the medical world has definitely created a positive turn around in living today, I find this very intriguing and I am eagerly dedicated to further pursue a successful career in this field. It would be of much joy and honor that I am able to further my studies at University of XXX because I hope not only to gain from the knowledge of the outstanding professors in the university, but to also be able to further a successful career, and make an input in the pursuit of better, improved health.
Cautiouswriter   
May 26, 2019
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that the best way to improve road safety is to ban the teenagers from traveling' [3]

Hello, you raised a good argument of not fully being in support, but you had a few spelling errors.
Some include:
belived should be believe
a few individual = a few individuals
basic =Basis
methods = method
eassay = Essay
defficiency = deficiency
Occationally traffic law = Occasionally to traffic law
I suggest you use spelling and grammar checkers so as to use the correct one.
Cautiouswriter   
Jun 6, 2019
Writing Feedback / Child punishment as a way of teaching morality [5]

Hi there, let me assist to the best of my ability

You have a good first point but i do not entirely grasp the second point.

Punishment may seem ... However, I`m strongly convinced that ...

You did not refer to which punishment you disapprove of???

What sort of punishment should ... be allowed... This question was not answered in your essay.

I suggest you structure the essay better, here is my suggestion
Paragraph 1: Rewrite the question prompt and choose a side (agree or disagree)
Paragraph 2: Reason why you agreed or disagreed, with examples
Paragraph 3: Proper ways of correcting a child (What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

)
Paragraph 4: Conclusion, restating your opinion and why

Also try to use more synonyms. Good luck :)
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