Writing Feedback / Who holds the duty to take measures against environmental degradation? IELTS Task 2 [3]

IELTS Task 2: Topic Environment

Hello!
I am an IELTS learner and I am trying to improve my writing skill. I am not sure what level I am recently so please tell me what band this task might have.

I am dying to know your comments because this is the third time I have written this task. I have already fixed plenty of things because those were so bad. Please feel free to comment. Thank you!

Topic: Individual actions have little or no effect on climate change. For this reason, worthwhile change can only be made at governmental level.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

These days, it is evident that environmental degradation has become a global issue to be solved as soon as possible. To handle this obstacle, some people think that the regime holds the duty to take measures because individuals make small or even no positive effect on preventing global warming. However, I strongly disagree with this. In my perspective, we all hold the responsibility to protect our planet from threatening.

First of all, it is untrue that small actions cannot make any differences in the environment. Even though in fact, the impacts of authorities and other enterprises can play an indispensable role, the importance of people's awareness is still necessary. For instance, because our main source of energy is fossil fuels, if all the citizens in the country take some small positive movements like turning off the lights when they are unnecessary or replacing private vehicles with public transports, the regime of the country can save a huge amount of energy. As a result, the nation can reduce the carbon dioxide emissions contaminating the air as well as saving the national budget.

In addition to personal measures, if one single person takes steps, then it is likely that the others will be inspired to do the same. The awareness of that community will raise highly, which encourages them to take further steps such as organizing a green campaign or founding a club which enhances other citizens' awareness about the Earth's issues.

In conclusion, climate change is a difficult issue that needs a long-term measure. Nevertheless, in my opinion, not only do the high authorities take responsibility, but also the citizens are responsible for that. I strongly believe that with just a small but environmentally-friendly action, we can make a huge difference on our planet.

Writing Feedback / An increase in bad behaviors, poor discipline and anti-social behaviors in schools [2]

IELTS Task 2: Topic Crime

Topic: In recent years there has been an increase in bad behaviors, poor discipline and anti-social behaviors in schools. Tough measures and stricter punishments by schools, parents and others are necessary to stop this trend.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of stricter discipline to young people?

It is a common phenomenon that the number of juvenile criminals has seen an upward trend these days. One solution which is put forward to control this is setting up teenage curfew and castigation. This essay will be concerned with both the benefits and drawbacks of this measure.

With regards to the advantages of severe supervision, it is clear that appropriate discipline and punishments would lead to many positives. Firstly, teenage curfew would guarantee safety for adolescents. If parents allow their children to hang out late or drive at night, the children would likely to cause serious accidents or be involved in drugs or violence, which would be harmful to their physical and mental health. Secondly, the restriction can protect adolescents from juvenile delinquency. As young adults are often vulnerable to criminal acts, if they lack the knowledge to avoid bad behaviors, they will likely to participate in gangs and become juvenile offenders. Finally, discipline could build good morals and characters to children at a young age. With good parenting and appropriate punishments, children could build good self-discipline, self-esteem as well as other virtuous dignities which are beneficial to them in later life.

However, harsh supervision is not always thought to be advantageous. There have some negatives that should be taken into consideration. The first and most profound aspect is oppressive parenting. The imposition of the curfew could disable the ability of teenagers in determining their choices in life. The basis of this obstacle might be the fear of children about bout being severely punished when doing something wrong that dissatisfied their parents. That fear would control the children not only childhood but also adulthood, which would affect their job finding or aims in life. Another adverse impact is having a hindrance to maturity. Since they are always eager to satisfy their parents, they become dependent on their parents. Not only would it restrict adolescents from asserting, learning and negotiating to deal with what the real world can offer, but they would also tend to be less adaptable and might get culture shocked if raised under curfew law.

In conclusion, there are both advantages and disadvantages to teenage curfew. However, the merits outweigh the drawbacks.

Please feel free to comment. Thank you!