Posts by Snoopy Jr

Snoopy Jr

Jul 22, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: The graph below shows the pollution levels in London between 1600 and 2000. [5]

The structures seem a little bit confusing. The first paragraph should be the opening sentences only. Leave the overview and detail-describing in the latter paragraphs.

Personally, I think you should separate your second paragraph in different two parts so you could elaborate on the descriptions. For instance, the reason why smoke and sulphur dioxide took a dramatic drop could be the fact that people start to have environmental awareness after the 1890s.

Overall, I think you did a great job @lichien0422. Hope you find my opinion helpful.

Snoopy Jr

Aug 1, 2019

Writing Feedback / The concept of Intelligent Property - sharing information issue [4]

Well, there are some grammar errors. I will try my best to help you.

...Some people believe that it is good to share information about scientific papers, business secret, and academic knowledge as much as possible. Others say that it is too important to be shared freely...

...should be shared without any money or hesitation. ---this part I think is a little bit confusing

...two different kinds...
...In addition, people can solve some serious problems which make bad effects on human beings...

...to do many experiments...

In conclusion, although it is...

Despite some of the mistakes that you made, I think you did a great job on your writing. The proportion of the paragraphs could be arranged better though. Hopefully, you would find my opinion helpful and wish you the best for the exam ahead.

Snoopy Jr

Aug 2, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Both sides opinion : Should elderly people be forced to retired or not? [5]

retirement decision

Topic:
"Some people think that elderly people should be forced to retire at a certain age, such as 65. Others say that people should be allowed to work for as long as they are able and want to. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion."

Nowadays, as the population grows time after time, some people believe that elderly people should be forced to retire at the age around 65. Others have a different point of view; they think it is up to the people to decide how long do they want to work. The following essay is going to discuss both sides of the argument and then give a conclusion at the end.

Since medical technology gets better through generations, the population of the elderly increase. Some people think in order to allow young labor force to add in the industry, the old labor force has to move out to clear out space for young adults. Others think that when the human body gets to a certain age, it is impossible for people to have the strength to face the problems at work. To eliminate the issue, it is best to avoid elders to work after a certain age.

As technology improves, people could live longer which means that after people get old, there is still a long while before their life ended. In that case, some elder think that they won't have other interest that is as important as their work. Others think it is one people's free will to choose if they want to keep working when they grow old or not.

In conclusion, both opinions have their pros and cons it is the perspective that matters. However, I support that people should have the free will to decide when do they retire. It is people's right to make the decision that affects their life.

Feel free to give me any advice. I will be grateful for your help.