IELTS writing task 1: The graph below shows the pollution levels in London between 1600 and 2000.

levels of sulphur dioxide and smoke in London over the centuries

The graph below shows the pollution levels in London between 1600 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph illustrates the pollution levels in London from 1600 to 2000. It measures the smoke and sulphur dioxide in micrograms per cubic metre. Overall, levels of the two pollutants share a similar pattern through the given period, while sulphur dioxide has a higher level of pollution than smoke in atmosphere.

In 1600, the pollution level was the lowest, however, it climbed in the next hundred year. Sulphur dioxide rose to around 700 micrograms, while smoke increased to an estimate of 200 micrograms. Over the next two hundred years, the levels of pollution grew consistently with a little fluctuation. The pollution level for sulphur dioxide peaked at nearly 900 micrograms in 1850. Smoke increased a little more steeply and peaked at about 450 micrograms in 1890. During the 20th century, both smoke and sulphur dioxide took a dramatic drop, although there was a fluctuation within the fall.

It is obvious that air pollution was considered as a bigger problem in the early 1900's than it is currently.(167 words)

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IELTS prefers a comparison between different data, so the conclusion you made would be better if you compare the emission difference between smoke and sulphur dioxide as you have already elaborated in the central paragraph.

Hi @lichien0422, the second paragraph is well-written but just try to change between various structures for the sentences.
The opening sentence and the overview should be in 2 separated paragraphs, and the last sentence should be in the overview. Well, you can choose to leave the overview after the opening or at the end of your writing.

Hope you find this useful!

The structures seem a little bit confusing. The first paragraph should be the opening sentences only. Leave the overview and detail-describing in the latter paragraphs.

Personally, I think you should separate your second paragraph in different two parts so you could elaborate on the descriptions. For instance, the reason why smoke and sulphur dioxide took a dramatic drop could be the fact that people start to have environmental awareness after the 1890s.

Overall, I think you did a great job @lichien0422. Hope you find my opinion helpful.

You have to structure your paragraphs better. In this exaxmple - first paragraph will be yor introduction, then the overall paragraph, then about sulphur dioxide and lastly about smoke.

Also, I can see that you have used one sentense which related to subordinate clause. Please check on more on youtube to familarise yourself with this technique of writing.

@lichien0422
Hello there.

I apologize for the delay, but I'll try to provide you with writing feedback on your essay. For your sake, I'll try to merge altogether prior opinions in order to assist you further in your writing endeavors.

Firstly, I agree with a prior recommendation that you need to incorporate more in-depth analytical portions through ensuring that you convey with clarity how you'll be able to compare the data that you have. Make it as descriptive as possible.

I have also observed that you need to work on your usage of proper punctuation. Try to, for example, incorporate a more diverse set of marks to assist you in writing.

Your conclusion also needs more substantive hammering down.

Best of luck as always.