Undergraduate / Multicultural affairs - Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University? [3]

i think the essay was good and very emotive, however, I hope you don't mind my edits.

... a multicultural learning environment largely influenced my application. Hailing from a multicultural background myself, it is important to me to be a part of an institute which is considerate of me. I was born ... I believe that everyone, regardless of race, religion, gender, or social class deserves equal respect and opportunity.

Unfortunately, the environment I grew up in viewed my values as truculent and employment opportunities were tendentious as a result. For the most part, schools were segregated and most religious ... Resultantly, I spent most ... sermon would take place for my community's version of Islam was not acceptable in the country and had to be held in a different location every week.

... at the University. ... and events were directed ... at on campus, exactly what ...
I hope to encourage ... dialogue whilst expressing myself in a manner true to personal beliefs. Be it whilst studying Human Development or attending one of the university's many basketball games, I believe that Syracuse will give ... could not, to exercise my faith and engage in multilateral knowledge sharing and creation.

Writing Feedback / Money from parents to encourage their children to become more passionate about study [3]

a good essay, however, please consider the following edits, especially if there is a word limit:

In today's modern world, - presently or contemporaneously,

I, personally, believe that - i believe or it is my belief that

... may be appear when - may manifest..

Secondly, another reason from my point of view - (it has already been established that the essay is based on your opinions)

there are not this motivation - there lacks a motivating drive

To sum up, taking ... - in conclusion, .... (no need to mention aforementioned issues, the reader knows this)

I hope this helps and good luck!

Writing Feedback / The line graph compares the amount of waste output by three companies from 2000 to 2005. [3]

the writing is good, just a few spelling errors such as "graph", "climbed", "approximately" and "increased"