Posts by kanzanism

kanzanism

Dec 11, 2019

Writing Feedback / The proportion of population by age in Oman and Spain [2]

the comparison of Oman and Spain population

The charts compare changes in the number of populations by age of Oman and Spain in 2005 and predictions for 2055.

The main facts that stand out are that the figure for elderly people in Spain showed its superiority over another age-divided groups while the figure for old people and young&children group in Oman reached the same level within the time frame. More so, in the next half-century, the productive age's group is predicted to dominate the Spain's residents which reverses to Oman's forecasting where the group, despite a slight growth, is still expected to be the lowest proportion of the country's occupants.

In 2005, the elderly group controlled the Spain's inhabitants which accounted for well above a half-population and productive age's category became the lowest proportion both in Spain, even much higher, and Oman.

In 2055, the aged people category in Spain is expected to decrease about 16% and still, will become the highest proportion of the country's occupants. In reverse, the same group in Oman is likely to jump for 9% and will control the country's population. Turning to productive age's group in Spain, it is forecasted to compete the highest population, with that number standing at 42%. However, the same group in Oman is predicted to be prevailed consistency.

kanzanism

Dec 22, 2019

Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS Task 1: Line graph about the movement to urban area in 3 countries [4]

Introduction:
- from countryside: It appears that an article is missing before the word countryside. Consider adding the article.
- the proportion of three countries' citizens: consider changing it into a proper one, let me give you a suggestion with this sentence: the proportion of citizens in three different countries.

-who has moved: I was a little bit confused where the word ''who'' refers to? If you mean that it will refer to ''citizens'' then you need to change ''has'' to have

Overview
- give more flexibility to your overview by using the linking words such as however, in reverse, by contrast, etc instead of using but

Body 1
- First of all is kind of overused word, consider using uncommon bridging or you may go directly writing In 2000
- It would be better if you focus on comparison among the three countries with complex sentences. That said, you may consider removing the first sentence in body 1.

Body 2
- anticipated keeping stable: you may change it into the proper one prevailed consistency or remained stable

Last but not least, I just give you the area of improvement based on my knowledge, however, your writing is good! keep up the good work.

kanzanism

Dec 22, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS -Writing Task 1 : One country's exports value in various categories during 2015 and 2016 [3]

Introduction
- It is a picture contained some graphs, however, it represents a graph of information. That said, you may consider changing graphs demonstrate into graph demonstrates

- introduction and overview should be general and not too specific, that being said you may do not specify each category and change it into five categories

Overview
- that decreased with a drop ...: that decreased slightly with the number standing at 41 billion
- as far as I know, the overview should be general and not mentioning numbers nor years.

Body 1 and 2
- you may give your comparisons in body 1 and the general trend for body 2

your writing is good and I just give the area for improvement. keep up the good work!

kanzanism

Jan 17, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task I: UK Cinema Attendance of different age citizens, from 1990 to 2010 [5]

cinema visitors' statistics in the uk

The chart presents the visitors' proportion in the UK cinema by age group from 1990 to 2010.

Overall, visiting the UK cinema was more popular for elderly people rather than other age groups during the whole period, however, the proportion's gap among the four age group had been wider by the end of the period.

Initially, the majority of cinema visitors in the UK was adults aged 44-54 and 34-44, accounting for 36% and 37% subsequently. It was uncommon for youngsters to watch cinema with around 14% of them falling to this category.

Apart from the previous comparison, overall changes saw an upward trend with some fluctuations, and its lowest point stood in the year 2000. Another biggest change was that the gap for overall categories had been wider. Surprisingly, the UK cinema visitors' proportion was as the same as the initial year, even though much higher, where it was dominated by elderly people, leading at 51% people of the group while the gap between this group and people aged 34-44 had been larger, ending at 6% in 2010. The number of the UK cinema's visitor from adolescents and teenagers shared the same trend, falling by 5% and 3% respectively before increasing, and then this prevailed static in the end period with a wider gap compared to the initial period.

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